A Turning Point

I loved this post, GW! It's very encouraging and exciting to hear things like this once in a while. You have an easy and natural way of getting your point across as well. This whole natural GW thing suits you very well and I'm happy for you. (*hug*)

You should add this post to your blog.... and then add some more if you have time and the inclination.

 

That is so cool!

 

So happy for you and glad that you're happy .
Keep us posted! I mean of course when it's convenient, it just brightens my day to read that someone's day was great.

 

Okay, I have kept this thread open in my browser for about a week now (yes, I never shut this laptop down, lol). I figure it's time I quit delaying and actually reply.

I am real glad to hear you've gotten to a stage that I am working hard to come to myself. My life, like most people, has had its phases and times when things were better than others. In middle school, I remember being this class goofball who was relatively hyper, focused, and, to be honest, more 'openly gay' than I am now. I didn't think of myself as gay back then, but out of my naivety for what other people would consider gay behavioral stereotypes, I was acting in a way that felt the most natural to me, which is fairly queer.

High school is what killed it. Once I started hearing comments about some of the things I was interested in and some of the behaviors I had been displaying, I immediately bottled that up. I would modify my actions and even my tastes and interests to try to fit into a more 'straight' persona. I really don't know why I did it, but I guess it was a deep fear of being gay and what it would mean for me in general. I didn't want the social stigma.

Well, I've been doing the best I can to give the royal 'screw you' to things I picked up while I was a confused teenager. It is, indeed, a slow process. I felt an immediate joy and a small sense of pride and willingness to be more open as soon as I admitted to myself and to a few others that I was gay, but actually letting it all go?

Well, those are walls I built pretty high and pretty solid. As tall and solid as yours as a 53 year old man? Probably not, but solid enough for me to feel that tearing them down would kill me. That is what I'm working on and that is a big part of why I'm seeing my therapist. I do believe I'm coming close to that. I have come out a bit more casually to friends that are a little more distant and am working on not having that pit of stomach terror feeling every time I tell someone, hah.

I just don't know of any 'gay village' around here though, lol. On the other hand, my hometown does have one of the highest ratios of gay households in my state (including two lesbian households within a block of my house), so perhaps that counts for something.

Anyhow, real happy for you as you continue this journey, and thanks for sharing it. I actually found it helpful and encouraging. Best of wishes.

 

Yes, GW is always a good read. He's philosophical and practical at the same time, sort of painting a picture for you. It's a good skill to have.

 

I'm happy for you GreatWhale. I'm going to try over the next few days to take a trip into the village by myself and walk around. I live and work in NYC and its a piece of cake to get there. I'm just nervous to go and what to do and expect. I'm not good at all these quote things but what you said about the stages, I'm all over the place in those stages, I think i'm passed 1, dwelling on 2, and skipping to last step. Thank you for you inspiration

 

Yeah, my old self, my old everything, is crumbling around me. I am ending all negative entanglements and letting whoever it is that I am just emerge. Yeah, you're right, I am happier than I've been in a very long time!

I wish this for everyone here, and all our friends in the LGBTQ community in the whole world, all those who deserve, and have the right to expect to live as they are.[/QUOTE]

Greatwhale! You're making me cry over here!! Thank you so much. Your posts are awesome and I benefit every time you share. I'm really new here, but I've started to feel the "crumbling" too. (singing) At laaaaast, my love has come along...

 

(dancing?) Pee-wee's Big Adventure - Tequila - YouTube

 

You're not saying you've taken to dancing in biker bars au naturelle? HAHAHAHA

 

Add it to the bucket list, friend.

 

Many people seem to feel that being gay, or bisexual for that matter, is only about who you share your bed with. What they don't understand is that it brings a whole different set of sensibilities with it. Things like how you align yourself politically, who you establish non-sexual relationships with and how, the activities you choose to support, etc. It's not just about sex.

However, when people do make it just about sex, it is their way of marginalizing us. They want to hold the belief that we are not real people with real lives. It makes it easier to look down upon us when we are reduced to a purely sex-driven persona. The reality is that sex doesn't really occupy us any more that it does straight people but that doesn't fit pre-existing agendas for many.

---------- Post added 28th Aug 2013 at 06:08 PM ----------

Just Do It.

 

I'm happy for you greatwhale! Since coming out here as gay a few days ago I've had similar feelings. You make me hopeful. Please read my blog post.

 

Yes, when we are viewed in a marginalized way, it makes it easy for people to dismiss us or not take us seriously and it becomes shorthand for the thought that there must be something wrong with us. And yes, I think what you said about the only context that people understand is true. Sex is that only part of gay life that registers with many.