Being "Whipped...?"

I've never been in a relationship but I am kind of a docile person when it comes to certain things.

I get told I can be a "doormat" sometimes, and I understand where it comes from having a negative vibe around it. Most people think if you just do what people say you have completely no brain at all, and you must be some sort of slave :eusa_doh:

Most of the time when I just go with what people say, it's only the people I trust. If I have just met you, chances are I won't do what you say unless I intended to, or you have a gun :lol:

I only really be that submissive (if you will call it that) whenever it is with someone I trust, because in my mind, if I trust them that must mean they want what is best for both of us. True sometimes I get used a bit, but I never let it go on for long, and most of the time it's simple things like going to get something for someone. The whole negative thing with it can be true sometimes, but at least in my case, it isn't that I have no brain. I just do what they want because I trust them and their decision.

 

The one relationship i was in, he was so jealous and dominate that he basically took over my life, so was whipped i guess but not consentually

 

I've never been in a relationship, but I do have a strong opinion on the concept.

I often hear guys say "Yeah, I gotta get my wife's permission to buy another gun since she has the final say on it." I just don't understand that. When I eventually get a partner and if we move in together, I want to keep the finances seperated. Each person has an equal amount of bills to pay, but the money each one makes is kept seperated. That way I could go out and take my extra overtime money and get him a gift without it being like he paid for it too. I could also go out and buy a gun and as long as my bills are paid, I'm the only one who needs to make the choice.

My male friend had a girlfriend who was suffocating. He saw that I had a motorcycle and he loved the idea. I was helping him look at bikes and we were going to get him a project bike to work on and ride. His girlfriend found out and forbid him to get it. She withheld her body from him because she didn't approve of it. I think that's horrible. They ended up breaking up because of how she did things like that.

I don't think it's good in a relationship to either A. Demand that your partner relinquish all control to you and B. actually relinquish all that control and leave yourself treating your partner like your superior.

That's just me.

 

If not into whipping, both literal and metaphorical. I also don't have much respect for someone who accepts the metaphorical kind.

---------- Post added 21st Aug 2013 at 10:20 PM ----------

That's considered domestic abuse in some places.

 

Ah, at first I thought you meant literally whipped, like with a whip! In those cases, it often seems like it's the person who is more 'powerful' in life who then becomes passive, and exchanges roles; the high-power executive used to being in charge then takes the other role. But not always; this can take many forms, from normative and healthy, to dysfunctional, along a broad spectrum. But that's another discussion!

~

I have seen relationships which I would call uneven, in that one person seems to be in psychological control of the other, playing various ' mind games', perhaps as way to avoid intimacy, and actual sharing. It always seems sad to me. Nothing may ever be exactly even, but I like the idea of a relationship being partners united for a common 'good', a kind of sanctuary in which they can help give strength to each other.

 

I've never been in a full relationship, so it's hard for me to say. However, if I were to end up whipped, there is no way I wouldn't resent them for it. I'm very easy to manipulate because most of the time, I know that I'm being manipulated, and yet I don't want to stop. This just makes me hateful towards myself, and it brings out the bad side of me.

The closest thing I had to a relationship only lasted for a couple of weeks, and it ended with me being left for my straight friend. The thing was, I knew that she was going to leave me the whole time. I knew exactly how it was all going to end, and yet I just let it happen because I kept it in my head that "maybe she won't".

I'm fully capable of being whipped because I will always view anyone who wants to date me in the best way possible even if I deeply resent them. I don't think it's right, and I'm very saddened by this fact, but I know that being optimistic has a very big downside. People end up whipped not necessarily out of fear, but because people take advantage of their partner's nature.

 

I think the reason you are getting a lot of feedback from men is because men (don't shoot me) tend to have a lot of pissing contests, and the whole dominance thing is all over the place. Hence the pissing contests.

So I think it's because with men at least the ones I know, tend to try and prove who is an "alpha male" to one another. So in a relationship if you have two dominant personalities it can clash, not saying they don't work out. There are plenty of relationships with two dominate personalities, both male and female, that work out. What tends to happen is if a guy who is more submissive and sort of layed back gets in a relationship with someone who might be a bit of dominate guy, it could get seen as "whipped" when really it's just one person who is fine doing whatever, and another who tries to prove themselves.

I could go on and on about power in relationships, but I think the main thing is that, no one is better than the other partner, they are both equals. More so in gay or bi or even lesbian relationships (sorry if I am forgetting other relationships) where people ask the classic question:

"So who is the man/woman?"

So maybe some people are more controlling because they want to be seen as the person who wears the "pants"

 

I'm the first female huh?

I've dated before but I have never been whipped. I'm very independent and, quite frankly, I'd end a relationship before letting myself become whipped

 

I've been on both sides (Prior to recognizing myself as gay).

The one time I was not the "whipped" one was when the guy practically whipped himself. I would try to get him to make decisions because he was always being way too ... not too nice but too.. you know? I was left to make all the decisions despite trying to share the process and it was frustrating because he would only make decisions when I "made him" and then it was back again to him doing what he was told. It wasn't much of a relationship and I broke it off quickly.

The one time I was on the other side of it was because I felt intimidated.

 

Did we have the same ex?! It got so annoying and frustrating. And, of course, I ended up being responsible for everything. Felt more like a parent than a partner.

I'm sorry you were made to feel intimidated, that's never right. (&&&)

 

To me, being "whipped," or controlled, is a lack of respect for my independence and intelligence. It's never happened, because I don't go there, and I'd be gone real fast.

A lot of the time it's really nothing more than people living out the same roles they saw in their families of origin. With some of my male friends, they married their "moms," who were very controlling and their wives are controlling. And since I'm sort of a free spirit, their wives made sure the friendship with my friends was dialed WAY back, because my independence was a "bad influence."

 

Absolutely. I have been whipped before. I would do anything she said. But things got very bad in the relationship, and it ended.

I have the tendency to be whipped in a relationship that is important to me. I guess you could say I'm eager to please. Though, I would never do something that includes putting myself or anyone else in danger.

 

sexually, no.

when I was a kid for reasons, I think I had

 

This is not a serious thread; for one, you vaguely define being "whipped"—probably to allow yourself to argue with anything that comes along. I'm curious as to why you would do anything anyone wants, anyway; from any end, whether submissive or eager to please—even vaguely doing "anything" someone asks of you is a personal form of manipulation. What are you trying to achieve?

 

Bud, no one has argued at all! She is just curious what others think. That's why it's in the chit chat forum and not a support forum. She's curious, and we're all giving our opinions.