How did you know you were gay?

This thread got me remembering how I have at times reached down to holding something male only to find nothing there. LOL Pansexuality and Bisexuality can get confusing. LOL

 

I remember having one of my first "intrusive thoughts" when I was 14 when some college kids came for a presentation in my high school class and there was a really attractive girl there. I couldn't get my eyes off her and then the thought of making out with her just jumped into my head. I just thought "What?...that's...lesbian. I'm not lesbian, though! Lesbian is something else, it's not this."

Then when I was 15 a bisexual girl had a crush on me and flirted with me and I remember flirting back and thinking that dating her would be nice. I wanted to be close to her and do nice things for her and make her laugh and I would replay conversations we had but I never questioned my sexuality because I thought she was so cute and amazing that anyone would do what I was doing.

That summer I asked my self if I was gay after seeing two girls making out on a tv show and having my first thought be "hot." Looking back at my girl crushes and feelings, I couldn't logically deny it.

 

I always knew I was different. At school I was bullied and called fag and poofter before I even knew what those words even meant.

In my early teens I found some porn magazines and I felt turned on by the men in them and not by the women. By my mid teens I knew inside that I wanted sex with men and I would even masturbate over gay porn magazines but then I feel overwhelmed with fear and shame and would destroy the magazines and dispose of them and push my gay thoughts and feelings down.
I would tell myself it was a phase and then I would have very short term relationships with girls.
I was petrified that when the time came to have sex with a girl I wouldn't be able to do it and my secret would be out and everyone would find out I was a "pervert".
But that never happened and I could in fact do it and I actually enjoyed it and so this strengthened my denial even more because now I had proof that I wasn't gay and I would convince myself it couldn't be so because how could it be if I was fucking girls right?
Wrong! The desire for a man was still there and it wasn't going away. I was lucky enough to have a few close friends who were already out as gay and bi and so eventually at 18 years old I said the words to another person for the first time "I am gay" It was somewhat of an anti climax because I had made such a huge deal out of it in my mind for so long that when it came down to it, it was pretty insignificant really.

The first gay sex I had was awful. It was with this guy I wasn't even attracted to and he gave me marijuana after.
The next time I had sex with a guy I became infatuated and then had my heart broken for the first time.

 

I think the first sign I had to indicate I was gay was a scene from Will and Grace. It was on TV and I was just watching it, not really understanding much (I was about 10, 11) and there was a scene where shirtless, pantless men were dancing and I was incredibly aroused, to the point I played with myself, something I had never done, which I'm guessing was a good indication. But then I got so scared that I refused to accept it, even though I wasn't sure why I was so scared.
I was incredibly confused as to what was going on, because I couldn't accept what was going on, I couldn't accept that I was actually gay, so I was confused on what happened then, because surely I can't be gay I'm straight. Allegedly.

Despite that, I kept finding myself aroused by scenes such as that, and I found myself talking to boys much easier while girls I felt awkward around. As time grew on I found myself being more and more emotionally and sexually attracted to males, but I kept denying it, and hating it until I finally accepted it last year. So yeah. You could either say when I was 10, or 16 when I accepted it.

As for first crushes, I only remember having one crush when I was 'Straight'. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm fairly sure that this was after the First sign of arousal. Upon reflection I didn't like her (her name was Emily) I just thought she was nice. And If you want to get deep maybe it was me overcompensating.

I never really showed specific male crushes on specific people, more just found it much easier to talk my male friends, and found myself much closer to them then my girl-friends, as said before, more emotionally attracted. I guess my first crush came the week I accepted myself. The person I was talking to who basically made me realize what I was, I kinda developed a crush on, but after a couple months that disappeared. And my second crush (still) came maybe 2 months after my acceptance, to my straight best friend. So that's my story. Rambly post. Sorry!

 

I knew i was bi when i had a crush on my best friend

 

This is kind of cringe worthy but I will say it anyways... I think I was looking at porn one day then I was just like "let me click on the gay section"... I clicked on it and I knew I enjoyed watching it more then normal straight porn lol... Also in P.E classes when we had to change clothes... I used to stare at my friend... He even said to me "dude are you looking at my cock"... Thinking back now it is kind of funny but like 4years ago I was like "OMG, he saw me looking"...

 

I was in the sixth grade. I had a crush on my cousin's friend. I never thought of it as anything more or less. I knew it was a crush from the get go. Accepted it on the spot. But then I repressed those feelings and stayed in the closet for almost 10 more years.

Things never worked with the guys I was dating and I wondered if maybe it was me. It was. I was asked one day by a guy I was dating, "What's a turn on for you?" Without even thinking, I blurted out "boobs." That's when I knew that I needed to acknowledge it. I broke up with him shortly after and started my year-long self discovery, in which I came to complete terms with it and even came out.

Now I am dating an amazingly wonderful girl and have never been happier. I have never once second guessed myself or my relationship. This is the first time I have ever been so content and so happy.

It only took 10 years from the time I knew to the time I accepted it, but I got there.