A Turning Point

I definitely get what you mean about reaching some sort of milestone.

Visiting the village was really interesting, I have to admit. When I went last Monday (for that Queer Comics Conference), I was too busy looking around the village and talking for the whole experience to really sink in, but after I got home and slept for the night, I started to process all that happened. It's really an interesting feeling. I was initially really hesitant to go to the Pride Parade on last Sunday (I'm generally always hesitant about a lot of things), but as the week progressed and as my experience in the gay village sunk in, I started looking forward to going to the Parade more and more. I was getting a bit excited about it, which isn't something that I feel very often.


I'm going to try and figure out a way to visit the village more often once college starts, and possibly either bring some people with me or try to meet some people over there, whichever comes first. Not necessarily for hooking up/boyfriend stuff, but just building a network of gay or gay-friendly friends. Got to start somewhere.

Also heard of a store for geeks near the college...will have to check that one out.

 

That is great to hear, Greatwhale! It's good that you are breaking free of your former shackles. Ironically enough, looking around at today's crop of 20-somethings really does inspire me. They don't give a crap what anyone thinks! I would like to emulate that, and am doing my best. It sounds like you are catching on as well! Best of luck to you as you become more and more comfortable "in public" with the "real" you! (I think that sentence needs more quotation marks!)

 

I am still a bit nervous of too much "sceney" stuff, as I'm not really a clubber and that's all that's really around where I live (that's nothing to do with being gay though - I dont dance well!).

However, I got to go to San Francisco earlier this year and went to the Castro and it was amazing. The sight of the giant rainbow flag was just amazing and I did shed a tear. What I need to find is a really nice gay friendly coffee shop in yorkshire!

 

Yay!

At first I was afraid to do things that were gay because people might call me gay..
Then I was afraid to do things that were gay because I didn't do them before and wasn't sure if I was just 'trying' to be gay..

Then I decided to just do whatever I felt like doing and I havent looked back.

 

Hi greatwhale

Great to hear you have really pushed the comfort zone once again and ticked off another milestone, not many of those left I recon. You are making me feel quite envious, you’re like an express train, and you have covered so much distance since February this year.

Sale Gay Guy

 

I'm so happy for you! I'm glad you are finally able to be open with everyone. It does feel great to find the true you. Good luck with your ride: life!

 

Greatwhale --

LOVE hearing the place you're in in life now!

Every time I think I'm "out 100%" there's one more gay thing I push myself to do -- and its amazing, liberating, exciting, wonderful.

You are clearly happier, maybe than ever?! Enjoy your new normal.. everyday!!

Pete

 

That is awesome greatwhale!!! I love it that you can finally be you! I will be so glad when I get to that point in my own life, as well!

It's great to be happy and to be comfortable with who we are!

Pippi

 

That is awesome! It really is comforting to know that we can keep pushing to be ourselves and we can be okay with it!

A recent experience of mine was being at a restaurant with my mom (who has only recently reluctantly accepted my orientation). The waitress asked if we had any plans for the weekend and I said that was going to visit my girlfriend over the weekend. It didn't even occur to me that somebody might think that odd because it certainly isn't to me anymore.

 

Muahahahaha! Yes, greatwhale (and all you others), come over to the queer side. We have better cookies, better drinks, better company...we just have more fun all around!

Seriously, congratulations on making it through this transitionary period. There is something about spending time around a bunch of people who have wrestled with their inner demons and won, who understand and accept themselves enough to be out and comfortable. In a way, I feel bad for straight people, that they never really get this chance to understand and appreciate themselves the way queer people do.

 

Really great to read about greatwhale's new phase and revelations. I am on a similar but different journey (at nearly 50 and only truly out to everyone in the last 2 years). Some areas way behind you (no gay relationships or sexual encounters yet), but in others right there alongside - feeling immense 'lightness of being' as I keep realising that I have at last freed myself from years of shame and unworthiness. Keep remembering that I don't have to hide anymore - don't have to worry what people would think if they knew the real me - because now increasingly they do!
It is odd however that once we have slayed such a huge demon - there can still be moments of 'grieving' that old self - because for all its sham and collusion and avoidance it was the game I played and the dance I danced for decades - it was in a sense who I was. Trying on a new, but truer skin is weird still for me - but also in flashes of pure enlightenment also immensely powerful.
I only occasionally dip into 'empty closets', but every time i do it doesn't take long to find stories of courage and realisation and empowerment from my LGBT brothers and sisters that makes my heart sing! Thanks to Greatwhale and all of you - wherever you are on your journeys - as the campaign slogan goes "it DOES only get better"!

 

GW, know exactly what you are feeling. I too came out after a long straight relationship, marriage, etc. By first BF, who helped me come out was however a very conservative guy. As I became more comfortable accepting being gay, I guess I became too "gay" for him. How this was possible as he was always out I am not sure. At any rate about three months ago I meet a guy that you would say was "stereotypical" gay. Effeminate, kind of swooshy,cultured, good looking, while not flamboyant certain out there. At another time in my life I would never have even spoken to the guy. Strangely I was very attracted to him. He was funny, kind, humorous, very sexy in his own way much different the the masculine gay guys I had known. Through him I met other similar type guys and started hanging out with them. I found myself enjoying their company, appreciating their softer side and starting to identify with them. They are open about who they are, what they like and don't care what others think. Slowly I find myself adopting many of their traits. My appearance, clothing, style, manner of speaking has changed as I find myself more and more effeminate and liking the new me. I started dating a new BF and for first time kissed him in public and held hands, it was a rush! All this seems strange yet somehow right. I am more and more comfortable with being gay, out, proud, and want everyone to make no mistake about what and who I am. I love the new gentler, effeminate me. Hope you experience the same happiness.

 

I read your entire post. The Village part made me chuckle because, well, THAT Village does. It's comfortable in its own skin, while the Castro and the few others I've seen seem a little forced. My 2 cents.

A couple of things: 1) focus on making quality friends and connections, and avoid the flaky ones, who could very well look like they've got it all together, but don't, and 2) change, but don't change, meaning there's an inner core of qualities and experiences that makes you who you are, so keep that intact as you travel new paths, but I'm sure you already know that

---------- Post added 20th Aug 2013 at 07:08 PM ----------

One could even study there over food, desserts and/or coffee, but that would take some serious discipline. I couldn't do it, because I would be people watching. I recommend the college library. However, if the college library is closed, there's the Village if cramming at some crazy hours.