Innate Bisexuality

IDK about "everyone is bi" but it's certainly possible most are. Looking at it graphically, sexuality from gay-bi-straight is probably a sort of skewed inverse bell curve, showing that most people will be towards either end (more who are straight) but very few actually at the extremes.

Bisexuality fits for me. I try my hardest to question everything before judging, and I think I did the same for sexuality eventually. I figured "Why shouldn't I enjoy looking at guys?" and went with it lol. But that does require attraction to guys first.

 

I won't say "everyone is bisexual", since that would invalidate the identity of millions, not to mention is far from proven fact, but, I've always had a hard time taking anyone who says, "Nope, never, not under any circumstances whatsoever," seriously. That type of stance is not innate.

With attraction, there's a lot more to the equation than what we were programmed to want. Influences from environment, upbringing, and biology, for instance, which is why I've had a problem with the whole "born this way" argument. For a lot of people, attractions develop over a life time.

I also think love plays a huge part in sexual orientation: how many older gay men and women on the site have compared the bond they have with members of the same sex to that with the opposite? That, in turn, adds to the physical experience.

 

I don't agree with the idea of innate bisexuality (and in fact this discredited theory is being used right now to justify the homophobic policies being implemented in Russia, on the basis that "homosexual propaganda" is what causes innately bisexual children to develop into homosexuals rather than heterosexuals).

When you use scales like the Kinsey scale (0-6), or your 0-10 scale, then it would seem probable that the majority of people are in the middle, and thus most of the population is bisexual. However, remember, such scales are entirely arbitrary there is no evidence or reason to believe that that there are equal numbers of people at each point on the scale. And I believe, in reality, the numbers would be skewed heavily toward the exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual sides of the scale; to think otherwise is to accuse 99% of the population to be lying or ignorant of their own bisexuality by claiming to be gay or straight.

 

This, exactly.

It's like...I hear this stuff about how everyone has to be a little bisexual, and I just don't get it. For me there is zero ambiguity. I'm gay, completely. I am 100% attracted to guys, and 0% attracted to girls. I've tried in the past...when I was 12 and realized what being the way I am meant, I tried so hard to "make myself normal" (what I THOUGHT was normal) and be sexually attracted to girls, and I was always SO disappointed when it, obviously, never worked. I couldn't even muster a LITTLE feeling for girls, that way.

So, yeah, I dunno. I guess this kinda theory rubs me the wrong way, since I tried so hard to like girls, even just a little, and it always ended with me being depressed because I simply didn't. I am totally gay, and so are sooo many others, and hearing theories like this feels like invalidating an identity so many of us fought against, came to accept, and came to be proud of.

 

I know that you don't mean it this way, but I find "everyone is bisexual" somewhat offensive because it just reminds me of the times when I was told that "you just need to find the right guy". There isn't going to be a right guy. For a lot of people there isn't going to be a right guy or girl. To me, it just sounds like my sexuality is just being invalidated. I've kissed guys before and no matter what, I don't feel a thing.

Why is it so hard for us to accept that there are just a lot of sexualities and genders?

 

Bullshit.

 

What do you mean by true love? If you mean "unconditional love," then sure, I guess, since gender would be a condition, but otherwise I disagree. Love can be "true," as in felt sincerely and strongly, without being conditionless. I can say that I truly love my boyfriend without implying that I would love him in the same sense if he became a woman.

Sure, people's sexual preferences can change within a certain range. I've experienced that to some degree. I've never experienced sexual attraction to women, though, thus my sexual orientation is homosexual.

Okay, great. My question is whether you would still believe that if multiple studies found the opposite result (i.e., most people are "0" or "10"). If the answer to that is no, then I have no problem with you believing this for now, although I do want to hear about the evidence you've considered before coming to this position.

This argument is pretty bad. You can't be certain about anything; you can't be certain that the sun will rise on the morning of September 20th, 2023, either, yet it's highly probable that it will. Because it's highly probable, concluding anything else is absurd. If you currently have no inclination toward the opposite sex, you probably won't have enough of an inclination ten years from now to marry a charming woman. Certainty is neither here nor there.

There have been breakthroughs in neuroplastic and epigenetic research about variance in sexuality. You just haven't heard about any of it. Before you ask, though, no, they have produced no "certainty," but again certainty is a non-sequitur.

This doesn't seem to be relevant. Some species interbreed, therefore humans are all bisexual? Am I misreading this? Someone help?

Explain, please.

People are born curious about what interests them, but interests vary between people to some extent, and that is what you haven't taken into account.

 

I suspect more people than people think are multisexual. But not most/all. And I don't think we're innately bisexual either, excluding those who are bisexual ofc, if that makes sense. Why do I think that? Because people say they aren't bisexual, and I have no reason to doubt them.

Also:

True love is an illusion
Unconditional love doesn't exist
And for most people, love is 'sexually preferred'

 

I think that people who are 100% gay or 100% straight or exactly 50/50 attracted to both genders are quite hard to find but it doesn't mean that they don't exist. Most people are forced to identify either as gay or straight because society forces them to. And they identify as gay if they are, for example, 75% attracted to the people of the same gender. You know, that would be easier to find your mate when you are either gay or straight. Being bi is hard, you know...
I'm not a very romantic person, but I think when it comes to love, your brain stops distinguishing the gender, and only goes for the person. Or maybe it's only my brain?! I don't know.

 

My boyfriend wouldn´t touch me anymore if I changed into a woman. He could still love me, but would be unable to have sex with me. Our relationship as such would be over. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. He is pure and only gay 100% He gets violent physical reactions if he thinks of a vagina, let alone having to touch one. He hates female bodyparts.

I´m not sure if I would be able to love my boyfriend if he was to change in a girl.
It´s not that I don´t like girls, and he is very girly anyway, but I like dick. Sex IS an important part in our relationship.
I´d love him no matter what, but it wouldn´t be the same kind of love.
The "extra" of the physical/sexual attraction makes it special and different from loving your parents or kids for instance.

 

I'm in the same boat as you. The way I rationalize it, is that I can't understand how someone could NOT be bisexual. To look at a person of undeniable quality and just not be attracted to them in some way or another, I don't know.

I'm okay with most people being binary, that's fine for them. I think society puts enough pressure on everyone to constrain them. If people were told they'll fall in love with a person, instead of that they'll fall in love with a woman, I think the world's sexuality might be a little more fluid.

 

You can be attracted to them in some way or another. But what makes a love between couples so special is the sexual attraction with it. If it isn´t there it isn´t there. It´s not something you can avoid. People that are raised with the idea that being gay is wrong can still fall in love with someone of the same sex. Even when there is a deathpenalty over their heads....

So don´t tell me society has anything to do with it.

Society can make that you feel puzzled about same sex love or anything, but doesn´t keep people from loving other people that "society" doesn´t want them to love.
If you fall in love with men and women, that´s fine, but there are people that don´t, even if they are totaaly free to do so.

Love happens.

 

I want to caution against this type of reasoning. This is the same stance that many homophobes take when they "don't understand how someone can be gay". I've heard time and time again (usually from cishet males) talking to a gay friend of theirs saying, "C'mon man, look at that girl; you mean you don't feel anything sexual for her?"

I personally don't like the "everyone's a little bit bi" thinking. To me, it minimizes and devalues bisexuality.

 

I really should have phrased it differently. What I really meant was that's my rationalization for how I know I'm bisexual. I can't imagine being me, and not being attracted to both. Bisexuality is integral to my human nature, and I can't really, truly imagine being on just one end of the spectrum. I am entirely limited to the experience of my life. I can sympathize with a binary sexuality, but I can't really empathize with it. That's all I really wanted to say.

I really just meant what I stated above, a binary sexuality isn't something I've ever really experienced, so I can't really empathize with it. I understand that most of the world does follow a binary sexuality, but it's just not how I am, and therefore, a little bit beyond my grasp.

 

There are so many different ways to be "attracted" to someone. I am romantically and emotionally attracted to feminine-gendered people, and I am sexually attracted to the female body. A relationship without both romantic and physical attraction just won't be as fulfilling for me. To say that you can't understand how someone could not be bisexual, just because you identify that way, is unfair. I could turn it around and say that I don't understand how anyone could like guys, because I'm not personally attracted to them, in that way.

Maybe not for you.

There are different kinds of love, so as a general statement, I agree, but the kind of love we are talking about here (the kind shared by people in a romantic relationship) is "sexually preferred," for me. Not everyone is bi, so not everyone thinks like you.

To penguin machine: Yeah, I just read what you posted above, so feel free to ignore me. Your response wasn't there when I started typing.

 

This is a form of mind projection. That you can't conceive of something is not strong evidence that it is not the case for other minds.

 

I'm not arguing that binary sexuality is impossible. I'm aware of the fallacy but that's not what I said. That I cannot conceive of something is in and of itself, only evidence of the limitations of my brain. I can no more empathize with a binary sexuality than I can really empathize with being a girl.

 

But you're still wrong.

I like the same sex, which means I'm homosexual. Not 'multi-sexual'.