Hi all, So I started seeing a girl two weeks ago. She was the first person I've ever dated, kissed, and then had sex with at the weekend. It was our fourth date when we had sex, and I'm starting to worry that it was too soon although I enjoyed the intimacy at the time. I don't want this to set the tone for the rest of our relationship, as I am not just interested in sex but an emotional bond as well. How can I inject some romance into our relationship? I think that we are quite compatible - we have the same sense of humour, like similar things, want similar things for the future etc. But for some reason we haven't had a proper long, meaningful conversation yet, just bits here and there. Any advice would be appreciated . Thanks, Islander
I understand from where you are coming and what you are aiming for. Intellectual conversations are just as important as laughter and love is in a relationship-- for me. It is hard "injecting" any element into a relationship when it does not naturally form, unless both members simultaneously and wholeheartedly agree. That being said, it is not impossible. This friend sounds like quite the woman-- perhaps talking to her about this will bring it into action. And along the way, you may even find yourself achieving exactly what you wanted-- a passionate, deep conversation-- down the road you took to reach it. For better or worse, intellect and depth are very challenging elements to introduce to a person or relationship that does not have an inherent inclination towards them. Some people cannot exchange complex ideas creatively, while others cannot share those ideas at all. In comparison, it is far easier for two people to curl up and watch Iron Man 3 than it is to discuss the philosophical and psychological aspects concerning the concept of a soul. I suspect we both know why this is. Despite all of this, different qualities grow in new seasons. What I mean is, her intellectual conversations may yet be stimulated later on. Who knows. Good luck. I hope this provides some "food-for-thought." I wish you the best in your course of action.
Thank you, emkorora, for your in-depth reply. I think that it is possible for us to have a meaningful conversation - judging by the type of friends she has and what I know about her, it seems like she is the sort of person to enjoy a good discussion. (She also has good movie taste - she isn't just interested in watching trash but more thoughtful films. Small point I know, but it says a lot.) I suppose it's because of the nature of how our 'thing' started. I met her in September, then didn't speak to her again until January, when we were both on a uni trip together for a few days. Then I met her a few times after that at various events. Finally, she messaged me asking for my number, and asked me out on a date. I feel like it would have been easier if we were closer friends first, and had already established an emotional bond, whereas here we are starting with the pretext that we are 'having a thing', when we don't know each other all that well. I know that she has slept with 2 other girls. The first one was, I think, a one-night stand to lose her virginity, then the second girl didn't really mean much either. I hope that she doesn't just want to have sex with me. On our 3rd date, she invited me back to hers and we didn't have sex (but I think she might have wanted to), but slept in the same bed and just talked for a bit about semi-trivial things. Perhaps the fact that we were able to do that suggests that maybe it won't just centre around sex? I'm just really inexperienced and naive I think.
Remove the word 'relationship' so you are left with you and your girlfriend. That way you wont have to question if things are going according to relationships or not. If you have fun with her and you love the sex I say worry not.
