My girlfriend and I have been dating for more than a year now but it seems like she never really wants sex. I am more dominant in the relationship but it's hard knowing if she really likes our sex times or not -- she's rather shy and not very vocal about this subject. I am usually the one to initiate it, talk about it, and spend more time on top. Sadly we both have never been able to orgasm while in each other's hands (let alone by anyone else;;; both of us are our first). Because of that I have constantly been studying -- trying to apply new techniques, alternating places to start, rhythm, timing and etc, but it never seems to work out. I've repeatedly asked her to be a bit more vocal to what she likes and doesn't like, but all I receive from her is that everything feels good.. (We did manage to orgasm by masturbating though. She was actually only able to orgasm once which was when I was half asleep.) Our usual session is at least four hours and by the end if it I feel dead tired, unaccomplished, and frustrated at myself for being unable to fully please her. I had talked to her about this matter before and asked if she just doesn't enjoy doing it. She replied that she just feels guilty that I'm doing all the work and that she herself feels guilty that she's not good at it compared to me, which I replied that I do like her when she touches me and if she feels guilty then I would love it if she put more time being active to make our love making more successful. Still I am worried that what she had said was to just tell me off lightly that she doesn't enjoy having sex with me and I'm starting to feel very insecure about it... And with each time we do it I feel like I'm just pressuring her. She doesn't seem enthusiastic and it feels like she's just allowing me to so I won't feel hurt. She has never initiated it before. Do you think she is just less interested in sex in general or is it my lack of technique? Any suggestions to make our sex life more active? Actually...just overall what should I doo... T____T
I suppose you are your girlfriend's first sexual partner? If yes, this means she is still stressed, she is still trying to explore her sexuality, trying to decide if she likes same-sex sexual intercourse. Don't pressure her, try to let her make the first move, maybe getting a little tipsy to relax first would do. If not, if she's had other partners that satisfied her more than you do, it means that you are either going too fast for her or doing something she doesn't like. Try harder to talk with her about this.
Has she had sex with anybody else before you? It seems to me like she was just scared to do something, because she's afraid you are not gonna like it. Maybe it's a problem of her self confidence? One of my friends actually had a problem like this, it was not that she was not enjoying sex, but she was just afraid that she's gonna do something wrong and that her boyfriend won't like it, so she started avoiding sex and it became a one serious problem. Also I think she enjoys having sex with you, after all she told you herself. My suggestion is to try to talk to her about your concerns and try to make her talk about it too, if you both want to enjoy sex, you have to communicate, don't be afraid to talk about it more because otherwise you may not find out how to make this work. Well, I hope I helped at least a little, don't know whether I'm wrong or right, this is just my point of view, I genuinely hope it helps
Simple solution: don't make orgasm the goal of sex with her. It might sound strange but just like when we spend time with a friend it isn't about any 'one' thing - even a nice thing - it can be about just sharing time, space, etc, similarly having sex does not have to be about the orgasm. Unfortunately most tv/literature etc portray sex as being about the orgasm, which is not the case in reality. It's great if you have an orgasm but if you didn't, it doesn't make the time you spent with her less intense or meaningful. We can go on measuring otherwise - was it a great orgasm? Better than that other time? etc. The point is to never have these kinds of expectations. I know what you're saying and I totally understand that it's frustrating - it's not looking and feeling right to you. But everyone's needs are different and it's possible that she's actually less dissatisfied than you are about how this is working out - that it's not she who doesn't like sex with you, but maybe you who isn't happy with things. Neither of you should feel guilty about this stuff - if you want her to do stuff to you, or if she's feeling guilty that she's not doing what you'd like, you need to tell her exactly what to do, what you'd like her to do. It sounds a bit like you're both feeling a bit on the spot (the fact that she could orgasm when you were half asleep is suggestive). Another thing that can be a huge killer is focusing too much on sex (paradoxical as that sounds) because you're both so primed about it going right that you can't relax and just let it happen. Do other things with her, romantic/intimate/exciting things like some adventure sport, or just something you both enjoy. Don't even think about sex - if you guys end up making out that's fine, but don't have ANY expectations about where it 'should' go.
