"No parent would want a gay child"

^This is what my mind turns to when I hear that comment. At least with parents, the accepting ones that is, I tend to think most of the blatant and explicit desire for their child to be straight stems from not wanting their child to be hurt or struggle to live a happy life. This is how it was with my parents. When I asked my very conservative father if he wished I wasn't gay, his only response was "I just don't want you to struggle unnecessarily." My mom's similar response: "I just don't want you to get hurt."
Neither argued that homosexuality was in any way morally wrong. Honestly, if we didn't face such discrimination or physical and verbal abuse, I think a lot more parents wouldn't give a fuck about the sex of their child's partner.

That said, since this relative was not your parent, she may not have meant it this concerned way. What was her tone? Did she sound concerned or like she was trying to insult you?

 

They do sometimes start begging their kids (who aren't out to them) 'please make us grand-kids, please makes us grand-kids, please make us grand-kids'. This is true for both myself and my cousin (who I have a strong suspicion isn't exactly straight)

 

Although it's often out of the fear that their gay child will be treated badly, people who say it don't realise how hurtful it is. I'm sorry, no parent would want me? I'm just pointless and unwanted and dragging down my family. That's what I think when a parent says that.

 

Ignore her she isn't truly "family". Family should love and support you no matter what.

Sadly this is true my incredibly pro gay mom has always longed for a gay son.

 

There are a lot of lousy parents out there. They don't realize that just being supportive will drastically improve the chance of their gay kid having a decent life, or at least make the teenage years more tolerable. They are often ignorant of how much easier it is being gay these days, in many places anyway.

One comment from a parent i saw was they were relieved when the kid came out because it meant no unwanted pregnancies. If we're being honest and remove parents' own homophobia and selfish reasons like wanting biological grandkids from the equation completely, being gay should be way down the list of concerns.

 

This might not necessarily be homophobia. Often people say something like this expressing the idea that a parent wouldn't want their child to be gay because it often means more of a struggle and nobody wants their child to have a hard life or to be judged for something like their sexuality, but it's an unfortunate reality oftentimes.

 

sorry you had to hear that crap i love my daughter and want her to be happy and if girls make her happy so be it if my son is gay it will be alittle harder the love part dont bother me its the sex but i may be projecting my own dislikes for oral and rear door stuff true blue mom:smilewave

 

What about your two brothers?
Are they not interested in kids, either?

 

I only have one brother and he has all sorts of behavioral problems as well as moderate Asperger's/Autism. He hits my mom and calls her a c*** 10 times a day, and no woman worth her salt would ever put up with that. I also think he's gay. He's incredibly feminine and has no interest in girls. That could also be autism. My mom has said a few times that she thinks it's so bad he'll live on disability. So I don't see him ever having kids.

 

Yeah sounds like what i meant. Gay or not, they should be more upset about your brother's situation it sounds like.

 

Eh, even when "I just don't want you to have a harder life" is the reasoning, I still find it kinda offensive and hurtful if parents or anyone says they wish I weren't gay.

I mean, if you follow that logic, you would say "black people shouldn't have any children and continue to exist anymore, because being a black person means a harder life". It's offensive to suggest a group should stop existing, just because that group is mistreated and discriminated against by society.

As for me yeah I know it makes things harder, but despite all the bullshit we put up with I'm proud to be gay and would never in a million years choose to change that about myself, so don't tell me you wish I were straight out of any sort of misguided sense of pity.

Anyway, personally, if I were to become a parent, I wouldn't mind a gay child.

Actually I think there are some mothers out there that actually do actively want gay sons. (I remember on an episode of Absolutely Fabulous, Edina said she deliberately played Donna Summers while she was pregnant to try to make her son gay :lol. I mean, there's a certain kind of special relationship that can only ever exist between a mother and a gay son, someone to go shopping with and ask for fashion tips and watch the Oscars with, ya know.

 

No one wants their child getting pregnant in high school, either.

If my kid came out to me, I would celebrate.

 

Actually, im straight, and if i had a daughter and then she came out as a lesbian, i would be like woohoo!!!. Cause that means she is probably not going to get pregnant and also the fact that lesbians are less likely to get STDs... Also, that im attracted to women, while she being attracted to women could make us closer, i could even provide more consolation if she for example gets rejected by a women or gets heartbroken by a woman, i would be like " i know how it feels, it had happened to me".

Another thing is, having a gay child means another gay child that wasnt born on an homophobic family, another gay person who is going to receive love and acceptance.

 

As people have said, although the intentions behind saying "I don't want my child to have a hard life" when referring to a gay child are generally not malicious, they still come off as hurtful. If I have kids (dubious), and one or more turns out to be gay/bi/whatever then I would never say such a thing to them. And I wouldn't hope for them not to be non hetero either. Life would be easier for them if they were straight and everything, but I would never actively hope for them not to be gay. That's just initiating a whole series of bad events if you ask me.