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Non-stereotypical gays are threatening

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ChromeNerd, Jan 25, 2014.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    I think non-stereotypical gays are more threatening than the stereotypical ones. With the stereotypical ones people can believe that they don't know anyone who is gay or that their kid will never be gay. Non-stereotypical gays challenge that belief.
     
  2. Rakkaus

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    No way. Total opposite of reality.

    "Non-stereotypical" aka "straight-acting" gays are considered less threatening to society because they don't challenge society's expectations of what a man or a woman is supposed to act like nearly as much as "stereotypical" gays do. Every time a "stereotypical" gay guy walks out the door, he is declaring war on society's expectations of how a man should act, dress, and live his life.

    It is so-called "stereotypical" gays who actually challenge society. The out-and-proud gays who don't try to conform to society's demands as to how a 'normal' man or woman should act.

    In my own family I've noticed this effect. My parents say "okay you're gay, but why do you have wear such bright colors and tight clothing?" And I say, I'm being who I am, and being who I am poses a far greater threat to social expectations than if I dressed and acted "normal" aka like a straight person. Being "stereotypically" gay in any way actually causes far more trouble with my own family (and society at large) than just the fact that I am gay.
     
    #2 Rakkaus, Jan 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014
  3. stocking

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    I agree with this this is why some straight men refuse to believe that bisexual men exist
     
  4. Caillin

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    So should they act like someone they are not just because they are gay?

    ---------- Post added 25th Jan 2014 at 08:03 PM ----------

    Well isn't that just bigotry on their part.
     
  5. Some Dude

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    I don't think all gay men should have to act feminine if they are not, and equally I don't feel that men in general should have to act "manly" or whatever. People should just try to be who they are.

    Also who are we exactly threatening by this?
     
  6. stocking

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    Yes but I think it scares them because unlike stereotypical gay men they will not be able to tell who is gay or straight . My mother too is very scared of femme lesbians more than butch she's even told me this she said their infiltrating us there was a way to tell they were gay but now any woman you meet could be a lesbian and some of them act like us is the words she told me and she said what is the world coming too . I believe some people are more scared of non stereotypical than stereotypical because they can no longer judge who is gay from stereotypes
     
  7. Rakkaus

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    Yeah except again, that isn't true at all out in reality.

    You want to know what sort of gay guy gets his skull bashed in or is shot in the head by homophobes looking to go "fag-bashing"? The stereotypical gay guy who's walking out of a gay nightclub wearing skinny jeans and a tight pink shirt.

    The "non-stereotypical" gay man who walks out of a sports bar wearing baggy jeans and a football jersey never has to live in fear that he's going to be ambushed, beaten up, or murdered by a gang of homophobic thugs looking for fags to bash.

    In fact I'm sick of all this emphasis of how "gay people can act just like normal people too", like all the obsession with breaking down the barriers of sports and having "gay athletes". I remember when basketball player Jason Collins came out, it was all praised by mainstream society as proof that gay men can be normal, manly, athletic men, and thus all those flamboyant fag freaks are just choosing to live the degenerate lifestyle that they do.

    It's an attempt to erase the existence of femme 'stereotypical' gay guys in order to make the LGBTQ community more 'acceptable' to straight society. And yes, indisputably, "non-stereotypical" gay people are far more acceptable to straight society than their "stereotypical" counterparts. So "non-stereotypical" LGBT people who want to be more acceptable to mainstream straight society do everything they can to distance themselves and even denigrate "stereotypical" gay people, to make themselves appear more 'normal' and less threatening to straight people.

    With regard to lesbians, I don't think the situation is all that different. A non-stereotypical, femme lesbian who acts and dresses like a straight woman is far more acceptable to society than a butch manly-looking lesbian. Like manly non-stereotypical gay guys, girly non-stereotypical lesbian girls can easily blend into society and avoid much of the persecution that is hurled upon stereotypical butch lesbians.

    Stereotypical gays and lesbians are the ones who put their lives on the line every time they walk out the door, they are the ones who pose the greatest threat to what society expects from a man or a woman, they are on the front lines fighting for acceptance of LGBTQ people every time they step out of their houses being who they are.
     
    #7 Rakkaus, Jan 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014
  8. treasureisland

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    @Rakkaus. Just wanted to say that I found the argument in your last post very powerful. Even though I am a "straight-acting" gay, I feel like I have even more respect and admiration for "stereotypical" gays than I did before.
     
  9. gaymersofter

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    Shocking, that's not why they have a disbelief in bi men. It's those who come out as bi, then retract that comment, and claim their gay/lesbian. So it's people like you who cause the most problems for members like me.
     
  10. DesertTortoise

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    Love everything you say here, gurl!

    ---------- Post added 25th Jan 2014 at 09:43 PM ----------

    add here... that you can be super macho he-man muscle hairy bear dude--and totally fae. Not about one model for all.
     
  11. stocking

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    Guess I was right when I said if I came out as lesbian that actual bisexual people would bash me I was hoping i was wrong but I guess I was right . I guess it's my fault for not knowing right I did this on purpose right just so I could make bisexual people look not real .

    femme lesbian also experience discrimination as well it's not all peachy for us either maybe not to the extent of butch lesbians but at least a butch lesbian is taking seriously as a lesbian I'm not people think just because I look straight they can turn me and all I need is a good screw to be straight .
     
  12. Tightrope

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    There are some hyper-masculine gay men who fool no one. Something often gives them away, for those who really interested in scrutinizing. Nor am I referring to walking a toy chihuahua while wearing a pink polo shirt.

    I will agree that the stereotypical gay and lesbian has more limitations placed on them. However, the non-stereotypical gay and lesbian has far from 100% acceptance as well.

    I sense resentment on the forum across these camps, if you will. I think that shrugging and thinking "whatever" might be healthier than resenting. We sort of have to respect that people are different types and also like different types. It's exactly the same way in the straight community. Someone of a type may be interested in someone who doesn't reciprocate, because the other person is not their type, and unrequited attraction or acceptance is painful for everyone, and probably feels much the same.

    But I understand how when family, friends, and peers, on top of people we're interested in, make it unnecessarily hard, the burden is harder to shoulder. I've got a nice list of snide comments I've had sent my way. I've shared some.
     
    #12 Tightrope, Jan 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014
  13. PrinceOfAvalon

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    I agree with Rakkaus's opinion, though i think it should be noted if it isnt already obvious that there is nothing wrong with being a "manly" or "straight-acting" gay man. (though i hate that phrase)
    Just be urself :slight_smile: Realize that most of the "stereotypical gays" are doing just that - being themselves as well.

    The only thing i think is kind of hurtful or at least a sign of bad character is a non-stereotypical gay man who dislikes or has no respect for stereotypical gay men, and thinks its all an act or some or BS. And try not to be the kind of person who puts things like "Straight-Acting" on a profile and spreads that negative attitude around as if there is something wrong with being gay.

    Honestly im under the opinion that if we cant just accept people for who they are,, then fuck it all. No one should have to act like someone they aren't to be accepted >.> Ive read comments from people who are like "Gay's like you ("flamboyant") are the reason we arent accepted" and it just pisses me off.

    Oh well :slight_smile: Live and let live!
     
  14. Pret Allez

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    DevilKisses, can you please explain your rhetorical purpose here? I am having a difficult time understanding your angle, and I think we should tease it out for the purpose of this discussion.

    "Threatening" to whom? To you, or to the heteropatriarchal culture at large?
     
    #14 Pret Allez, Jan 25, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2014
  15. BryanM

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    Why do we have to be stereotypical or non-stereotypical? Why can't we all just be human?
     
  16. ChromeNerd

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    I never said there was anything wrong with stereotypical gays. I just said that non-stereotypical gays challenge the belief that you can spot gays easily. That can be quite threatening to some people. Maybe they aren't more threatening than stereotypical gays, just threatenting in a different way.
    Stereotypical gays will never know the pain of everyone telling you it's only a phase. This seems to be more of a problem for lesbians. Femme lesbians and bisexuals are often in more danger of being sexually harassed by creepy straight guys than straight girls or butch lesbians. Non-stereotypical gays may be able to hide more easily, but that kind of goes away if they have a partner.
     
  17. Pret Allez

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    I care a lot about you, and I have also educated myself on the particular difficulties faced by lesbians and bi women. I make that acknowledgement to demonstrate, importantly, that I do not, as many others here might, pretend gay and bi men and lesbians and bi women have a similar experience of discrimination. In particular, men benefit from sexism, and women, of all sexual orientations, are injured by it. I am aware that multisexual women are more at risk for sexual assault than any other group. You're damn right about what you say, for the most part.

    Nonetheless, your assertion that "Stereotypical gays will never know the pain of everyone telling you it's only a phase," is an antagonistic, cruel, divisive, and demonstrably false one. All it takes is one "stereotypical gay [man]" on this site or elsewhere to tell you his lived experience is a direct denial of what you state.
     
  18. ChromeNerd

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    I think it is threatening to people with a family. A hypothetical man might believe that his kids will never be gay because they conform to gender norms. If he meets an out non-stereotypical gay that might challenge his previous belief. He might suddenly feel like his kids could turn out gay.
     
  19. Pret Allez

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    That is possible. But please see my response above.
     
  20. Some Dude

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    I totally agree with this