Hi guys, I was unsure on where to put this but i guess it belongs in here, if not please move it. So here's the thing: I have felt attraction to the same sex since my early teens and I've never had problems getting aroused by gay porn, I actually love it ha. But... my few experiences hadn't been exactly what I've been expecting. I mean I enjoy them but something is missing and I'm starting to believe I'm the common factor. Something's wrong with me. I know it's soon to draw any conclusions but it keeps happening. You see, the few guys I've been with are quite good looking, perhaps not exactly my type but they are more than fine. And I have no problem getting aroused but I don't quite enjoy the sex that much. Last time took me forever to cum even when the guy did literaly everything to pleasure me. One of the things that worries me the most is that I've come to realize I really don't like kissing, I actually try to avoid it. Weird right? So I don't know, it's kinda stupid but I'm afraid of being a little asexual :/ All that asexual, homoromantic, demisexual stuff really confuses me. I blame it on some of the meds I've been taking as they could be affecting my libido but I don't know, I'll probably just keep experiencing... Help Diego.
Asexuality is defined most narrowly by the absence of sexual attraction to all genders. So if you feel sexual attraction to men, then you're not asexual, even if you don't enjoy sex. (Of course, there's the question of what exactly sexual attraction is, but if you know what it means to you, then there isn't any reason to get into that.) Asexual, like gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and so on, can also be used in a more general sense other than the strict, sexual-attraction-based definition. If you don't like sex and would prefer to avoid sexual relationships entirely, then I say asexual would be a fair label to adopt. Alternatively, there's also gray-asexual -- you experience sexual attraction but otherwise find the concept of asexuality useful in describing your sexuality.
Hey, do you use porn a lot? Do you depend on it for sexual release? I had this problem. Porn could get me off after a few seconds but in real life, the sexiest men I've been with tried with all their might, but I just couldn't climax, or even get aroused. Once I stopped watching porn I did notice a difference. It's baby steps but it's progress. I also thought I had no sex drive either, but once I cut out porn and had more frequent sex, I was actually hornier ; L
Damn and I thought it was going to be hard to come out as gay, how am I going to explain this ha, but as you suggest, I think "asexual" doesn't really fit me, but we'll see. Thanks Well, I used to, not that much anymore but I guess I could say I've became a little dependant on it as I've had trouble climaxing with out it (just my imagination usually doesn't work). I will cut out porn, tho as I don't get laid that often it will be hard lol, but I'll try! Thanks for the advice
From what I've read on the subject, asexuals can enjoy sex or masturbation, but they very rarely experience arousal. For them, sex or masturbation are about the sensations more than anything else, and for some of them masturbation is more a means to an end (example: an aid to sleep). I'd say you're not strictly asexual because you do mention you find it easy to get aroused with gay porn and in hook ups, though there are different degrees of asexuality and you might find yourself somewhere along the scale (think of the Kinsey scale). Or you might not be asexual at all and you were just quite nervous/stressed during your experiences with guys and that's why you didn't enjoy the sex. Something similar happened to me the first few times I was with a guy. I met him on a dating site, we skyped a few times, and then we decided to meet to go out for lunch or to the movies several times. We got along real fine so we decided to meet in my apartment to watch a movie. I was super nervous and I even had to ask him for permission to let me put my arm over his shoulder lol while we watched the movie, to which he agreed. Afterwards we cuddled and so far so good; not only did it feel very good, but for me it also felt right (for a moment I felt like I had found the answer to the question I had been asking myself for years and wanted to say "I'm gay!"). But then things escalated rather quickly for me at least :lol:. He wanted to kiss and I agreed, but I realised I was not enjoying it much, I was actually feeling disgusted rather than aroused. Finally, we tried to jerk off and I had a real tough time cuming, guess I was feeling more anxious or shocked than excited, because I tried a lot of new things in such a short amount of time and I tend to overanalyse everything. I wondered if I was asexual or had just been stressed and nervous. We talked about it and we decided to go one step at a time next time, since he apparently had a way higher sexual drive than I did. We also kept on talking and going out and I got to know and like him better. The next couple of times we met I had problems staying hard myself and I didn't even know why it was. We talked about it too, and agreed to go at my own pace. In the meantime I think I started falling for the guy. It got to the point I was looking forward to and enjoying kissing and sex with him. That's why I consider myself demisexual, which is an orientation that's supposed to be halfway between asexual and sexual and it's defined as experiencing sexual attraction to someone only when one's developed a strong emotional connection with that person. My 2 cents: just take it slow, mate!
