Why come out?

I'm personally grappling with the same problem. On one hand I only need to come out when I get a boyfriend. But on the over hand it will be less of a shock if I start with "I'm gay" instead of "I'm gay and I've got a boyfriend".

 

The way I see it is, true if you're not with anybody then there's no reason to come out... But there might come a point where you're like me and just want everyone to know, already. But yeah, I'm nowhere close to the point where I absolutely have to come out, because I'm in a relationship.

 

I grapple with this as well.. I believe it is heathy and honest to be open with the world with who you are. All animals show through colors and plumage their genders and interests

The first day you wake up and everybody knows is the first day you can move on

 

The concept of 'love' and 'romance' takes up 90% of my thinking and language, of what I really want to be or feel. But not coming out means I can't act my way around someone I really love. It makes me feel trapped and bottled up. Not a good thing. When I came out to my friends, our relationship came out stronger, and by being the first in the group to come out I've helped a lesbian and a bisexual (unfortunately girls for me) come out.

Mind you there are other things that hold us back from what we truly are, things force grey colours on us, but sexuality is a big part of it, at least in this age and where I live.

 

Coming out is different for everyone. Some people feel the urgent need to (like I did), some people don't feel it's necessary to make a big deal out of it at all. People's personal situations play a big role in the importance of coming out (or lack thereof).

I guess what I'd propose is that it's a lot easier to find a girlfriend if people know you're into girls.

 

Yea, things tended to get easier for me once I started coming out. It's all about picking the right people that you know will support you though. I'm glad to say that I'm doing exceptionally well since I came out. Hell I even have a boyfriend now.

 

The reason for coming out? There actually is a practical answer for this:

Simply put, nobody knows you're gay until you come out. Much like nobody knows what you're working on until you tell them. In lots of families, the parents assume the kid is straight. The parents won't stop until the kid tells them that he/she is gay.

Same with being transgender, really.

 

So in other words, basically, if you come out to people. Your market opens up wider and you have a much higher likelihood of landing a boyfriend/girlfriend that you can show to your parents if you fancy.

 

In my case, it's impossible to do anything without coming out. I want to transition to male, can't exactly just pop around at dinner with a deep voice and moustache one day after hormones.

But anyway, as far as being gay goes, there's a practical reason as others have mentioned. Opening your dating circle, opening yourself up to other people. Need not tell everyone and their grandmother but when you're able to be frank about your sexuality, tends to make life easier.

 

My best friend asked me when I came out if I had a boyfriend yet. When I said no, he said that if he was gay he didn't think he would feel able to come out if he didn't have a partner. I don't really know whether that was a criticism of me or a compliment on my courage.

Either way, that's not what coming out was about for me. I had to constantly bite my tongue before. Friends would always talk about how hot that girl is, or what it would be like when I got a girlfriend; I wouldn't be able to comment on hot actors, and I would have to change the subject whenever somebody asked who I had a crush on...

Being out for me is just about being myself. Only a handful of people know, but all of the important people (excluding family) are a part of those handful. I haven't decided yet whether I want to formally come out to everybody else or just let it happen organically, but just being out to my closest friends has liberated me so much.

 

I didn't like living a lie anymore & people who are important to me, deserved better

 

I guess I feel if you can, just get it over with and come out. It lets you move on and worry about the important stuff

 

I come out because there are times when I break someone's heart by accident because I'm not out to her. I come out so that doesn't have to happen anymore.

I came out because I didn't want to live a lie.

 

I first came out to my dad because I just couldn't 'hold the secret' anymore. It was too much pressure for me. But after I came out to all the important people in my life (only my family, that is), I just don't feel the need to come out anymore. Till this day, only my family (and maybe one of my friends who I have hinted my sexuality a lot to) know that I'm gay. But at this point in my life, I just don't feel the need to come out anymore. I can actually imagine living my whole life not telling anybody else (I will not go as far as getting into a relationship with a girl or anything, but if someone asks me if i'm gay i will just say no). Different people will deal with this in different ways. In my opinion, if you feel like you want to come out to everybody, that doing so will liberate you, then do it (as long as you are sure that your parents will still support you financially if you are not financially independent, or if you are sure that it will not put your life in danger). It will be good for your mental health.
But what I have decided for myself is that I don't want anyone else to know anymore (my current friends, future friends, future colleagues, outside people etc..) This is because I believe that my sexuality might have an uninviting impact on my career, and also because i just don't see the point to it.

And trust me your question is not stupid at all. In fact I think it's a very good question for all LGBTQ people to ask themselves.

 

I started coming out because I knew it was the only way I could move forward with my life. My parents are still very involved in my daily life since they call all the time. The only way I could have had a boyfriend without coming out to them would be to lie, and that just isn't something I'm willing to do. Plus, lying would be implying that there is something to be ashamed of or to hide, which would also be quite incorrect. So at least in my case it was a natural step that had to be taken.

 

there's no rules in coming out you come out when you choose to . I came out to Mum&Dad because I felt I had no other choice & its best coming from me .

 

The only coming out I need to think about when I get into a relationship is if I feel the need to disclose my gender identity. Other than that, whatever.