Coming out as gay when you're not 100% sure

I am going through the same thing as you. I was unsure if I really was gay and it held me back for years. The advice I've gotten is to just tell them like it is. I told them that I liked guys and the two people I've come out to have asked, "are you sure?" to which I responded "well, I'm sure that I'm not straight." You don't have to label yourself right now. That will come in time. You can definitely come out as queer. If they don't understand, explain it to them. You are who you want to be. There is (or should be) no pressure to put a label on your feelings.

---------- Post added 9th Feb 2014 at 10:37 PM ----------

I missed the "don't want to explain it" part. You can just tell people that you aren't 100% straight. If you fall for a guy, then you fall for a guy. You shouldn't be confined because you came out as one thing and figured out you're another. People redefine their labels as life goes on.

 

You say that you're afraid you'll fall for a guy. Why do you think that you might? Are you attracted to guys? Or only girls?

 

I think you should go with not straight but also preference in women

 

The way I see it you have two options

1. You do the whole "I'm not straight" or "I'm queer" thing. Total honesty is obviously the best way to get good help and support from those around you. That being said, coming out is very difficult and having to give an explanation with it will make it much more difficult. It also opens a lot more opportunities for people to peg you as "going through a phase" or whatever they might say to be not supportive (though people like that probably wouldn't be super supportive no matter what so fuck them.)

2. Just come out as gay. It's as simple as saying "I'm gay." It's my opinion that no matter what is confusing you about your sexuality everything is a lot easier to figure out when you are out.

I've had a friend come out as lesbian and then come out again as actually being transgendered and both times his friends were just as accepting as the first time.

In the end only you know what you are comfortable doing. Theres really no shame in "changing your mind"

 

I tried to come out to my mom and dad and they said that I was to young and now they are sending me o some therapist to "work through this." Should I be worried?

 

I often come out as "i like girls", because it isn't mutually exclusive with "i like guys". I did have to do some explaining to my mom. I avoid explaining to other people though, so "I like girls" or "I have a girlfriend" is the easiest way to avoid labels. If that makes sense.

 

I always knew I was gay since young. But if you are questioning your sexuality. Why do you have to label yourself? Just be you. You will know when you meet that special person. Once you meet that person, than you will know. To be honest your sexuality is your business, who you choose to tell is your business. Peace

 

I agree with wanderinggirl, I'm planning on coming out by saying "I like girls" instead of "I'm a lesbian" even though I'm fairly sure I only like girls. If you think you may possibly have feelings for guys as well, this doesn't exclude you from having those feelings. Then you don't necessarily have to label yourself if you don't want to.

 

I feel ya
Since discovering my affection for females was such a shock I'm worried that if I tell people that I'm "bi" I could later realize that Im not and have to amend that.
Im going to agree with the majority here and say that you can avoid the pressure and limitations of a label. Im going to avoid a label by just tell people that Im dating a girl. You could tell people that you definitely like girls and thats all your sure of at the moment.
Accepting friends are the best friends.

 

There is no point in telling people you are gay if you are not sure. Maybe give it some more time and see how it works out. You might find a guy you like/fancy and realise that you aren't 100% gay but bi. Or you might get into a relationship with a girl and it confirms your theory that you are 100% gay and not attracted to men but don't rush it or say anything you might regret later, give it alittle bit more time before you mention anything.

 

Hm... For example you could try a online site or you could just talk to someone else that is gay (if you know anyone that is) and see what they say. You don't have to get in a relationship with them but its good too talk to someone that understands what you are going through, you will have something to relate to them about and its easier to understand how you feel. Also many people have closeted relationships where one partner is out and the other one hasn't come out yet. Although that can cause problems for some couples.

What I meant by my post was just don't feel like you have to tell people you are gay/lesbian just because you like a girl. It could be a passing phase where you are just confused, you could be bi or you could actually be gay, just give your feelings some more time.

 

Maybe. Keep in mind that the APA explicitly states that any attempt to change a GLBT person's sexual orientation is not accepotable. If your therapist tries this, you can report them and they could lose their license.

 

I'm having the same exact problem now. I know i'm mainly attracted to guys but some women really make question if i'm Bi or not. Have a huge crush on this girl i've known since middle school but i don't know if it's a crush or not. Wait this isn't about me lol.

I would personally go with i'm not 100% straight and not label yourself like the others have said.

 

This, I don't want to do, because I'm worried I might put those under the impression that gays can change their orientation.

 

My concerns as well. They don't understand our struggle and may think we can "control it"