So, basically... How am i supposed to tell what is my gender identity? Is it my mannerism and my behaviour, which falls into male/female stereotype? Or is it just my pure will all alone, what gender i /want/ to be referred to as, no matter what gender i behave or look like? I'm in the midst of my never ending confusion right now... And i need your help with this (&&&)
I've been wondering this for a while now...hoping some one can enlighten us on the topic Here's my attempt at "bumping" this post haha
Your gender identity is just that, how you identify. You behaviour and mannerisms, clothings and whatever else is your gender expression. So my gender identity is female, even though I have the wrong body, because I know that's what I am deep down inside. I'm just not male, even though I have male parts. So I could still go around wearing trousers and acting like a guy, but I'm still female. Does that help?
^She's right. I could be wearing a dress and makeup (I would never do that, but...), and I'd still be male (I'd look more like a drag queen than a girly girl, though).
Pretty much what everyone said. Your gender is what you feel like on the inside, whatever that may be. Personally I act and dress like a guy,because it comes natural to me and I'm comfortable doing it. Like what An Gentlemen said, I too could wear a dress, make-up, act girly and so on; but that's not who I am on the inside. On the inside I'll always be a guy.
Gender is a societal construct. Your biological sex has something to do with it but not entirely. Yes hormones and all that, but naturally there is no "male or female" set of parameters on how to behave. You choose how you feel and how you wish to present yourself. If you feel male, be male, if you feel female be female, if you feel "other" be other. I generally like being male most of the time at least mentally, but in all honesty I'd rather look like a female externally, but still like stereotypical male things like violent movies and video games and beer and stuff like that (again stereotypical and socially defined parameters of gender). But that's me. Even though I can't do that all the time. Be who you want to be.
your spirit of course! Think about it your whole life you have identified probably as male or female inside and that your spirit. Who is your spirit? That's your answer! For me, before I understood male and female bodies I thought I was like my mother female and as it turned out I was right. So reflect and see what you feel like inside perhaps a whole life of feelings. June
Thank you all so much! The problem is that i try to compose everything i know and what i feel but it kinda doesn't come together... Also, it doesn't seem to make sense if, let's say, my gender identity is male but gender expression and all external and behavioural traits are female by all means?.. Or does it? I'm probably just complicating it too much, haha So, what do i know: -i'm not a girl i don't like it i'm not comfortable being female i hate being treated as a girl, that's it -i'm not excited about the idea of being a man either, i don't think that's what i'd ever aspire to be -in my daydreams my alter-ego has always been physically male(though his penis is embarassing but it's a binary world), but he's long hair and genuinely is very feminine..it's hard to explain cause if you'd see him you'd probably say it's a girl (the best way i can show you is to say he's like pejic but with even more feminine features, but /still/ somehow he's read as a guy idk how it's a dream... probably not possible in reality) -but i hate penis. i must admit it would've come in handy when you pee, but otherwise i prefer having vagina cause it looks&feels like it's not there. basically i don't need any genitalia. -i've been hating my breasts all my life, they feel foreign, not comfortable, and when i bind them i never want to take it off cause flat chest feels amazing. pretty sure i'm gonna cut them off when i'm a bit older -i cannot quite tell anything about my behaviour... i'm more childish than anything, sometimes i like pink and disney princess', but compared to other girls my age i'm far too boyish. and not like them at all. -basically i just feel like i don't fall into any gender neither by mind nor by behaviour So, summary: i don't want to be a woman, i don't want to be a man, i want my body to look like it's not brutal but still male rather than female, i don't want to transition, i want my hair long, no genitalia and a flat chest, i though still don't know what is my gender identity, but as we have to be pronounced as one anyway, i'd choose male pronounce, behaviour - undefined Sorry for the annoyance, but i just have to hear some opinions from someone else, i'm no good on my own anymore! It's all kinda weird... I need to solve this mystery, please. What does this look like? Am i, well um... androgyne? /Would it be legitimate to present as male when i'm clearly not that masculine really?../ Please please please i just need to be sure when i say who i am. My own mind is just a mess it refuses to help me
could it be possible you're neural? Is the term agender? or a mix of male and female since you have male traits and female exterior traits but no genitalia wanted which would identify you as male or female as far as your body goes. But your spirit goes both ways at times or maybe the term unisex? I guess because I've always been female on the inside I never doubted I was a woman. Because I was never confused about that other people making comments were confusing and my body was confusing somewhat but never a day or a minute or even a split second have I ever been male.... So is hard for me to relate because I've always been just one thing female. I'll be really interested in knowing when you figure out what's going on and you get comfortable with one identity. Good luck, June
And what if i just don't know really? That's what is confusing about it! I know i am not a woman, but as far as i imagine the stereotype of a man, i'm not a man either. It's like... Probably yes, agender and other neutral terms look like it. But if this is the case, i dont' want to, like, explain every time... It's much easier to present as male, i don't mind male pronounce. And what do i do with my body then? That dysphoria, it gets me depressed from like 12 years old. Should probably buy a binder for now... You said my spirit goes both ways, what if when i consider those ways separately it doesn't feel like any of them apply to my character? Or is it possible that they do apply but only just mixed up together? Thank you :3
I agree with June. It sounds like you are describing something nonbinary. Not everyone fits neatly into the gender binary. (That's part of the reason I keep trying different HTTP status codes in the gender box.) I personally generally feel I should be somewhere in the middle, a balance of both male and female (and I'm trapped in this very male body), occasionally feel things are just right or completely wrong. Usually I feel my chest is wrong, and more neutral about things further south.
Yeah it's not binary, right. Ugh i feel you... Only that i'm trapped in a very female body, and always feel like it's wrong, not just occasionally. My chest is wrong and i don't bother with my lower parts. I'm now thinking more about the word neutrois for myself. Does it look like you? If not, why? If you don't mind my curiousity... I... You know, i can. Wow. This pretty much fits the most. Thank you. Time for silly questions now; about the word neutrois - is it a noun? Or maybe an adjective? It's singular, not plural, right? #foreigners' problems I'd be thankful if anyone could write down just how it's pronounced, i don't trust google translate this time... I researched the difference between agender, neutrois, androgyne etc. People tend to make one point: that neutrois' have their dysphoria making them want a body without any signes of gender(or something else, but in my case that's accurate). And that's what makes it fit more than other non-binary terms. Because it's so so accurate. I didn't quite get the definition of agender though i thinkk... Or that was for genderless.. Sorry, those terms are really confusing if you look closer. It's way more difficult than i thought it is. They say there are people who don't understand the whole idea of gender, and i forgot what term that was for... Okay, so it seems like neutrois is the gender identity when someone feels neither male nor female, but they have a gender though. Duhh complicated but i think it applies, i can realte to this... I probably have found my labelll... Still there're some little things to understand but it feels rather right!! Hey, and what if i say that considering adult men and women i'm definately neither, but considering children, i kinda have traits of both little boys and little girls? Leaning towards boys although. Now i feel weird even herein, lol.
Hard to explain... I suppose it could fit, but I think androgyne is a better fit. I tend to see neutrosis more as being NOT male or female, while I sorta feel like both...
Oh, okay, i get it. Just one last question, are you okay with not having the word for your identity? I know it's totally okay if someone doesn't want to label themselves, but can't imagine just how it feels, cause i personally can't stand this uncertainty and i've always felt the urge to get it right and freaked out because i couldn't.
Dani, different people see different things under the same label anyway. Unless it's something really common, you will have to explain the meaning the label has for you.
Well... Yes, that is true, i just want to say that i don't want to emphasize my gender identity when i meet new people, let's say. I mean, i don't want any special pronounce like "they", i'd be okay if everybody just reads me as a guy. I'd just be a not really masculine one... I'll be myself, and whatever if i'd be shamed and bashed for not being maculine enough, how it sometimes happens to feminine guys... Not sure if i can imagine it although from the point i'm at now.
I just chalk it up to semantics. Never going to have an exact match due to the nature of linguistics. I'll usually just use androgyne if given the oportunity/option, default to what my body is if the only options are male/female, or give something slightly confusing, yet unambiguous (like HTTP status codes) on sites like this one.
