I Knew I was gay when I was 4... Then forgot completely. Then I remembered when I was 10, then forgot again. Then I remembered when I was 13 I was in denial for about a week or less. (Must have been one of the lucky ones.) Because of all that my reaction was basically:
I just realised i told myself I wasn't but then I couldn't ignore for ever because it wasn't going away
I got really depressed when it hit me. I tried to cut my wrists because I thought I was a freak. I've accepted it now, but I'll still feel that first depression every once in a while.
Well, I only really realized it after a few years of denying it. But when I did it was: "well, that explains a lot", and I actually also though: "Hmmm, this is going to be...interesting!" I never felt like it was a bad thing, I just thought I wasn't. When I finally admitted it to myself, I didn't feel bad about it. Felt kinda good actually.
I just sort of always knew. Never denied it or tried hard to hide it. As a child I legitimately thought I was supposed to become a girl so I could fall in love with a boy. With time and some knowledge, I discovered two men or two women could in fact be in love, and I knew that was me. Around 18 (the day I joined EC and checked the box that said "gay") was the first time I had, as a conscious adult, used the term to describe myself. Then a few years later I told others. It was actually the act of telling others that made me become okay with it. In my head coming out was always this awkward scenario that could end badly. But once I began actually coming out, I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought.
