Goodbye God... Hello Gay, anyone relate?

Just a thought and feel free to ignore it, but try and avoid putting the idea in your head that accepting you are gay forced god out...I only say this because if at any point you find yourself in a panic and suddenly find god again, you may start to blame your sexuality and try and repress it and/or punish yourself for it. I've seen enough people do things like that!

 

I come from a very religious country, where people simply can't imagine someone not believing in God. A lot of the stuff that goes on here would be considered highly inappropriate and in poor taste in a civilized Western country.

The very first time I question religion, I was probably about 7 or 8. I had no concept of homosexuality back then, so that hadn't anything to do with it. It's not really at all hard to figure out, even intuitively, that it's all made-up. It was sorta like Santa Clause, only the whole world was a victim of the lie. However, back then the idea just seemed grim. I didn't want to imagine that my parents would just die one day, and that would be it, they'd be gone and I'd never see them again. So I put the doubts at the back of my head, said to myself that even if it wasn't true, there would be nothing to lose if I did (later I'd find out this was called Pascal's wager). Plus, I was young, and all the adults said it was all true. Surely they couldn't all be deluded. Maybe there as something wrong with my reasoning.

Even though I acted very religious (many people thought I'd become a priest), I never really liked the character God. Every time we'd read Bible stories at school (Christian indoctrination is mandatory in Romania), I'd find myself disagreeing with everything God did in them. He seemed cruel and petty and disgusting. He seemed to not understand people. But thinking like that is what led to a one way ticket to hell, so I tried not to even have such thoughts.

Another source of doubt was the existence of other religions. In school we were told that other religions were wrong, that they worshiped the devil (including other Christian denominations). But it wasn't hard to realize that they probably said the same things about us. A Muslim would most definitely think that Islam is right, and all other religions are wrong, just like a Christian think Christianity is right, and all else is wrong. All of them have holy books that say this and that, all of them claim "miracles" etc. So, ultimately, how could one be sure that the religion they followed was "the one true religion". If you're objective, you realize that everything from Christianity to Scientology has pretty much the same amount of "proof" going for it. All this being said, it was hard for me to accept that anyone would go to hell for not following "the one true religion", as whoever "the one true God" was, he did a piss poor job of letting people know about himself. Still, what was the harm of just going with what I'd known since I was born, right?

Then I became a teen, and sex became an issue. I repressed my sexual urges, beat myself up due to them. I don't know if other people here ever found themselves crying themselves to sleep after having masturbated, sure they would wind up in hell because of it. To make matters worse, I finally became conscious that I liked other guys. What was I to do then? I couldn't help feeling the attraction. Denying it was hurting me. Why was the world a better place because I was hurting myself? Or was it just to please God, because everything that pleases God is "right"? And if God was pleased by me hurting myself, why was I worshiping this [insert nasty word here]. The doubts came back, in full force. I tried to find a way of reconciliation between being a Christian and being gay, but it seemed impossible, though I had decided that if I was gay, that was that. Change wasn't possible. And quite frankly, I didn't want it. Guys were beautiful, sexy, I loved looking at them, touching them, being around them, being with them. I didn't want to ever stop enjoying that.

Thankfully, I was also a lot more smarter (or should I say wiser?), and a lot more confident in myself. I had more access to information than ever before. I was going to college. I was learning about the differences between culture and nature, about history, about the role of mythology in society, how society functions, about science and why we trust it. I also learned about fanatics, and realized that people can delude themselves into believing the most outrageous things (be it the Christianity of the "martyrs", or the communism of the Joestown community - behavior that might be labelled a mental illness in the future). I was happy to realize that my instincts had been good when I had had doubts. So I gave up on religion, not because I liked other guys, but because it simply wasn't true. And nothing good comes from believing lies. It's better to be honest. You can get used to the truth, whatever it may be.

Religion, for me, was a traumatic experience. Losing it wasn't a was more happy than sad. It wasn't just losing a "person" (God). It was breaking free of shackles, escaping from a cage, killing a dictator (God). I don't miss it at all. Never been happier. The idea of a meaningless universe has never seemed sweeter.

(I apologize for the rant.)

 

accepting my homosexuality has strengthened my faith in god. fancy that. not all "organised religions" are evil.

for to love yourself is to love god.

 

Mine was about six months after I realized I was bisexual that I realized I didn't believe in god.

 

My sexuality, and my behavior as a result of that, has caused me to be turned off by a lot of religious organizations. It has not changed my fairly traditional belief system all that much. It has only changed my desire to be involved.

 

Oddlife, I have to say it. God loves unconditionally. He doesn't care if you're gay, straight, bi, or trans. God loves everybody. I know it sounds corny, but it's true. I'm a T-girl, and rather than feel God go, "Bye, thou freak", I feel His love every single minute of every day. I hear Him call me 'Daughter' when I awake, and when I go to bed.

God doesn't hate you. I thought I lost Him too, for a time. But He welcomed me back to His loving embrace, and I cherish it.

I hope this is comforting for you. Good Luck.

 

For the first part of the last 28 years, I considered myself a devout modern Orthodox Jew. I have gained so much from that, but part of it was also a way to repress my orientation and to marry and have children in light of the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. It was also a way of living my own philosophy, not just contemplating it from an intellectual distance. What's important is that it was my choice.

For me the seduction of religion (from the Latin root oligo "to bind", also the root of "legal" and "obligation" among others) was to have life all laid out before me like an instruction manual, it was a comfort in a turbulent ever-changing world and in my own turbulent life.

So now, I have finally realized, recognized, accepted and acknowledged that I am gay.

Now what?

I adhered to a religion whose organized part calls it a sin, and yet I got so much wisdom and such wonderful relationships out of it that I am loathe to leave it...but leave it I must. The gap is too wide to bridge.

It will be Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) in a few days. These begin the "Days of Awe" where God judges you on the year you have led. It's a time of reflection on past deeds, both good and bad and the hope is that redemption will ensue with the proper meditation and repentance of sins past.

As a gay man, who hopes one day to marry a man, I simply can't return to the Orthodox fold. Fortunately there are other options in my fair city, and I am planning to go to the Reconstructionist congregation (very liberal philosophy that considers Judaism to be primarily a culture, favoured by mostly left-wing intellectual types) with some old friends of mine. That I am even contemplating this would have been anathema to me, even a year ago. Reminds me of the joke:

"If a Jew were to go live on Mars, how many synagogues would he need? Answer: two, one he would go to and one he would not be caught dead in."

 

While I didn't lose my faith in God my theology has certainly changed. I used to be a very fundamentalist right-wing conservative Christian. I used to believe that the bible should be taken as literally as possible and that it had answers for my life today.

When I finally came out as bi' I started questioning what I believed. The quest led me to become much less conservative and to believe that much of the bible is figurative and not literal. I do still believe that Christ died for my sins and that the bible has some good guide lines for being a better person. Yes, I still believe in God...just not the God I grew up believing.

 

Oddly enough, the process of realizing that I was gay actually brought me closer to God. Before I accepted myself (a long process which took about four years), I felt a lot of guilt and wrongness about the way I felt about other girls. Once I fully accepted it, I found I could truly love myself. Once I started loving myself, I felt like God loved me too.
Whew-- that's enough spiritual talk for one day.

 

Actually I had a similar experience. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and was a devout Catholic for many years. Religion was a major motivating factor for why I spent much of my teenage years closeted and self-hating and homophobic, always convinced I would just live as a straight person forever. Religion served as a cover for my sexuality, and really messed me up psychologically.

I began questioning both my sexuality and religion at around the same time; when I was finally able to accept myself as gay, I no longer needed religion to cover up anything, I was free to be myself. Liberating myself in terms of both sexuality and religion happened at around the same time, influencing each other, but not really being the cause of each other. I find many of the things I used to believe silly now, so even if I weren't gay, I still likely would be an atheist by now.

I have since embraced that freedom. While I sometimes wish I were still able to truly believe in a God who I could pray to for help when I am alone and isolated in the world, that ship has sailed.

It might take some getting used to, but it's okay to lose God. Being gay is part of who you are, you can't get rid of it, accepting that you gay is necessary for you to live a happy and fulfilling life. But God is optional, if you no longer believe in him, you can still live a happy and fulfilling life. So don't get too hung up on the issue.

 

Accepting my desire to be a trans woman and also be bicurious has certainly helped me stay away from religious institutions, but I was never that much of a religious person to begin with anyway.

I wasn't raised religious, per say, but the belief in god (the jesus kind) was definitely in my house and family. I recently found out that I do have a branch of people in my family that are some of the strongest catholics around, but other than that my family is pretty casual about religion.

The main reason why I stay away from religion now is because of the crazies out there. The westboro baptist church people and islamic extremists are the worst. They can turn almost anyone away without even trying... lol

All I know is that I am proud to be what I am, and if someone has a problem with it because of what an ancient book told them how to feel about it, then I consider myself a higher ascendant being than them.

 

I was super duper religious as a kid. A part of it gave me emotional comfort when I felt the world wasn't being very nice to me thanks to bullying in school.. so I would pray, a lot. I was raised as a Christian, but eventually converted to the Greek Orthodox Church. I'm still attached to a lot of the ideas shared by Orthodox and Catholics but I just can't agree with the clergy when it comes to LGBT issues. Naturally I haven't been to "Mass" or "Divine Liturgy" in months because of it..

I just feel conflicted. I've contemplated atheism for a very long time, but I don't feel quite "ready" to leave behind all spirituality no matter how illogical it might seem. People have told me I'm still going through the pains of deconversion as I've changed my mind on whether I believed in any of that religious stuff or not, off and on for awhile now.

My conflict with my own gender has made me question it too. I simply can't believe that I'm "sinning" just because I want to change my body, even though some would tell me otherwise. I also can't see how it's wrong to follow your heart, and choose to love someone even if they are of the same sex as you. It's not like anyone woke up and decided they were going to be gay or lesbian, it just happens. Something so natural shouldn't be wrong, and life is far too short to not be happy..

 

Growing up, my family was quite religious, especially regarding my Mother & Grandmother.
From a young age my mother had me praying and reading biblical stories , you name it.
From my elementary school years well into H.S., I was usually in church on sunday, in sunday school, an even had a brief stint as an alter server. Looking back though I wouldn't say that my sexuality had a part to play in my weakening faith, however it definitely plays a huge role in my feelings of alienation from the church today.

I've been questioning god's existence well before my realization of my being gay. It always struck me as questionable that there have been countless civilizations all with there own "gods" & "higher beings" all that have been done away with at some point (I.e the Greek Parthenon of Gods, Hindu Gods, Native American Gods & Spirits, Ancient Egyptian gods,Norse Gods, e.t.c) Most of those were done away with due to shifts in power and colonialism.The way i see it, should aliens appear, colonize the planet and usurp power; we may end up worshiping their gods.

Not to mention a point Adi brought up in his post "..I'd find myself disagreeing with everything God did in them. He seemed cruel and petty and disgusting.." I just found that God seemed too 'Human' to be a higher being, in other words it seemed that he himself was vulnerable to 'human vices' like Jealousy, never really did like that.

 

I started seriously questioning my sexuality around the middle of my university course and that's probably when I started drifting from Christianity too. I'd say both those things were catalysed by isolation.

As I lost more and more of my friends, I introspected more. I thought about the relationships I used to have and how I felt about the people I met then. I also noted how at 19, I had never done anything with a girl, even this one who seemed to like me at the time. So I kept analysing and still do.

Meanwhile, I considered the religious ethics of being gay. I figured that God had made me that way. That didn't make it righteous though. It was up to me study scripture and work out for myself what is and is not sinful and what to do about it. And that could potentially strengthen my faith, even if I found out that was more naturally inclined to sin. However, I had few religious people around me and as I was faced with more worldly personal issues, I thought less about my religion.

I see no reason to give up on God and I still pray every Sunday. If someone asks whether or not I believe in Him, I don't have a straight answer. If there's a hell, I'm probably going there regardless of my sexuality. But becoming a better christian isn't a high priority of mine.

 

God and gay can both coexist, but believe whatever you believe.

I just urge you, though, to hate the ideas not the people who have the ideas. There is so much hate even in the LGBT community against religion.

 

I don't feel as if I've lost God. Perhaps the view of God I had before I realized my homosexuality. Perhaps I've gained a better insight to the person of God. My greatest issue as of now is my reverence of Jesus, and questions as to his divinity; for while he seems to be one of the best examples of humanity, his divinity claim is based upon old scripture which conflicts with my very identity. Very perplexing.

 

I don't view God in a religious context at all. I think man did that to do what man does best: lay down laws that support those with the most to lose.

God and I are good. Because for me, God is everything. God is not a book or a building or scripture. God is the air I breathe, the stars in the sky, the atoms forming who I am. So I guess I never lost God... I just look at it differently now.

 

This is exactly describe my relationship with God.

 

I'm turned off by organized religion. I definitely believe in God and that he loves all of us.