1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dating someone with body image issues. What do I say?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Parsley, Feb 22, 2014.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Parsley

    Parsley
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I love my girlfriend, and I think our relationship is great. We're very happy. But she has some body image issues, and when they come up I am not sure the most helpful/sensitive way to respond. We're the same height but she is heavier than me by maybe 40 lbs, and sometimes she compares our bodies. I think she is beautiful, and sexy exactly the way she is. I'd think she was equally beautiful if she gain 20 lbs or if she lost 20 lbs. It's HER that I like, not her body.

    But she'll call herself a 'fat ass' (not in a haha way), and she'll ask me if I'm a chubby chaser, and she'll get upset sometimes when she is getting dressed thinking she looks too heavy. I do not know what to say when she insults herself. It upsets me when she does that, and I want to support her. I want to be able to make her feel better. I wish she could love herself.

    And when she asks me about my preferred body type in women I REALLY don't know what to say because honestly before her I had only been attracted to slender or athletic women. I don't love her because she is or is not heavier than me. It just isn't a factor at all.

    What do I do or say when she is being hateful towards her body? What if she suggests she wants to eat better or exercise more? Those are good things for anyone to do, and I'd like to express support for that idea if she brings it up (and she has before) without it sounding like "you need to change for me" or "I don't like you the way you are."
     
    #1 Parsley, Feb 22, 2014
  2. CharlieHK

    CharlieHK Guest

    My Girlfriend has a penis. I bring this up because a lot of times it is easy for her to look at my female frame and feel self conscious about herself. The best thing I have done is layered her with compliments. I mean puke compliments on her. Every sweet thing you think about her, tell it to her. Write her little love notes. Because she needs reassurance that you love her just the way she is. It's hard for females to over look their own weight especially when their partner is much thinner. So you have to be the one to continuously compliment what ever you can.

    If you want to gain weight, go ahead. Or you could offer to help her by making exercise a couple thing.

    If her ass is lookin' mighty fine in those jeans, tell her.

    Compliments. They really do boost self esteem.
     
    #2 CharlieHK, Feb 22, 2014
  3. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Try to get her to stop using negative words for her appearance, maybe giving some positive alternatives. Be quick in correcting her so that the negativity is nipped at the bud.

    Ask her if she trusts you, and then look directly at her (maybe even touching her) to say that you love her entirely, not just her body and not just her mind, the whole package. When she asks if you're a chubby chaser, say you're a [her name] chaser. Don't act like you're blind to her body because that is an objective lie; you both know she is bigger than you. Try to celebrate her body in all its fine details.

    If she wants to exercise or eat better, I agree that it will be good if you do it with her. That said, there is a lot of research which shows genetics plays a big role in whether exercise will show big results, so you need to keep her positive if she has a body type that makes it hard to lose weight long-term. In any case, exercise and a good diet is beneficial for everyone, and it can really help her self-esteem.
     
    #3 resu, Feb 22, 2014
  4. setnyx

    setnyx
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    live in VERY small town near Erie PA.
    sorry all you ladies, born or otherwise. there is no right thing to say. tell her what you told us. i think it's fantastic you like thinner women before and yet you're with her.that in it self should tell her something.
     
    #4 setnyx, Feb 22, 2014
  5. Parsley

    Parsley
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    This sounds perfect! This sounds like it will work. Because like you said I don't want to act blind to the fact that her body is larger than mine because ignoring it or saying our bodies are the same is not truth. Thank you!



    And thank you, everyone. That was some great advice all around. I'm going to use your advice, and hopefully stop my girlfriend from questioning why I'm with her, and stop her from being hateful towards her body. I realize that body issues are not a small thing, and that I can't cure something that I know has bothered her since her teens but I at least want her to know that I love her body exactly as it is.
     
    #5 Parsley, Feb 23, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)