Masculine gay guys

I'm also in the same boat. I'm all bearish on the outside but feel kinda' pretty and frilly on the inside. It's a matter of getting my feminine side out without feeling phony.

 

I strongly relate to this. All the out gay guys at my work are all effeminate, loud and very talkative, the complete opposite of me. I don't think I have ever met another gay guy who is not effeminate. Homophobia does seem to relate to the stereotypical gay guy instead of the "straight acting" gay guy. I could never see myself with an effeminate guy though.

 

That's because you're still in the closet. Take it from someone who used to feel that way, there is a high chance you will feel differently once you get past your internalised homophobia.

 

That's total bullshit. Some guys like masculine guys and some like feminine.

 

It may well be bullshit for you but no matter how hard you try you are not going to be able to change the fact that I was obsessed with how straight acting I was and how I could not stand effeminacy until I came out of the closet and stopped being a self hating dickhead.

 

It's kind of similar to being a femme lesbian. You avoid any abuse and shit, but no one ever thinks you're gay. Eurgh.

 

Except, not all masculine dudes are pretending. Just because you were self-hating and in the closet, doesn't mean everyone else is.


You should just be yourself, but definitely not insult other people just because they aren't like you.

 

Yeah you absolutely shouldn't insult other people. Which is why I'm so shocked by the overwhelming "no femmes" attitude being displayed in this thread. I thought more of the sort of people who normally join support sites. It's really quite nasty to what I'm sure is a lot of people on here.

 

I havnt seen anyone insulting Femm guys or anyone else on here, just people saying what their preferences are and how most out gays guys seem to be Femm. I get on quite well with some femm guys at work and always say "hi" when ever I see them, its just a personality trait that im not currently attracted to. Im sure you're not attracted to every single person on the planet.

 

They're just stating that they don't prefer fem guys. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not like we're going to tell them to fuck off, we're just not going to start a relationship with them. And there are many people that feel that way towards masculine guys. It's no biggie.

 

There is no "gay-acting" or "str8 acting". It's a sliding scale of campiness <-> manliness (or
butch <-> femme for the females). There are personality traits that are associated with one group, and some with the other group, and some neutral traits. In the end, it's just part of a person's personality. Camp ≠ Gay. And, what about the guys who are neither fem/camp or masculine? What are they called?

 

Oh sorry, I don't think the subject of the thread was offensive because it's a legitimate concern. I just dislike the replies which perpetuate the idea that it's somehow better to be "straight acting".

And for what it's worth, for every feminine guy who thinks masculine guys are trying too hard to be straight, there is a masculine guy who thinks that feminine guys are trying too hard to be different.

Personally, I'm gay. I like guys. I couldn't give a shit whether they're masculine or feminine, and it seems quite sad to me that some people insist on limiting themselves. But to attempt to justify limiting themselves by belittling the people who they refuse to date is beyond reprehensible. We're here for the same reason: to unite against discrimination. It isn't helpful to anybody if we continue to perpetuate it within our own community.

As for the topic of the thread at hand, I would suggest getting involved with a local LGBT group where you can be completely open about your sexualty no matter how obvious you make it without having to be worried about people's responses. Build up a network of gay friends through them and eventually you'll find a lot of eligible partners/hook ups depending on what you're looking for.

 

OK, so in the last week, we've had:

* masculine guys who can't find other masculine guys because everybody out at gay places is always effeminate

* masculine guys who can't find feminine guys because feminine guys reject masculine guys out-of-hand

* feminine guys who can't get any masculine guys interested in them because they're not masculine enough

Can we get a thread about feminine guys who can't get another feminine guy interested? I think we'll have bingo at that point.

Lex

 

I look forward to this and the mildly amusing discussion it will produce.

 

Honestly I am not entirely sure that femme behaviour isn't an affectation a good portion of the time, peacocking so to speak. It's a worthwhile strategy int the sort term if you live in an accepting area, it makes you visible. The downsides are manifold, not least of which is the fact that as a relationship progresses you are going to have to let your hair down, and your partner is going to be surprised when their lover's flame is not as bright as they were lead to believe. For some guys it isn't an affectation, and that's fine. I am just saying that you shouldn't be surprised when people interested in dating men seek "manly" traits.

 

Ever since I was little people called me gay because I had a high voice, and so no guys wanted to play with me and I played with the girls. So my whole life I've been called effeminate and gay. It hurts being judged as gay even though at the time I didn't know I was just because of the way you act.

Being gay isn't being a diva or fabulous. It's about liking men, or women or both or whatever your preference. It doesn't mean you are going to act a certain way.

Don't you worry, one day you will find that special guy to snuggle up to, he'll be the one that doesn't judge you because of your masculinity, he will love you for you. Not how you act. Best of luck