You know, the word "dyke" never used to bother me. Some lesbian women have reclaimed the word, it's used by our community pretty often now, and until know I never gave it a second thought. But just recently my mother was making jokes and referred to me as "dyke" and it struck a chord that gave me this...well, gross feeling, the same way I used to feel when my ex-boyfriend joked about my attraction to women when I told him about it. I guess I've only taken offense because it was used by someone who was cis/hetero and I feel like it's derogatory to me? It reduces me from a person to a gross slur in a split second and it's ridiculing. I have never been so sensitive about something - I'm very secure in my skin, I have no problems loving myself or taking a joke. But when it comes to my sexuality, I can't stand it. Then there was this remark between my parent's in front of me. (warning for some slurs) "Desi is the bull dyke." "She wants a dick!" (this statement I found to be slightly transphobic) Me: "No, I don't, they're gross." "I guess your experience with (ex) turned you gay!" And both know that statement is not true, it was a joke, but I'm just not ok with people saying that. I literally had to fight with myself concerning my sexuality while experiencing an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship. That statement, that belief, held me back for so long. After telling my mother not to call me dyke, she laughed and I had to ask to get an apology from her, and a flat one at that. Neither of them are homophobic, but both are capable of saying the most homophobic things and I hate it because my father is impossible to argue with on any basis and he refuses to recognize his straight privilege. And my mother just doesn't understand why I take such an offense. Maybe because these things you're joking about are a basis that people get hated, jailed, raped, tortured, and murdered on? Anyways, just my little rant about slurs and homophobic humour. (tw for slurs) So I would like to ask you all, how do you feel about slurs such as trannie, faggot, dyke, etc? And what are your experiences with that whole "take a joke" thing? If you think this would fit better in another topic let me know.
The other day, I came out to a friend of mine, she immediately said "you're a Drag Queen?!" for some reason I immediately took offense to that, and I have no idea why! My mother referred to me "Being in Drag" and that got to me as well... when she asked what I wanted it to be called I told her "dressed normally" For some reason, anything having to do with being called drag queen (or any term there of) gets to me... like they think my Dysphoria is some sort of joke
I can understand that because apparently I'm a "cross-dresser". All of my formal clothes are "men's wear" and people don't seem to realise that they're not a man's clothes, they're my clothes. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe a trans*woman and a drag queen are completely synonymous with each other. So if you're a woman, and you're wearing feminine clothing, you are "dressing normally" or atleast, as society attributes "normal" to be. I hate clothing standards. Cis men and women can be cross-dressers without necessarily being queer in any way, and queer people can wear cis clothing and still be queer!
well my point (to my mother) was that I wear female clothes now lol I'm not a drag queen, because I intend to go all the way, ya know ^^ and that she shouldn't associate my old clothes with what I aim to become (like she is trying her hardest to hold me back, I love her, I do lol but... things change)
I probably would have taken offense to that too if I were in your position. I don't mind some casual gay jokes with friends, but the "you need a dick" thing along with the name-calling is just flat out insulting and inappropriate.
Makes sense. A drag queen is a cis man who likes to dress like a woman. Totally different from being trans.
I don't like it either. I've only ever heard the term "dyke" used (in person) as a slur. I've been called that for getting a short hair cut and this was years ago before I even came out to myself. It was hurtful then and it's hurtful now when my mom fishes for info by asking "So you think that you're a dyke now because you're getting divorced?" I'm not out to her yet, but she pretty much has guessed. She's hurt and she doesn't know any other way to react. So no. I don't like the term at all.
I don't mind being called gay at all. I am. But the other day I was chatting in livestream with an artist and one of the other chatters with sound had her boyfriend around. He called people who played a certain video game fags, and I felt like I was, first of all, going to puke. And secondly, it made me feel like a loser. =(
I hate when people use the word faggot around me, and I think someone said once, was still infuriating. "She's a lesbian? Talk about throwing your life away." And then my "friend" said " So how did you become gay? Did you catch it?"
I don't like the Word Dyke it offends me but that is just me I hate it! If anyone called me a Dyke I'd punch them in the face lol I just don't like it
Actually the term "faggot" doesn't bother me for some reason, I seem to have really positive connotations attached to it. "Dyke" on the other hand, seems really offensive to me as I'm a lipstick lesbo and I associate dyke with a butch kind of lesbian? I actually hate how these terms and associations are planted in my mind, its like deeply ingrained homophobia.
I get pretty offended by it. I don't always say something but I'm sure the people saying it can see it on my face. One thing that really bothered me was a lot of people I know especially my mom and stepdad used to say that's gay almost all the time. It really bothered me, after correcting them every time they eventually stopped saying it.
I think that it is often the case that our reaction to potentially hurtful humor has more to do with the trust level between the two parties than it does about the actual words being said. I teach at a college. Professors tell jokes about each others' academic disciplines in a way that sounds almost like telling "ethnic jokes", in that the stereotypes of each discipline become the basis of the jokes ( philosophers have their heads in the clouds, engineers have no imagination, etc.) I learned an important lesson about this kind of humor long ago. Mathematicians and Physicists, for example, can really rip into each other and both will laugh good-naturedly. This is because mathematicans and physicist really respect each others' discipline and thus trust the motivation of the joke-teller. On the other hand, if a certain academic department feels that it is "under attack" in some quarters (for example, some faculty members are expressing doubts as to whether the school should continue to offer that major), then a professor in that department will NOT react positively to jokes that are similar to the math-physics jokes. Instead, the professor will be quite offended and get defensive. I think about this when I hear about conversations like the one you describe involving your mother and the work "dyke." I wonder if you would have no problem with that word if you really, really trusted that your mother understood you and accepted you and accepted your orientation. In that case, the two of you would be "looking" at the word in a "side-by-side" manner (so to speak) and perhaps could laugh at its implications together. On the other hand, if the word seems to be sitting between the two of you, then you do not experience that common perspective, and the conversation becomes less comfortable. And of course, it is always difficult to know how to discern what is inside the head of the speaker when someone tells jokes about any sensitive, personal subject. We can never be sure of the attitude behind an utterance. and the person making the jokes needs to be sensitive to this fact.
Honestly, I think it's less the word that you took offense to, but the context in which it's used in. When a lesbian reclaims it, it's, well, reclaiming. Strong, like, "Hell yeah! I like girls!" but when someone who's straight says it, they don't have the same experience with it. It isn't reclamation, it's someone who has no idea what it's like using the word. It's the homophobes that use the word like a weapon, and usually, homophobes are straight, so perhaps it's conditioned a negative connotation for you when it's said by straight people?
Depends on who it's used by and what the context. I can call myself that in a playful way or if other LGBT people call me it in a playful way I don't mind. Then again I very very rarely use it, if at all. When someone uses it as an insult, especially a straight person, yeah it strikes the wrong chord. Same with "fag" and "faggot." Those two seem to be thrown around a lot more as insults.
It definitely depends on the circumstances. In high school I used to get called a dyke a lot, and it was definitely used as an insult, but it never bothered me. It was just a mean word thrown out to get my attention. What *does* get to me is people who say things, about cross-dressing or dykes or butches or whatever, and they say these things that show that they seriously think that way. It's not just an insult, they actually think that I must hate men and hate pink/frills/etc, just because I'm gay. That's what bothers me.
