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Coming Out to my straight friends?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by knightwing, Sep 23, 2013.

  1. knightwing

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    I'm out to everyone - my friends, my (not so accepting) family and pretty much every new person I meet -- except for like this small group of like 5 straight guy friends who I would say are pretty close to me (as in we get along really well, shared a cabin together on camp, have one really close-knit class together).

    Anyway, In that group of five theres one boy in particular who - if someone was to ask who my guy friends were - I would call his name right off the bat.
    We have this in joke about me running an all female strip club (dont even ask), and the other day I felt I was ready to come out so I was like "how bout adding some males into the employees" as a bit of bait for him to catch - but he just looked at me funny and laughed, saying 'im just trying to figure that one out". I guess he might already know - and by extension the other boys probably do too - but that sort of made me a little bit shyer when it comes to coming out to him.

    Look, I really think I would be comfortable if i came out to these boys , but Im just not sure how they might take it. Chances are they probably already know (or suspect) but I just dont know? I dont see an issue why I shouldnt, but my gut is telling me to hold back. What should I do - come out to them? Yes or no?
     
  2. Episode

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    If you're ready, then yes! Sometimes your steadiness fluctuates, so think of this like a window of opportunity. Of course anything can happen, sometimes people who you'd expect to love and support you turn out to be quite the opposite... but trust your instincts! If you think you're ready to tell people and someone particular will be okay with it, then don't hesitate. What's worse is ruminating about how things could go down, delaying the whole thing until finally you come out without being completely prepared. Often you make things appear much worse in your head than they actually turn out to be!

    Few hints:
    Assess their personality and composure, try and guess how okay they'll be with it.
    Get an idea of their religious positioning - sometimes they may personally be okay with it, but they'll have this obstacle of religion preventing them from being close friends with you.

    How you tell people is up to you, but I'd suggest mentioning that the person you're telling is one of the first few - I know it sounds like sucking up, but that way they can actually realise that you trust them with this and they should feel privileged.

    Best of luck! I trust everything will be fine :slight_smile:
     
  3. HeyBeard

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    The way I see it, If you guys are as close as you say...you should have no problem coming out to them :grin: True friends will accept you for you, and will support you in any decision you make. If you feel like they already suspect it, then they probably do haha. Those kinda gut feeling generally are true in most cases.
     
  4. BKTHforever

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    I have a guy friend, he is homophobic, and he was very understanding, both with me being bi and also when i told that i was transgender.

    he i very religious (catholic) and he was not "afraid" of me as a transgender, but took it very calmly.

    well, i dont know you personally and i dont know your friends, but i would tell you to, if you are afraid of how they would react in the group, tell them one by one.

    but i am not you, and you know best how you are feeling bout this whole thing.
     
  5. Varro

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    Some good advice already noted here from people of younger age, but from my perspective, and I'm a Yoda, take your time and let things unfold.

    You say they suspect or already know? Let them ask when they are ready, if they are uncomfortable with you and your gayness per say, they will have let you know by now?

    Hugs and chill padowen.. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Yossarian

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    My instinct would be to pick your closest of these friends, the one you feel is most likely to be accepting, and tell him privately first, to see how he reacts and perhaps to gain an ally for a later announcement. Your "secret" will be out soon in any event, but this way avoids a scene where each of these boys feels an obligation to be macho out of fear that HE will be thought to be gay if he supports you. It would be so good to have someone to stand by you and say "____ is gay, and that's OK, he is still my mate" when you make the announcement, showing that it is OK to be straight but have gay friends by example. Good luck to you when you decide what you want to do.
     
  7. knightwing

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    UPDATE: So I basically dropped a huge hint last night in my gay ramblings of Lady Gaga and Tyler Oakley - and he still really didn't say anything. Maybe he knows and he's cool with it so he doesn't want to make a fuss? I don't know.

    Thank you all for your thoughtful answers and help, I really appreciate it :slight_smile: :slight_smile: <3
     
  8. LinkLarkin

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    If you want to be sure then you might just have to tell him in no uncertain terms that you're gay :slight_smile: I was dropping hints to my best friend for weeks and he was brushing them off so I thought he wasn't getting them, then in the end I just came out properly to him and he said he thought it was funny how I thought he hadn't picked up the hints! :lol: