Age?

Age is just a number. While it is unlikely that a romance between a 55-year-old and 21-year-old will last forever, I think the reality is more complex.

Physical aging is about health and what your body can do. Emotional maturity is about wisdom and perspective on life.

I think those factors are more important in determining compatibility than just comparing age.

There is one other factor, particularly for LTRs - and that's end-of-life issues. If you date someone 25 years older than yourself, they'll be approaching death while you're still in middle age. But this is less of an issue with a 5- to 10-year difference.

And as for the dinner/movie: It kind of looks like a date, but if it's your first time going out with him, he's looking to get to know you better. Maybe he wants to be "more than friends" and is trying to nudge things along. You'll get a better indication as the evening progresses.

 

I always felt the "divide your age in half and add seven" rule for a lower age limit and "subtract seven and multiply by two" rule for an upper age limit worked fairly well.

 

To look at it totally pragmatically, I dislike using numbers.

I think it's more about shared background and experiences.
Because, when it comes down to it, most of your time in a relationship isn't going to be spent looking wistfully into each other's eyes or making love or being all lovey-dovey. A lot of it is spent hanging out and talking. And making plans to coordinate your lives.

And I think it isn't a stretch to say that sharing a lot of experiences are what makes it gel. When I talk to my boyfriend, a lot of the time we use experiences to make a point. And what makes that work well is that they often run in parrallel. We both did the same stuff at about the same time in our lives, several events or movies had the same impact on us, and when we lack certain knowledge or experience we often lack it together, so we share our "firsts".

Also, when I don't know what he's thinking, having somewhat the same set of experiences often makes me able to give a vague idea of what he'd think or say anyway.
The more you share, the more it's likely to get you through tough times.

Now, I'm not saying that you can't have that across age divides. Also, when you get older, the added experience in each year grows less and less. Between 10 and 15 you probably have many more "firsts" and defining experiences than between 40 and 50.

But... I couldn't really imagine having a relationship with someone whose life experience is totally out of sync with my own. Initial attraction... maybe. But to keep a relationship running, even in the tough times, it takes more than that. The more you have in common, the less hurdles you have to take (and risk falling over).

OK, sort of philosophical, but I felt like typing it out anyway!

 

Of course age makes a difference. I grew up in a different world, a different universe, than most of the people in my circles. My memories and experiences, they know only from books. How I think of my body, end of life--having to deal with increasing physical limitations, all of this is just reality for me. I've been banged up and put back together, but in very good shape, have great stamina, energy--at the most creative and productive stage of my life--but even that means something very different than it would have 30 or 40 years ago. Generational differences matter. Less so when the gap is much closer, but those 10 or 15 years from early adolescence to our early/mid 20's shape us, and the way we experience our world in ways--that no matter how much we change and grow over the years--remain touchstones of our lives.
I'm not talking philosophy. This is real stuff. Yes, we can have profound, loving, long term inter-generational relationships, where those differences are not barriers, but nourish the partnership... when they're acknowledged, open and a part it. "Age is only a number" don't cut it! For each one of us, it's maybe more subtle than sexuality, at least when we're still young, but it's every bit as important a part of who and what we are!
So my reality check on age difference goes like this. Don't pretend it doesn't make a difference--cause if you do, you'll be in denial of something profoundly important, and that's not good in any relationship. But if each partner is comfortable with themselves (and that means, if you're older... dealing with the self-consciousness of having an aging body to compare with a younger one), and with your partner--for what they are. Well, then I guess it's like any other difference. Except that with age, living in this cult of youth as we do, it's something that we are bound to be both hyper-conscious of, and in denial of what it actually means and how it affects us... not unlike race, in that respect.
Thoughts from a queer septuagenarian...

 

I'm 38 (almost 39) and my girlfriend is 51. We had to consider and talk about our age difference- especially because I have a young child. But for us, the age difference is not a big deal. I already had friends her age so it's not like I had to make adjustments to understand her points of reference.

 

It's a continuum. Somebody my agewould presumably relate well with me on that level. Somebody five years older or younger a bit less so, somebody ten years older or younger even less so, and so forth. It would come down to how well we meshed in all other aspects. Age isn't nothin' but a number - it's nothin' but a factor. One of many.

Lex

 

I am drawn towards older guys, and wouldn't be out off someone in their fiftys...

 

Doesn't always work though but sometimes it does.

Example: someone is 18. So that'd be 16 to 22.
Someone is 50 that'd be 32 and 86.

I don't know about you, but i'd think it's sort of odd for a 50 year old to be dating someone older than their parents...

 

I tried to avoid this thread but that seems impossible. What people don't understand it does not matter what some statistics say or what psychologists say. If your in a relationship with someone who happens to be older in than your and your deeply in love with them you are gonna defend that relationship no matter if your in the minority or your a outlier experience. All I want to say I am a 23 year old in a relationship with 46 year old kind mature mentally sane man who loves much as much as i love him and age does not matter it work for us and we want to get married and be together forever. That is all I am saying and all though statistics say differently I defend my right to say that I am the happiest I ever been in my life with a man who just happens to be older than me. Love is love period.

 

I would date/see/ get intimate with a guy who was 55,

So go out and meet this guy, you will learn something from every meeting, it maybe the case that you are just not attracted to guys that young, but he might say or do something that you think it rather nice and hope that when you meet someone closer to your age range it will be something you like.

I added in a online dating profile that my age range was 40-70 but my ideal was someone around 50, but my age isn't really set in stone.

 

Two major highlights come to mind for me on this topic:

1). As mentioned previously, it is more about shared experiences and mindsets that will contribute to the success of the relationship than it is about the actual age.

With that said;

2). I think age is less of an issue as both parties advance in age, especially when both are out of their twenties, because that is such a volatile time and research shows the frontal lobe, our decision maker in our brain, doesn't even fully develop until about 25. Therefore, it really doesn't matter much if one individual is 45 and the other is 55, but when you start discussing one individual being 21 and the other 31, there are going to be some major developmental as well as life experience differences, in most instances.