This might be a little lengthy but any input helps. I've sort of avoided these sites because it gives me anxiety to even think about being a lesbian and often i find myself asking myself if i find someone attractive just because i'm so in my head about possibly being gay which causes the anxiety to rise more, maybe i'm looking for someone to tell me i'm not? I guess there is going to be a time i will have to confront whatever is happening to me so what better day than today right? So i'm a 23 year old female, throughout my life i've always had gay and lesbian friends. throughout highschool and college, but i had never been attracted to any of them. I always thought i was an open minded person because of it. Well this past february, i had my first attraction to a woman, she was rather masculine in the way she looked and presented herself, we had a short fling and i didnt think anything of it. At the time i knew that dating one would lead to more, and it did, nothing came from any of them though something didn't click personality wise i think. My issue is that it felt so normal to me... if any one of them had asked me to be their girlfriend i would have said yes without hesitation (i think) and i've never felt that way with a man. Whenever i go out with guys i get this awful anxiety feeling, i enjoy myself sure and of course i've liked guys but ive always been afraid to sleep with them. The last guy i dated for 3 months i couldnt be his girlfriend because the idea made me anxious because i felt like what if someone better comes a long. I get that feeling with almost every guy. I just don't know whether what i'm feeling is legitimately fear or maybe i just like women? with guys i feel a constant need to be perfect, my body, my makeup, my face and i think that has stopped me from sleeping with them, lets not forget getting pregnant. The one guy i slept with wouldnt wear a condom and im not on birth control. whenever i'm with all my lesbian friends i find myself trying to impress them, but i can't tell whether i just like the attention or not, ive only been intimate with one of them and it made me want to do it again which is something my lesbian friend told me would happen "once you sleep with one woman youll want to sleep with more" But then i have this ridiculous attraction to a guy at my gym, like i was so nervous i almost got sick and i dont even know him but at the end of the day i dont know if i would sleep with him... I'm just so confused I dont know whether i like women, whether i like the attention, whether i'm bisexual and am afraid to have sex with a man or whether maybe i'm straight and am just thinking about it constantly that im just convincing myself that i have attractions to people.... Please help! i'm exhausted, im thinking about it all day everyday and i even had a dream last night about being a lesbian. It's like a nightmare that i can't get rid of, i just want to be able to relax. Some days i'm like ok if im a lesbian no big deal... and then some days i think there is no way because of my strong attraction to some guys. It's back and forth all the time and I just need help! sorry about how long it was, thank you so much for reading my novel
For years I have wrestled with my sexuality. I have always know I was queer just not sure to what extent. What I have found is not to really worry about it. Sexuality is fluid. And just as I think I am completely gay I see a beautiful woman walking down the street and again I know I am not gay. So my advice would be if you find a man you like and want a relationship with give it a try. What can it hurt. Just make sure your first time with a guy is with a caring, compassionate man. Any man the won't wear a condom is an asshole and doesn't deserve you any way. Just choose any partner wisely. Relax and enjoy your journey to self discovery.
Thank you so much! i truly am trying to just let things happen but at the same time it takes up so much thought throughout the day i'm having a hard time going with the flow! I will try though so thank you again!
i really believe that sexuality is fluid. In fact, it is actually pretty difficult to find someone that is really completely straight or gay. Dont just think about finding label for yourself, instead, think about who is the person you want to wake up next to everyday in your life?
