1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Holy duck, I did it...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by drs, Aug 13, 2013.

  1. drs

    drs
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hawaii
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm still in shock right now. I'll post the whens and hows later. But I had to say I couldn't have done it without the help and support of everyone on EC.

    I CAME OUT TO MY WIFE!
    :eek:
     
  2. Munyal

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2013
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    Good on you!

    How did she react?
     
  3. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to the other side. Life kck ass over here. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. Patrick1982

    Patrick1982 Guest

    Congrats, drs!! Don't keep us in suspense; what happened?
     
  5. whyme10

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford U S A
    I am so happy for you I know it was a great relief for me also when I told my wife. She accepts me as I am but I have met a wonderful man and I hope it works out for me to live with him. I am working very hard towards that goal. We are getting along so well and are so compatible. Again congragulations(!)
     
  6. Ticklish Fish

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2012
    Messages:
    3,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Internet; H-town
    Congrats! I'll look for the detailed thread?
     
  7. BooksJeansTea

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2013
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    CONGRATS!!! What happened??!!
     
  8. SimpleMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    414
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congrats drs! (!) I am sure you have a lot of things to still talk through with your wife. We'll be here to listen if/when you are ready to share more.
     
  9. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations! And all holy ducks salute you! :grin:

    (can't wait to hear more)!
     
  10. Fairylink

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2013
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, FL
    Congratulations! :slight_smile:
     
  11. Congratulations!
     
  12. PeteNJ

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NJ
    Applaud your courage and standing up for yourself! Keep the momentum going.
     
  13. drs

    drs
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hawaii
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    First of all, thank you all. I honestly would not have been able to do this without your stories and encouragement. That said, I will start out by saying that I went against one piece of your advice...

    I've been trying to do this for weeks. I finally made the decision that I absolutely had to tell her, but every time I tried, I just couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth. I decided that I would have to fall back on my letter. Looking back, I have never been good with communicating my feelings. I all but proposed to her via letter, and the times that she had confronted me in the past were via letter and e-mail.

    I actually decided to e-mail it to her. Even at that, I've had the "draft" saved for over a week. I don't know what clicked, but I decided that today had to be it. So, after I dropped our son off at work, I stopped in a parking lot and found the courage to hit SEND. Then I texted her to make sure that she saw the e-mail. I was literally having a bit of a panic attack as I sat there waiting on her reply.

    When it finally came, I couldn't have been more surprised. As others have stated, of course she already knew. She felt relieved that it was out in the open. She said that she wasn't angry any longer, that she had gotten past most of the negative emotions already.

    I was still shaking so bad that I couldn't drive home; it took me about 30 minutes of chain smoking in my car to calm down enough to drive... Since I've been home, I've cried more than she has. She has been extremely supportive, and I think right now the thing I feel the worst about is that I was ever afraid that she'd be anything less.

    So, that's about it. We haven't had any "hard" discussions as to the future (short term or near term), but for the immediate term, things are good. I just don't know whether to celebrate or have a nervous breakdown! Lol...

    I hate these things, but I gotta do it!

    (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
     
  14. jupiter2

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2013
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Wow. Just want to add my congratulations, drs.
     
  15. DrWhoFan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2013
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Well done drs. I came out via email too, in the end. I just could never get the words out, however hard I tried. I'm glad she reacted as well as she did. The relief is unbelievable isn't it? However hard I've found things since, I was still glad I did it.
     
  16. jae

    jae
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2013
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Kudos to you, You did the right thing! I know it was hard and now you can exhale.
     
  17. drs

    drs
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hawaii
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    And today the tears start... I feel absolutely awful that I am the cause of so much pain. :tears:

    I knew that this would be coming. I knew that this wouldn't be easy. I just wish that I could make it all go away.

    :***::bang::***:
     
  18. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm happy that you're out. I'm sorry that you and she are hurting.

    But *both* of you, each in your own way, need to bear in mind: It gets better.

    *hugs*
     
  19. drs

    drs
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hawaii
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks. Unfortunately, as I am the source of her pain, any attempt I make right now to help console her is like throwing gas on a fire. I thought it was important for her to have someone she could talk to, so we agreed on a mutual friend that I wouldn't mind her telling. She just left to go talk to her; hopefully having someone to talk to will help. I have EC; what does she have?
     
  20. ormanout

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2013
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I am out to my wife as of March and we've had some really difficult conversations about our future. They make her very sad and teary, but the thing that I've had to learn is how to stand in the presence of pain....BUT not to try and fix it. As men, we get all sort of messages about needing to fix others. It also happens to some women, but it's very much present in men. We must learn that ALL people are completely intelligent, capable and resilient. When we try and "fix it" for them, we are assuming that they cannot help themselves and that is simply not true. So, if there's anything that I can share with you about the upcoming stage of coming out in a marriage, it's to learn how to stand in the presence of pain....but don't try to fix it. This is a time for you to focus on you and you alone. All others will heal given enough time. Congratulations on your journey! It's a HUGE step and everything you want for yourself lies ahead.