Ok so I am 32, have been married to a great guy for 7 years, together since we were 20 and we have a gorgeous little boy. When I was younger I questioned my sexuality as I had felt attracted to girls but it scared me so much I had a mini breakdown. I had always been attracted to guys but when I think about it its more that I like them to be attracted to me. The only time I have ever had butterflies or thought constantly about someone was if it was a girl. I love my husband and our marriage has been a good one but im not attracted to him and I have met a gay girl who I cant stop thinking about. The girl is in a relationship and we are just friends but I cant seem to get over her. Its making me question everything especially my marriage. Do I try and ignore it and move on with my life? I reallu want to figure out what these feelings are...my husband is staying with a friend to give me some space but im frightened of throwing our marriage away equally im frightened of ignoring these strong feelings. Any help would be so appreciated. X
Wow I definitely feel the same way! I'm also trying to figure myself out, and it can be tough. Honestly, it's tough because you have been in this committed relationship for so long and you still love him. But I think at the end of the day, you have to chose whatever it is that is going to make you truly happy
I agree you have to do what makes you happy. It's a tough situation to be in but there are several people here on EC that have been in similar situations so I'm sure they will be able to help.
I can imagine that this situation is terribly difficult for you. The only advice I can offer really is that you try to think (long and hard) about what you want to happen in your marriage. I understand that your going through a lot of confusion about your orientation, however you still have a 'significant other' and his feelings need to be considered too. If your 110% that your into women then maybe you could talk it through with your husband and see what the pair of you come up with. It could be that he's understanding about it and let you explore your feelings. The alternative option is to ignore how you feel, go with the motions and just basically 'get over it', although with this choice you could become extremely unhappy and end up resenting yourself and your husband. My apologies for stating the obvious and sounding a little harsh. How would feel if the woman your crushing on feels the same way about you??? XXX
Hey, she says she does feel the same, we have talked alot about how we feel but she is hapy in her relationship, its complicated but I respect how she feels about her partner and to be honest I dont know how much I have to offer now. I have told my husband about my feelings for woman and he wants me to have counselling which I have agreed to its just my heart and head knowd this isnt a one of. After I had my son I had a really really bad serious time and I kinda feel like I want to be happy and im now ok with whatever direction that means my life has to go in. Its just with a husband and son the collateral damage is huge thank u so much for the kind advice xx
Yeah maybe going to talk to someone would be a good idea, it could give you some clearer insight on how you want to live your life, it's also a great way of releasing your stress. Are you friends with the woman your crushing on??? It could be an idea to persue your friendship with her, that way you can find out if you have honest feelings for her or if it's just a 'phase'. Your husband, well he's a grown man and if your marriage fails (sorry) then yes he'll be hurt but he will move on. Children need love and stability growing up, and I'm sure whatever happens that you and your husband will still provide this for your son. Kids go through confusing situations all the time in a family, so as long as he knows you love him (and nothing is his fault) then he'll be fine with change-if that's what you want. Remember though this is YOUR life, and you need to make sure your happy too. Although I'm not in the same situation your in, I'm still here if you need to talk. XXX
I feel the same way you do. I get turned on by male attention and I'm naturally flirty with guys. I just don't enjoy relationships or kissing. I have no experience with girls so there's nothing to compare it to.
Thanks! The thing with my friend would never happen anyway, she is in a great relationship and I dont want to get in the way of that so I have pulled back a bit but tbh thats killing me as I have never felt like this about anyone. I think that if my husband and I continue like this we will just keep reaching the same point over and over again. The hardest thing is that I have no experience with this at all im basing it all on feelings. I have never as much as kissed a girl. I think my husband and I are going to trial seperate for six months and see where we are then. In terms of my crush I need to move on and want to, not quite sure how to yet. Thanks so much for replying. Xx
I don't have any answers for you but I wanted to let you know I am in a very similar situation. I am also 32 and I have been married for twelve years, together for 18. We have two children. We basically grew up together and we are more like best friends. I have been questioning my sexuality for awhile now and I finally told him how I feel. I am bi-sexual and he is ok with that as long as I don't cheat on him. If I want to experiment he has to be there and probably involved to some extent. I am not at that point yet but I am surprised how understanding he is. Is it possible you are bi and can maybe maintain your marriage while being involved with a woman or do you feel you need a woman as a life partner? It is a very tough situation and I feel for you. I am also a bit confused and I am reassessing my life. I feel our relationship is strong enough to handle it but it is still tough. ((hugs))
