Obsession with having 'a gay best friend'

I remember when I came out, there was this one girl whose first response was "wanna go shopping?" I didn't even know her that well.

 

I guess girls see guys that are gay as an accessory to them. Sort of as a person that they can 100% relate to (or so they think). It confuses me also, I just don't see the importance of the need to have a best friend that is gay. A person is a person no matter the color of their skin, sexual orientation, eye color or what have you.

In case anyone is wondering why I said "guys that are gay" and "best friend that is gay" as opposed to "gay guy" and gay best friend" is because I do see the person for who they are and I don't like to assign labels to people rather I like adjectives to describe people if that makes sense. In simpler terms, I prefer to use Person First Language (PFL)

 

I don't go shopping cuz I'm a horrendous dresser and a good thing they never ask. I'm only good at dressing formally.

My curse is helping people with their English homework and writing essays. Apparently since I'm gay I'm suddenly a poet a person who can analyse world events in 5 minutes. NO I'M NOT, I JUST LIKE BOYS AND DONG.

 

I apparently give great dating advice..But I'm still forever alone.

 

Yeah there's something nowadays that there's always a single person who everyone goes to for relationship advice. I feel your pain, but it's nice at times to know that you're a person who's always there for other people.

 

With some people it's just because they like to be seen to have an inclusive group of friends, and having a few token minorities in there allows them to achieve that. It doesn't really bother me if it's somebody that I was always friends with - my female best friend who I came out to first and I always joke that we can now be like Will & Grace - but I definitely wouldn't be too impressed if somebody wanted to be friends with me purely based on my sexuality. They'd be disappointed if they thought they were going to get fashion advice and a shopping companion anyway.

This said, I've decided since coming out that I don't know enough LGBTQ people and now I want a gay best friend as well. Is it different coming from somebody gay or just as bad?

 

I happen to be one of those people. And I also happen to be VERY good at it. BUT i guess this proves the point, you can't have it all.

I don't get offended by the gay stereotypes. Because a lot of them do apply to me and I don't see why I should be insulted if it's a matter-a-fact.

But the point still remains that there are gays out there that are very masculine. Some are quirky, even and still dress tasteless and some who the only English they speak is "American". So....yea!

 

Sadly, I fall inside this domain 90-95% of the time.

 

I guess you could say someone I talked to was like that. She seemed to get actually obsessive about my sexuality and would bring it up all the time when it wasnt relevant at all. what an annoying person

I'd personally love to have a gay best friend for the sake of having someone close I relate with in that sense but I wouldn't stereotype them and ask for fashion advice or something o_o

 

I see it as a form of subtle discrimination - reducing a group of people to one "use", a caricature. Similar to how many straight men see women as nothing more than a slab of meat, and sure, there are some who don't mind, even play into the image and lap up the attention, which is fine, but for the rest of us?

There was a "friend", who immediately started mentioning dancing, shopping, gossiping, after I came out to her, making me feel very uncomfortable. You'd think being Hispanic, she'd know better... would someone make friends with a racial minority and start mentioning stereotypes left and right? No, that would be offensive and the friendship probably wouldn't get very far.

Luckily, with progress being made and visibility increasing, more people are starting to see gay people as just... people. Your neighbor, your children, your boss, etc. It seems the whole "fag hag" and "gay best friend" might soon become things of the past, at a time when gay culture was a lot more exclusive, with representatives few and far between. I hope, it becomes less a defining feature than say, hair color or music preference.

How about just "best friend"? I'm still me, to my friends and family, so why should it be any different for strangers?

 

That makes two of us...

 

Ditto. I also apparently give good advice for dating guys.

 

I haven't experienced this at all. That's very odd and also sounds rather irritating. You haven't changed, you've just told them the truth.

It's like if my hair was naturally blond and I had dyed it brunette for years and then told my friends "guys I'm really blonde" and then they suddenly changed how they feel about me
Okay maybe it's not entirely like that but hey, I'm tired!

 

Make it 3 now, And i Hate Fashion/Shopping so i don't think it would work out...

 

I don't mind the straight girls wanting gay best friends thing all too much ("fag hags" and all that) as long as it doesn't descend into objectifying and dehumanizing gay men into like fashion accessories (which I've seen happen). But then again I love fashion and shopping and all that jazz....

It seems less common for straight guys to like to have lesbian best friends, though I've seen this too.

It makes sense on a psychological level based on the fact that gay men's brains are more like straight women's brains (and lesbian women's brains more like straight men's), which is why they are more compatible in terms of friendships.

Of course not all gay people fit the stereotypes in terms of interests that 'fag hags' expect from a gay BFF.

 

The problem is there are certain behaviors expected of gay men in the first place, and when called out, devolve into fits of Oppression Olympics, with both sides defending the actions. While I find the whole "disappointing gay best friend" series amusing, the fact is that they're playing on the reality that there are some people genuinely "disappointed" when a gay man doesn't play into their perceptions of what a gay man "should be".

What gets me is that a lot of these women complain of being objectified by straight men, then turn around and do the same to gay men. Though, even before questioning, I had a few lesbian friendships, and learned a lot of male privilege, and just how much crap they've had to go through, as women and sexual minorities.

As for gay male = female brain, gay female = male brain, I won't even entertain those outdated, silly ideas...

 

So you won't even entertain "outdated, silly" ideas like 21st century science? :rolleyes:

Gay Men, Straight Women Have Similar Brains


Activity within the brain's amygdala—an almond-shaped structure inside each brain hemisphere that is associated with processing and storing emotions—were compared between homosexuals and heterosexuals of both genders (above).

The results showed that the brains of straight men and lesbians as well as straight women and gay men share similar characteristics.

 

I have a lesbian best friend and she is the sweetest person ever.

 

Rakkaus, that actually explains some of the stereotypes about gay guys being more feminine and creative too. Are there any other studies that show the same thing?