Okay, so I know that she's my ex for a reason and I wish for her to remain my ex as I am currently in a far better, amazing relationship now but I need to voice my concerns and maybe you guys can help me out. Background information: I met L* while I was in university. We became instant friends and there was an obvious connection between each other right away. I was still very much trying to find myself and I think she was very much trying to do the same thing. Anyways, long story short, things became physical and we were secretly fooling around. I always tried to address what was happening and to define what exactly we were but she was never willing to address it. It should have been a red flag but I was stupid and thinking I was in love with this person. She was very much all for living in the moment and just going with it, so I did. When I look back on it, we were very much in a relationship with each other, just neither of us were willing to admit that. This went on for about 2 and a half years until my heart was stomped on by her while on vacation together. We were with a bunch of our friends on holiday together. I should have known that something was going to happen because we had had a huge fight the night before because she was jealous over the new friends I had made in school. We ended up going on vacation together anyways... looking back, I wish I had just left her at home. She ended up hooking up with my brother's best friend B* multiple times over the weekend. It was like she was flaunting it in my face and all I could do was put on my best brave face and pretend to be happy for her. At this point, nobody in my life knew about our secret relationship and I truly hit rock bottom that weekend. I'm still a bit messed up over it to this day. I stopped sleeping with her after that weekend, for the most part. I had a really hard time trying to be friends with her over the next year, and finally I just couldn't do it anymore because she was now dating the guy she cheated on me with and lying about it. Enough was enough and she's been out of my life since. Today I opened up facebook and found that B* is now engaged to L*. I feel incredibly guilty about this because B* still has no idea! He's also still at my house from time to time hanging out with my brother. I know that I should probably just let it go, but B* is a religious guy and I'm pretty sure he'd freak if he knew the truth. Should I just let the past be the past or do I actually have some kind of moral obligation to tell him? Thanks guys, the Frizz
Oy! that's a tough one. It all hinges on her orientation doesn't it? If she's bisexual, then the marriage may have a better chance of working. The past truly is the past. If you tell him, even though you would only be the messenger, I can assure that all hell will inevitably break loose and upon your head. Compared to that, the wrath of God will appear like that of a scolding babysitter... Some things are best left alone, unfortunately...
At base - and this may sound really strange, but it has to be said - this isn't your business. So I think you would need a really, really fantastically good reason to inject yourself into it, and I mean something beyond "she never told him about this and he wouldn't be happy if he knew." For example, if you knew she was intentionally manipulating him, or that she was continuing to see other women behind his back, or something like that. It sounds like it was a far-from-ideal beginning to their relationship, but who knows - could she have come to genuinely care for him in the meantime, even if she is closeted? Is it completely impossible that she told him about this and they've worked through it, however bizarre that may sound? Could you be outing her and causing her (and B, and others) a tremendous amount of emotional pain?
Thanks Gravity. I did a lot of thinking and decided to just leave it. If she wanted him to know, she would tell him, one would hope. I'm not going to open a can of worms because it's not my place to out her if she doesn't want to be out. All I can do is live my life and be proud of the person that I am.
