Should bi people get married?

I think if bi people want to get married they should be able to

 

Well, it could have been put better. When I read the thread title, before I even clicked in, my question in return was "Why SHOULDN'T bi people get married????" The question is phrased in a way that implies the stereotype of the insatiable, promiscuous bisexual who can't possibly be satisfied in a monogamous relationship. I was fairly certain that was the reasoning behind the question before I clicked in, and lo & behold.

Btw... bisexual female here, happily married to my straight-as-an-arrow husband for 8 years this summer, and currently pregnant with our second child. Do I notice other people, male & female both? Of course, I'm married, not blind (and you should see his face when he realizes we're both staring at the same chick, LOL). But I love (and am IN love, thank you) with my husband, I was virgin when we married, I've never been with anyone other than him, and I don't WANT anyone other than him.

Additional "complication"? I'm bipolar. In context that means I have the sex drive of a seventeen year old male and always will. You wanna talk insatiable? I'll take it as many times a day as my husband can get it up, and I have no problems using toys if he's not in the mood or just plain unavailable (I've gotta let the boy sleep once in a while, after all). Pregnancy hormones in the mix make things even more interesting. That in no way affects my ability to keep the vows I took when I married him.

I am as capable of being sexually attracted to a woman as I am to a man. I find the sex-appeal in either physical body. That has no bearing on my suitability for marriage.

 

People need to stop getting offended.
I'll be blunt. It's annoying and I wish all the butthurt would stop and move somewhere else.
Do you really expect all LGBTs to be all-knowing masters of Not Being Offensive to [Insert Someone Here]?
He didn't have malicious intent. This thread has remained fairly civil so far, but a lot of posters seem on edge.

Nick07's misconception (bisexuals need the love of both sexes/ all bisexuals are promiscuous) was a fairly common one. This misconception was confirmed in his mind when he saw a lot of threads by bisexuals who fit the "unfaithful sex maniac" stereotype. What he didn't realize is that these people probably came here due to problems with cheating and whatnot. Most bisexuals are fairly well-adjusted and do not have these problems.

As for the "both sexes" thing, there's always pornography and casual XXX. As long as they ask first (and for God's sakes do not contract an STD), that would not affect the married relationship. Most bisexuals are monogamous, so this issue does not come up that often. Bisexuality is when you can be attracted to 2 or more sexes (according to what most of us use), not when you are.

 

Some of them might actually be gay.

Not that I'm saying there aren't bi people, but there are a number of gay people who identify as bi as a stepping stone to coming out as gay. It may be that a man married to a woman, who is actually gay, might not want to admit yet that he's not sexually attracted to his wife and never was. It may be easier for him to face the fact that he craves sex with men first. He may consider some kind of non-monogamy as a way of 'bargaining', in the hopes that he won't have to give up on being with the woman he loves (romantically but not sexually).

 

I think the problem most likely to arise is that, due to messages from society (especially from the LGBT community), the bisexual might feel a sense of frustration stemming not from the desire to cheat but from the sense that their bi identity is threatened by a marriage. I mean, if a girl marries another girl, people PRESUME that girl is a lesbian. If she marries a guy, people presume she is straight. So having to fight with this invisibility, this sense that bisexuality "disappears" unless she's got a man on one arm and a woman on the other...I think this, in part, contributes to the sense of discomfort or "incompleteness" that a bisexual might feel in a marriage. Because people think we don't exist, sometimes it feels like we have to prove (even to ourselves) that we're still bisexual. It's a bizarre excuse for feeling like you want to cheat, but it does happen. And it's not really the bisexual's fault in the end. I don't think it's about lust but about a sense of self.

---------- Post added 10th Mar 2014 at 01:21 AM ----------

And Ettina is right, bisexuals who are truly tortured by loneliness and dissatisfaction might actually be gay. Otherwise, the desire to be with the sex other than the one you're with is a fleeting one. I've found that my bisexuality has brought out characteristics in my partners they didn't even know they possessed--the masculine in female partners and the feminine in male partners--and that's kind of a cool thing.

 

The perfect answer.

 

Anyway, there are probably bisexual people who like 50% men and 50% women, but I know that for many the question is different. I'm physically attracted to both genders, but in my life I've had romantic feelings toward a woman just once. Therefore I know that if I'm with a man I will hardly fall in love with a girl, although I will always notice the attractive women down the street. On the other hand, it's perfectly possible that I fall out of love with my man and that I fall in love with another one.

So, gender doesn't really play a role. It's more about the solidity of your feelings.

And, breaking news, love can also not last forever. My grandparents were together for 65 years, but they couldn't stand each other, it was more an agreement than anything else. So, the question about marriage is more complicated than that...

 

It's a fair question, though I understand the wording can put people on the defensive. To quickly answer it, sure they should, if they want to. I mean, legally, depending on their state/country and their partner, they are allowed to, so why should anyone else question their ability to stay true?

It's a question I have asked myself. I am currently engaged to a man, but I was very much in love with a woman a few years before we got together (my fiance and I have been together for over 5 years now). Although I was very open with my girlfriend in high school, I never really explored my sexuality and understand what I was attracted to until college. As an identified bisexual, I feel I am fairly equally attracted to both, and I have been told, and told myself many times that I would definitely be able to keep a monogamous relationship.

My fiance is very aware of my sexual orientation and has known for years and it has been the topic of a few discussions. However, as the marriage gets closer, I have found myself a bit over actively reading and learning about bisexuality. Up until now, other interests and responsibilities have always delayed my spending time really understanding what it means to be bisexual. The fear of committing to a man and never experiencing sex or an emotional relationship with another woman started to make me a bit paranoid.

To be clear, I love my fiance, and I am very honest with him and have told him my feelings. From personal experience I think there are some differences in being in a relationship with a woman versus a man. Some differences are subtle and some aren't so much. Like any couple, it's about a healthy relationship we are both happy in and being true to each other. I have heard of some people bringing a third person into the relationship and it still working out, and there is the idea of bringing another individual into the mix sexually. I will say, if my fiance and I ever had a threesome, it is nice we can both agree it should be with another woman .

Anyway, yes they should, if that is what they want, but also don't be afraid to take the time to get to know yourself, your attractions and needs, and be honest with your partner.

---------- Post added 12th Mar 2014 at 12:19 AM ----------

This is a very good answer. I also hear this all the time, when you have a partner, then you must have chosen. I also agree it can bring out different sides of your partners and it can make the relationship that much more exciting.

 

Says it all, really.

Then why, pray, is the answer to this question important to you? And curiosity is not an answer, btw. You don't ask "should" questions out of curiosity...you ask "should" questions out of a desire to appropriately judge others. Well here's the clue...there is no such thing as "appropriately" judging others.

 

I have sought moderator intervention. This thread is old, there's nothing new going on, and the whole thread exists to troll the multisexuals on EC despite his protestations to the contrary.

If the OP were really seeking the answer to this question, he would have gone to independent research and found that the premises behind his thread were tired old stereotypes about infidelity. In addition to learning the answer, he would also learned why continued rehearsal of these stereotypes are harmful to multisexuals, and the wildly inappropriate nature of this thread in a support forum would have become clear to him.

 

Marriage should be a basic human right, and it should be legal for any two of age consenting people to get married. No matter what.

 

I'm not sure why bisexuals are perceived as being more promiscuous than other sexual orientations - homosexuals and heterosexuals can just as easily commit infidelity and leave their current partner for someone else if they get bored. The fact that they 'swing both ways' is irrelevant.

If a man and a woman got married, and the woman had sex with a different man, would that make it any better than if she was bisexual, and had sex with a woman instead?

 

Yeah, if they want to. It's not like they have sex with anything human that moves. Being Bi just means that they are able to be with either a guy or a girl. I thought that was common knowledge, but apparently not everyone has the capacity in their minds to understand such a simple thing. Could you be anymore offensive?

 

This thread has been locked because it was dead and there's no point resurrecting the arguments.