Hi everyone, I finally graduated from lurking in the background/stalking this site for...um ...a couple years while I struggled with all manner of questions about my sexuality and who I was :starwars: This is out of the ordinary for me, but alas! This are rather extraordinary circumstances. I can't pick up the phone and call my loving and supportive parents in the Eastern part of Africa lamenting about the inner anguish and turmoil that plagues their only daughter so it's definitely a relief to have a site that offers support to those that don't fit the heterosexual mold. I've gone through the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in varying degrees. I think I'm close to coming to terms with being non-heterosexual, which will be a huge step.
Welcome to EC! If you ever need anyone to talk to just post a message on my wall and I'll be happy to help ^_^
Thanks. I sincerely appreciate that. ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2014 at 05:03 PM ---------- Thanks...confession, I'm really curious about your signature now:lol: ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2014 at 05:04 PM ---------- Thanks Alex. I have to ask, are you a soccer fan?
it's taken years, almost 20. For close to 9 years I was in a heterosexual relationship that had evolved into a marriage. During that time, I struggled with the denial, anger and bargaining stages of grief. By the time the relationship was ending, I knew I had to find my truth and a heterosexual relationship wasn't it for me. We had our issues but it wasn't fair to him or the relationship to stay and try to work things out. That was approx 4 years ago. Since then I went through denial, anger and bargaining again(that was frustrating) :bang: :tears: then stayed in the depression state for what seemed like eons, during that phase I'd read any book I could find. In the last year, I've found myself at the acceptance point, only I sometimes find myself bargaining when I think about coming out. I'm thankful my parents and extended family are not close by, it's made it easier for me to do this on my own.
Wow, a tough situation indeed. I lived, worked and travelled in East Africa a decade ago and the level of general homophobia was pretty shocking to my sensitive, liberal, western ears. Being openly gay was simply not an option and I think, if anything, the situation has got worse more recently. Funny thing was, back then pretty much every computer in every internet cafe had a browsing history full of gay porn. lol. Anyway, good luck with figuring things out - Even if you decide you can never come out to your parents you can still live a decent, honest, happy & fulfilling life by being true to yourself. Just make sure you surround yourself with good friends. All the best.
That's quite a while. A very long while but you made it! Close to making it at least right? I think I've been stuck in denial for like forever! This is why I've never really been in a serious relationship. Longest I had was 7 months and that's with the only girlfriend that I had. I don't think I'll ever be in a real one unless I figure things out and deal with these stages. :bang:
Definitely. It should be an interesting year to say the least. From what I hear, it's not any better. There are more people coming out and standing up for LGBTQ rights than ever before but it's still not a tolerant society. Gay porn? The ironies of life, huh? Thanks for the advice and taking the time to respond to my post. Though I miss my family, I'm grateful everyday that I'm not there. ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2014 at 06:36 PM ---------- Lol, yes. Most definitely, though I feel like this stage is also equally as hard if not harder, but I can at the very least, honestly say I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Fear is a terrible thing, it crippled me and I worried about family expectations, letting down my parents and the list goes on... Sounds like my denial stage as well. I'm no expert but I realized that I couldn't be in a true relationship until I figured things out, initially, the books I read didn't have anything to do with sexuality, they ranged from man's search for meaning, the alchemist, the road less travelled...I was in a funky stage, I'd venture to say there was an aspect of self loathing as well.
