my wife is PISSED OFF!

I can only speak for myself. I am good friends with my ex now, but her and I being more independent is what makes that possible. It was actually a huge relief when she found someone else. When we were co-dependant, it was a guilty mess and we would make each other feel terrible each time we saw each other, which is the exact opposite of what a relationship is supposed to be.

Our sexual relationship, being perfectly honest, was dead a long time before I came out. It just took us a long time to admit that much. It's not the end of the world if you can't be together.

It's not just that she isn't gay either. I am gay. I have found out that I can't be intimate with a straight woman any more than I can be with a man; something about her not seeing me as an equal and a woman feels just as wrong as letting a man having his way with me. I need an equal and a woman that sees me for who I am. She could not give that to me, any more than I could give her what she wants.

What I'm saying is, it is very very easy to feel guilty and focus on her being happy, her needs, what's fair to her. You deserve to be happy too! What you want matters. If you aren't getting anything out of the relationship, she isn't either. If you are going to be together, you both need to WANT to be together. That's something that took me a long time.

Having a kid makes things hard, but I can say that growing up with happy parents is better than growing up with miserable but together parents.

Your child is yours, and you do deserve to see them grow up. If I were in your shoes, that is probably something that would make me afraid, and want to stay together with her even in a situation that was unfair to me. What I would tell myself instead, is that one day, the child will be a grown-up, able to see me whenever they want to.

I can also say this. I never met my biological dad once growing up. I did not even know he was alive. I would joke some times that he would turn out to be Darth Vader and I would find out in a light saber duel When I met him, I discovered why he left - he was off and on homeless back then and did not think he could support my mom, and at the time my grandparents were rich. I could understand that.

My dad has, over the last two years, been amazing to me. He is a much better person than my stepdad ever was. I get along great with him. He is my biggest supporter in transition. We are admittedly more friends than father and daughter, but he is happy to stick up for me with more conservative members of our family and put himself out there to help me. Just being accepted by him and my Aunt is really terrific.

So what I am saying is, if the worst comes to worst, do not give up hope. I am not saying she would, but if your wife is ever angry enough to use your kid to get back at you, do not despair. Your kid is bright and has a mind of their own. As long as you truly love your kid, they will be able to see that, and you will still be able to have a fulfilling relationship. You did right so far. Whatever happens, the best thing you can do now is give them a set of parents that are happy, and want your kid to succeed.

No matter what happens, I know you can get through this, and so can your wife and kid.

 

You're doing the right thing. But it's always going to be tough on her.
Hope things get better soon. (*hug*)

 

(*hug*)

 

So sorry Emma. I can only imagine how much that must hurt. We're all here for you. (*hug*)

 

Emma you poor thing! /hug

This may be a really inappropriate or just plain inaccurate thing to say and I apologise if it is, but I remember how you said that she was likely to try and disappear with your children.

If it were me, now I'd be focusing on them and making sure that the last thing in the world they want is to never see (new) mum again! Perhaps that's selfish of me but I don't think I'd ever recover if it happened to me and I thought there was a chance the children where happy about it!

No, forget what I'm on about, it's coming out garbled, I'm just really worried about you!

 

Emma, sometimes it's easier to part your ways than to try to patch something that can't be patched. I am not sure if it applies to you, but good luck. Get a lawyer to know your rights well.

 

(*hug*)

 

My immediate thought springs to what happens when one of you moves on and finds a new partner?

 

I meant more in terms of, when one of you eventually finds someone, and you will, how are you going to work that?

Also, while I'm thinking about it, how do you plan on explaining it to your children?