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21-year-old Lesbian Dating 16-year-old Lesbian

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by spockbach, Sep 26, 2013.

  1. Femmeme

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    Way too much of an age gap. When you're that young (16) anything over a two year gap is too much. People grow and change so rapidly at that age and having an older partner inhibits that growth. I say this as someone that dated a 23 year old when I was 16.

    Of course I wouldn't listen to anyone either, so go on make your mistakes and try to learn something from them.
     
  2. spockbach

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    We ended up having to break up because both of our parents freaked out. I got called a pedophile and kicked out of the house. Fun times.
     
  3. BiPenguin

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    I see nothing wrong with it. Just be sure of the laws in your country/state regarding the age of consent.

    ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2013 at 09:37 AM ----------

    FFS, it's not pedophilia. That is such a wrongly used word. Pedophilia is related to children who are pre-pubescent, usually under the age of 12, technically speaking. Hell, when I started going out with my wife, I was 24'ish and she was just shy of 18.
     
  4. Femmeme

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    That's awful. I hope you're ok (*hug*)
     
  5. sammy1

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    Well I personally wouldn't date a girl 5 yrs younger than me...they r too immature usually. But like someone mentioned before as you guys get older the age difference doesn't seem so...taboo? Maybe? Just my imput on it
     
  6. spockbach

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    Thanks, guys. I still haven't been allowed home. I feel like such a moron.
     
  7. BiPenguin

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    Look at this as your chance to start your life anew. Surround yourself by reasonable people who don't disown others solely for holding alternate life views.
     
  8. Chip

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    Your parents reaction is certainly an overreaction. But ask yourself honestly... would you have broken up if they had not had such a strong reaction? I suspect that part of their motivation was to have the desired effect. Doesn't make it right, but at the end of the day, it will benefit both of you in the long term.

    I would suggest that you write your parents a letter or email. Assuming that you've legitimately had the chance to think about this and realize why it wasn't a good idea, talk about that. Talk about what you've learned, and maybe even the details we've talked about here as to why it was a bad idea, and that you don't feel like being estranged from your parents ought to be part of the deal, and ask if they'd be willing to meet with you to talk face to face.

    It may be a combination of shock, some unconscious homophobia, and maybe their minds feeding into some hysteria about the (nonexistent) association between pedophilia and homosexuality that's driving their behavior. Unless they're really, really rigid, I'd think some conversation would help to smooth things over.
     
  9. Cynder

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    Two things.

    1.) coming from someone who is almost 16, I feel that the age gap is a little large to have a SERIOUS relationship, but a relationship is still ok. The important thing is to keep out power imbalances and pressures, but love is love.

    2.) when my grandparents had their first child my grandfather was 16 while my grandmother was 20. Not when they started dating, but when they had their first child. Granted, my grandmother thought he was 18 or 19 when they met, and he was mature because he had run away from his house and had been living alone since about 13. However, they still love each other, and have a strong, beautiful relationship, and I don't believe they should have been deprived of that because of age.
     
  10. Pocky

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    For what it's worth, you're not a paedophile. That's a sexual attraction to a child who has yet to develop secondary sexual characteristics.

    Your case is more that it is seen as unethical, as Chip mentioned. Whether you actually are or not, society sees you as having much more experience and knowledge and therefore power over a 16 year old.

    It's not always the case. I think there are plenty of 16 year olds who know much more than me about love and relationships (and I'm 23!).
    Regardless, we're a judgmental bunch and even though it's legal, you are going to find a lot of resistance from others with that sort of age difference.

    I'd suggest any future partners be at least 18 years old. You know, that magical age when suddenly you are imparted with all the knowledge of the universe *sarcasm*.
     
  11. spockbach

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    Yeah, I feel like a complete idiot. I love her, but I didn't realize that I could get in so much trouble for this. Stupid me.
     
  12. Chip

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    Don't feel stupid. Ultimately, you got the message. Just learn from the situation, and give your parents a little time, and then reach out to them. I wouldn't assume they're going to ditch you entirely, they just need to understand what was going on, and that you have the message loud and clear, and understand now.