Religion

Simple Thoughts · Jan 4, 2014

GreenSkies said: ↑

Simple Thoughts said: ↑

Call this religiously offensive if you must, but why even go through it? Why not at 18 just flip your homophobic parents the bird and go to college and forget their stupid community? I don't mean this to be bad towards the Jewish community, but I'll never understand making exceptions and going out of your way for a group that clearly isn't making any sort of effort on your on behalf. -.-'

Again...I apologize for the way this comes off, but I do mean what I've said.
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No, it's not offensive - It's a very good question actually, and I will try to explain.

Orthodox Judaism is a way of life that is all encompassing, including how you dress, what you eat, how you spend your money, how you spend leisure time, what kinds of jobs you get, who your friends are, what kind of education you get and much more. Some of these things have to to with religious laws and some of them have to to with the social/cultural aspects of the community.

When someone decides to break off from the community, it can mean losing your entire support system including friends, families and mentors. It also means a complete lifestyle overhaul, which can be hard even if it's what you want. When I've made small changes in my life, I always feel like I've been conditioned to feel like I'm doing something horrible even when there's nothing inherently wrong with whatever I'm doing (I'm talking about simple acts of eating food that isn't kosher or wearing pants in public).

To further complicate things, it can be hard to get the education and job skills needed to leave when you are still in the community, while hard to leave without them. However, I don't think that it will take aj9470 as long as it is taking me to make this break. I spent many years cycling between questioning and denial, and I only really came out to myself about a year and a half ago. I decided to stay for now while I finish school so that I can work on building an outside support system before I lose the one I have. Because aj9470 is starting this process at a much younger age, he should be able to work things out sooner.

I would also like to clarify that I think going to college or some other form of job training is a very good idea for aj9470, and I would encourage him to try to go if at all possible. I just wanted to explain to others that this isn't the simple suggestion that they might think it is.

aj9470, I would like to share these two resources with you:
1) Footsteps is an organization that helps people in Ultra Orthodox communities find resources to leave. They are based in NYC, so if you live there you can probably take full advantage of their resources, but there seem to be some helpful links that you could make use of even if you aren't in NYC. They help people out with school and job skills, resume writing etc.

2) This is a blog written by a gay Orthodox Jewish man named Chaim Levin. He does not update very often, but he has written a lot of entries that you might find interesting. In particular, he has written about being a part of the first ever lawsuit against a reparative therapy organization.
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So basically they hold you hostage using your entire ability to survive and everyone you've ever known/loved as leverage to keep you obediant to what they want you to be doing? I thought slavery was illegal -.-'

deadmau5ftw · Jan 5, 2014

aww dude, i'm sorry! That doesn't sound like the ideal situation :/

Hopefully your mom will come around if you decide to tell her again!

Message me if you ever need anything!

Winter · Jan 5, 2014

GreenSkies said: ↑

Simple Thoughts said: ↑

Call this religiously offensive if you must, but why even go through it? Why not at 18 just flip your homophobic parents the bird and go to college and forget their stupid community? I don't mean this to be bad towards the Jewish community, but I'll never understand making exceptions and going out of your way for a group that clearly isn't making any sort of effort on your on behalf. -.-'

Again...I apologize for the way this comes off, but I do mean what I've said.
Click to expand...

No, it's not offensive - It's a very good question actually, and I will try to explain.

Orthodox Judaism is a way of life that is all encompassing, including how you dress, what you eat, how you spend your money, how you spend leisure time, what kinds of jobs you get, who your friends are, what kind of education you get and much more. Some of these things have to to with religious laws and some of them have to to with the social/cultural aspects of the community.

When someone decides to break off from the community, it can mean losing your entire support system including friends, families and mentors. It also means a complete lifestyle overhaul, which can be hard even if it's what you want. When I've made small changes in my life, I always feel like I've been conditioned to feel like I'm doing something horrible even when there's nothing inherently wrong with whatever I'm doing (I'm talking about simple acts of eating food that isn't kosher or wearing pants in public).

To further complicate things, it can be hard to get the education and job skills needed to leave when you are still in the community, while hard to leave without them. However, I don't think that it will take aj9470 as long as it is taking me to make this break. I spent many years cycling between questioning and denial, and I only really came out to myself about a year and a half ago. I decided to stay for now while I finish school so that I can work on building an outside support system before I lose the one I have. Because aj9470 is starting this process at a much younger age, he should be able to work things out sooner.

I would also like to clarify that I think going to college or some other form of job training is a very good idea for aj9470, and I would encourage him to try to go if at all possible. I just wanted to explain to others that this isn't the simple suggestion that they might think it is.

aj9470, I would like to share these two resources with you:
1) Footsteps is an organization that helps people in Ultra Orthodox communities find resources to leave. They are based in NYC, so if you live there you can probably take full advantage of their resources, but there seem to be some helpful links that you could make use of even if you aren't in NYC. They help people out with school and job skills, resume writing etc.

2) This is a blog written by a gay Orthodox Jewish man named Chaim Levin. He does not update very often, but he has written a lot of entries that you might find interesting. In particular, he has written about being a part of the first ever lawsuit against a reparative therapy organization.
Click to expand...

I've never heard of an Orthodox Jewish lesbian in any place other than in "Trembling Before G-d." As I've read from your post, it seems being gay is like an extreme form of private in your culture.

Just so you know, you have my support. I wish you the best in your endeavor to freedom.

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