I am 22 years old and my life is falling apart. I am still in the process of coming out. I came out to my parents, which went well until lately. They told me it's like being an alcoholic, so all I have to do is stay away from drinks (girls) and I'll be okay. I have a three year-old and a one year-old who I was in the process of putting up for adoption. It is a miracle that I made it this far in my 3 year old's life, but when I found out I was pregnant with my one year-old (long story) I knew I couldn't do it. I was emotionally and financially unstable and I could not keep her. It was a difficult decision but I knew it was the right thing. When I told my parents, they threatened me and forced me to keep her. Here I am a year later, more unstable than ever. I know that legally, adoption is still an option. But...do you think it really is for me? Do you think it makes me a bad mom? A bad person? What would you do? I have a child already, I have bipolar disorder, I have three jobs, I am in a house that is literally falling apart and I can't afford it, I'm in the coming out process...my life just seems like a never ending pool of major life-changing events. I can never just take a second to catch my breath. PLEASE be honest and brutal with me. I need it. :help: :bang: :tears:
That's a decision that only you can make. I have a 3-year-old as well, and I know how hard it is with one. Two must be incredibly difficult. Do your parents offer any support or help with the kids? As far as coming out goes, I think I would just drop the subject with them for a while, until things settle down- unless you have a girlfriend. As far as your youngest child goes, how would this affect both of you emotionally? Would it do more harm to you than good? No judgment, but think hard about this. It's easy to blind yourself to your own feelings when you're in a state of panic. Also, does your state offer food or cash assistance? That could help with the money issue. I hope things get better. Keep us posted. (*hug*)
No judgement here as I am a huge advocate of adoption. I think you need to answer this yourself. I mean...if you honestly feel you cant take care of your little one, there is no shame in giving her up as long as you make sure she is going to a good home. That being said...would you be able to? Are you going to be emotionally able to give the child to someone else. NO! it does not make you a bad mother or person if your are doing something that you honestly feel is in the best interest of the baby. About coming out...in my opinion just drop it unless its something that needs to be addressed directly and immediately. Focus on other things for now.
Thank you guys for the feedback and support...I really needed it and I SO appreciate no judgement. I've just been feeling like such a bad person and mother lately.
Hi, so you have two kids and you want to give one for adoption? Are you aware that in that case you WILL have explain the other kid why you gave up his/her sibling? Maybe not now, but the time will come and no, the kid will not be understanding because from his/her point of view you robbed him of the closest person in his life and the kid will always think that it could be him who could have been sent away. Sorry, I am a parent and I lost a kid. I don't believe finances are a good reason for adoption and for splitting siblings. I believe you should seek help at organizations that focus on single mothers or poor people. I do hope there are such institutions in the US. I also think that you should consult it with your parents and ask them for help.
I'm blunt by nature, but I'm trying to be as nice as I can, so give me an A for effort. Parenting is not for everybody. It's not for me, and that's why I'm not going to have kids. Now I'm not punishing you for having those two children, but if you know deep down that you can't do it, it's going to be the best for those children in the long run. Now granted it would have been so much easier on them if you had put them up for adoption a long time ago, because then they wouldn't have associated you as their mother. When they get older, they're going to hate you for, in their eyes, abandoning them as children. At some point in their lives they may understand that it was an act of love because you knew you weren't fit to be their mother, but I think there's a very good chance that you'll never see them again, outside an open adoption, which you can try to have. There's no easy answer, but I'm going to leave you with one simple instruction: Do what's best for those children.
What you said about them hating her isnt true. its not true at all. I have two siblings who are adopted. a brother and a sister and they were adopted as small children, not infants, but toddlers. They don't hate their birth parents, they don't think of them, but they've never mentioned anything bad about them. my sister was adopted at 3 and my brother at 1 or 2. From two different families. I can't remember how old my bro was but he looks about 2. No they don't seek out their birth parents, that part is true, they have never met them and never wanted to. They think of my mother and father as their parents..but they've never had a bad word to say about their their biological parents. I don't know if they had siblings or not...it NEVER came up. They are/were happy as the children of my parents. Don't tell her they will hate her, because they wont At such a young age, they often forget their birth parents. especially at 1 yrs old and I doubt at 3, they will remember much either.
I do give you an A for effort AwesomGaytheist and I appreciate the time you all took to answer. If I did choose adoption, I am talking about putting my 1 year old up for adoption. We have been through a lot with my first child, but we have made it work. When I was pregnant with my 2nd (the 1 year-old) I distanced myself immediately because I knew that we were going to put her up. We talked to an adoption agency, picked out the family, and made the choice. When my parents threatened me, I felt that the only choice was to try harder and give what I had left. I told my parents that the only way I could get through was if they helped. They did at first, but then they abandoned me. Now my entire family is telling me that I'm a horrible mother because I can't handle my children. What they don't know is that I tried to do the responsible thing, but I was forced the other direction. Now my parents are telling me that they can't handle to help anymore because it's "too hard." Well duh it's hard...they're kids. How do you think I feel? I'm left with these children who came from me and I love to death and I can't handle both. I have distanced myself from the 1 year-old all this time because of all this. I'm so lost.
I can not imagine how hard it is to be raising two kids by yourself! I give you a lot of credit for all you have done so far! Whatever decision you make, just think long term. Make sure you won't regret your decision later in life! If it were me ( just my opinion), I would keep them and make it work. I'm sure it's easier said than done , but, they are your family and you are their mother! I am not a parent but I couldn't imagine giving up my child if I did have one!
(*hug*) Being a solo parent is one of the hardest things life has to offer. I often feel like my life is coming apart at the seams and I just can't take one more thing. You do what's best for you and your children. If you haven't bonded with the 1yo then adoption may be the best possible thing you can do for them. No judgement there, just simple truth. Do what you have to do to survive, that is all anyone can ask of you.
The first thing that comes to mind is really blunt, but I think you need to hear it as a mother, so I'm just going to spit it out. Screw your parents. You're an adult and the mother to your children, and you have the very basic nature responsibility to do what is in their best interest. That never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever requires permission from your parents. They're not the ones who brought that child into the world, you are. You're their mother, and it's your duty to do what is best for them. Adoption is never easy. They say to teenage girls who are going to put their babies up for adoption that they shouldn't hold the baby to avoid the maternal bond forming before they have to hand it over to another family. You've had that child for a whole year now. But I've always thought that it takes an incredible amount of love, maturity, and humility to be able to say, "I want what's best for my child, and I'm not it. And so I'm going to give him or her to a family that so badly wants a child and are able to give them the best home." That, friend, is a very selfless act. And there is no shame in it either.
I've been thinking about your post a lot. I think it's important to impress that this should not be a decision made because of fear or despair. Look into other options, talk to a counselor if possible. Make sure you've looked at it from every angle before you decide anything. I'd hate for you to look back and have regrets. If adoption truly is the best route, then it can be quite a blessing for a family who wants a child. If it isn't, though, you may be setting yourself up for quite a lot of emotional turmoil. I used to feel very distanced from my son, but then one day, he went missing. His dad was working on his computer, and I came back from the store and couldn't find him anywhere. It turned out he had just gone out the back door to play in his sandbox, and daddy hadn't noticed. But for fifteen minutes, I was more afraid than I had ever been. I didn't know how much I adored that child until he wasn't there. It was eye-opening. I think adoption can be a great thing, and I support that decision if it's what you think is best after careful thought. Just make sure you and your family can handle it. Also, you might ask your parents if helping out is so hard that they'd rather you resort to this than ask them. Are they willing to give up their grandchild because it's "too hard" to help?
Are you ready that you might never see her again? What if Sky looking for her? In my opinion, if you really have distanced yourself, do it fast. Baby can get lonely too .. About parents, don't think about they say or the other families, let them be. You know more about your condition, it's for your baby and you're concerned about her. Hang in there, Angel. You're strong and you've done what you can (*hug*)
If you truly cannot care for you children, then adopting out is a caring idea. Can you get quality counseling before making any major life changing decisions?
