a question for Lesbians?

Hey thought I'd try and answer some for you, based on my experiences....

 

Hey there MerBear,

For context, I have identified as bisexual since I was 16...but I have been monogamous with my partner since I was 19. Here are my answers:

Sure. People figure out attraction at all kinds of ages. Myself, I did not find myself experiencing strong attractions to either sex until I was close to 16. There were people I liked...boys and girls whose company I enjoyed, and with whom I wanted to get close or share deeply. But I never really viewed these as attractions. But others experiencing the exact same thing might have labeled them attractions...or might have had parents call them crushes.

I have friends who claim they knew they were gay since 5-8. I can't imagine such a thing...but I also don't doubt them.

It had no bearing, really. When I started to label my attractions as attractions, I knew there was no artificial barrier on who I was attracted to. Certain people I just wanted to get closer to...and each (boy or girl) had their yummy features that I wanted to explore.

I guess you're really only interested in responses of lesbians to these two questions (unless by "when you were younger" you mean like 5 or 6, in which case the answer would be no). And like I said, I realized I was bisexual at 16.

Well, as a math person, the answer is yes, every finite list of numbers has an average. What I think you mean is whether there is a modal age...an age around which *most* people start questioning. And my answer to that is no, I don't think so. I've heard and seen a LOT of variation...from 8 to 12 to 16 to 21 to 27 to 32 to...to 64.

Hopefully some of this was helpful.

 

Interesting questions.

I have heard that it is possible for people to know they are gay in early childhood but this was not the case for me. Honestly, I just wanted to play when I was little and had no clue. I had a therapist in high school who told me I couldn't be bisexual because I didn't know when I was little. I was in middle school when I realized, around 11 or 12. I came out as bisexual in high school because I wanted to be straight and thought that was the closest I would come. I was never really attracted to boys though. I was never boy crazy but dated boys because I was trying to be straight. I am currently married and it has definitely made figuring out my sexuality harder! But that is due to denial more than anything else. I have always been attracted to women and I don't even notice guys. I liked all the guys I dated, and the one I'm married to. But it is more on a friendship level. I'm full of regrets...

Don't let anyone tell you what you are. I don't think it matters that you were "boy crazy" when you were younger. From what I've read sexuality can be fluid. It can shift over time and that is okay.

 

I did a lot of soul searching during my questioning phase, so don't feel like our experiences have to be similar. Everyone is different and we all go through different events in our life that can cause us to sway from our natural attractions. I wasn't bullied, but I really thought there was something wrong with me. And it took me years to finally realize I had no control over my attractions. It seemed like I had a lot of repressed feelings and memories about girls; especially dreams about women. However, once I allowed myself to explore those feelings, it was only then that I was like, "Oh, wait, a minute...that actually makes sense now."

I'm curious, what was the name of that documentary?

 

1) Is it possible to know you like the same sex at a young age or have a 'crush' or be attracted to the same sex at young?
I certainly did. I remember having a huge crush on all my older sister's friends even as a four year old.


2) if you had past relationships with guys, did it make figuring your sexuality out harder or easier?
I never really had a relationship with a guy.


3) Did you ever 'like' guys when you were younger?
Kind of. I say kind of, because I wasn't really attracted to him, I was just repressing my sexuality, so I went for one of my friends because everyone else in my friend group thought he was attractive, and he was rather pretty. Not only that, but I had a giant rivalry going with one of my friends, and I wanted to date him first so that I could feel superior . I was only eleven at the time, so it was kind of dumb.


4) When did you realize you were lesbian?
I knew something was up when I was 10, began considering when I was 13, and fully accepted myself at 14.

5) would you say there is an average age when a person starts questioning?
For girls, I think it tends to come a lot later than boys because of how much emphasis finding a man and getting married is drilled into girl's heads at early ages. I think once girls get out of the age where dating is everything, they can actually focus on the real parts of themselves rather than just trying to fit in.

 

1) Is it possible to know you like the same sex at a young age or have a 'crush' or be attracted to the same sex at young?

the first part I'd say no if you're defining 'young' as 5, because you just don't have access to that kind of language. the second part i'd say yes, i do remember having major crushes (i don't remember at 5, but i do at 9-10) - they were more attachment/love than sexual obviously

2) if you had past relationships with guys, did it make figuring your sexuality out harder or easier?

both - having boyfriends made me think i was just like other girls, even though at the same time i was in 'love' with my girl friends (it was always this friendly love, so no conflict of interest ). but ultimately later on actually trying to have sex with a couple of guys (randomly) was what helped me see the difference. even when i liked the guy (as friends), he was cute, interested in me, very into the sex - and i'm still feeling fond of him like a sister-friend? yeah

3) Did you ever 'like' guys when you were younger?

yes, I definitely remember at least three crushes when I was around 14, and two of them were definitely 'sexual' (it was also that since it was okay to think about a guy sexually - we were supposed to if we 'liked' them, so i'd attribute it to that - i didn't let myself think about girls I knew in real life sexually until I was 18 - i just thought it was attachment/love/friendship and i would have these disturbing dreams).

4) When did you realize you were lesbian?

I started wondering about it since 14/15 or so, but I only came out properly when I was 19 and made my first gay (male) friend

5) would you say there is an average age when a person starts questioning?
(this question applies to anyone)

I'd say 14/15 for many because that's when there's more pressure to figure out /choose. I remember this happening at 11 in school and I couldn't understand why I couldn't 'pick' a guy I liked but it was just a problem of 'what do I tell the other girls?' - they all accused me of holding out on them and not sharing. It was only at 14/15 that I started questioning because that's when I had those disturbing and taboo sexual thoughts about girls

 

1) Is it possible to know you like the same sex at a young age or have a 'crush' or be attracted to the same sex at young?

Well, yes and no. I think that the emotional attraction can be there at a young age, but the sexual attraction comes later. For me at least, I've always felt a deeper emotional connection to girls, and then when puberty hit, sexual attraction was added onto that.

2) if you had past relationships with guys, did it make figuring your sexuality out harder or easier?

I never had a relationship with a guy. Even when I was in denial about being gay, I always knew that I didn't like guys that way.

3) Did you ever 'like' guys when you were younger?

No, I never even considered that I might be straight. The question of my sexuality was never "Am I gay or straight?" It was "Am I gay or asexual?"

4) When did you realize you were lesbian?

I finally acknowledged it about a year ago, but part of me knew since puberty. I was just so deep in denial that I was able to convince myself that I wasn't gay for a long time.

5) would you say there is an average age when a person starts questioning?

I have idea what the average age is. Somewhere in the teen years, but it is going to be different for everyone. Also, I didn't really have much of a questioning stage. Whenever I would start to question, my mind would shut those questions down and go into denial mode.

 

1) I knew when I was 12, my first gf was at age 12.

2) Sooo much harder, I thought I was bisexual and dated 26 guys before I knew I wasn't in to them and wanted to marry a girl.

3)I think so

4) I realized in June 2013, I was convinced I was bi. So in my sophmore year of high school.

5) 13

 

Ooh! Ooh! I wanna take the quiz too!

Man, when I was 5, the only think I was concerned about was Nintendo, Pound Puppies and Care Bears

I never had relationships with guys, only one-way crushes. So in that sense, it kinda made it easier

I thought they (mostly actors, rock stars etc) were attractive, but didn't really have that many crushes on dudes IRL. If I did, they didn't last long - I got bored

A few months ago

I've found that most people start in their teens, but again for me, my teen years were a tad-sheltered - and I couldn't be assed about sex and all that

 

I'm again going through the questioning process, but I figured I'd answer anyway.

It depends I guess. My family jokes with me about these two boys I apparently had crushes on in grammar school (like, Pre-K and 2nd grade). But I think they're stupid. :T I remember in junior high (7th-8th grade) having crushes on two of my girl friends. People who say they have identified their crushes at a really young age impress me. They must have elephant brains.

To be honest, I've never dated a guy. I enjoyed the relationships I've had with girls thus far, but my questioning is making me doubt a lot of it and has given me a lot of anxiety about it. I dunno, dating guys just seems like... "eh". Going out with girls feels more natural in my mind, it makes sense.

I was never really "boy crazy", and I can't think of a specific guy I liked in grammar school. When all my female classmates were talking about boys, I never really understood it. I didn't get what the big deal is. I still don't. I moreso admire guys and find certain features on guys really freaking cool. Like, if I was a guy, I'd want those particular features.

Well, I thought I was. I came out as bisexual around the age of 12, the lesbian label just kind of came after that (namely because I never really thought of guys in a romantic/sexual way). But now I have no idea.

I'd say pre-teen (11-12) or early teenage years (13-14). I personally started wondering at the age of about 11 and just rolled with it. Now I'm actually questioning it.

 

Interesting thread.

I htink kids definitely have concepts of love and crushes from a very young age, particularly with the sexualisation of youth we're seeing these days. Are they just mimicking what they read in fairytales or do they really know what they desire, I don't know. I do remember my own experiences though, make of them what you will.

At age 6 I had a mad crush on a boy at school but he was "going out" with another girl. I asked why and he said she let him touch her her tummy, so I one-upped her and let him touch my... um, you know. Not remotely sexual, but I was already thinking about it.

Once I actually starting getting hormonal though, things changed. I was much more attracted to girls. I recall making my 2 barbie dolls get married and *ahem* have a honeymoon when I was about 9 or 10.

Did I know I was gay/bi? Well, no. I've been battling that in my mind for the last 20 odd years. But did I know I was sexually attracted to women? Oh yes, that I've known for a long time.