Homophobic Friend

A lot of people will probably disagree but I think it's good to stay away and avoid him like you've been doing. He's not going to accept to you if you came out to him and if you were to ever become good friends with him you'd have to hide a very important portion of your life from him.

If he won't be friends with you if you're gay, he's not a real friend.

 

I think you could either continue to be distant, or try to talk to him about it. Because you're this uncomfortable (and rightfully so) there's no reason to try and hang out with him anyway just because you used to be friends. Friendships are meant to grow and change and even fade, and sometimes in cases like this they can end more or less abruptly. If someone is unwilling to accept you for who you are then truth is they are not your friend.

If you choose to talk to him, you could say something along the lines of "That thing you said a long time ago has really been bothering me- can I ask why you feel that way?" You could even explain why it hurts you so much but that's only if you feel comfortable enough, which would be hard solely because of his strong feelings toward the subject.

If it were me, I would come out to him and then be done with him, but I'm kind of confrontational that way and it's not a good route for everyone.

 

My friend is exactly like that. I have heard many homophobic comments from her and she calls homosexuals "sick in the head". I do tell her to knock it off sometimes which probably makes her have her suspicions about me. However, I try to be the best person possible around her hoping that she reevaluates her hatred to us when I finally come out.

I wouldn't avoid him, just be who you are around him. If he likes you for you are then great, if not then just avoid him.

Hope this helped.

 

If he continually talks bad things about gay people then you should end the friendship.

If it's a one off thing then I don't think you should sweat about it. His comments are probably as a result of ignorance.

 

I have been around people who have been very homophobic and if you haven't told them and find that they are this way then it makes it so hard to tell people and be yourself.
Ignorance plays a big part in this and all that they can see is that Gay people carry aids everywhere they go and that they are such a lower class than anyone else- WRONG !
If they are like this with you and you feel that they are not accepting, then I would question if they really are the friends you originally thought.

 

I'm in two minds about this. I think it has to be your judgement call at the end of the day, and I can totally understand why you may want to end the friendship completely. It's a fair call if you do.

To be honest, though, I think a lot of homophobia is just complete ignorance. If he is really fond of you as a friend, telling him you're gay will probably come as a real initial shock but may (and I stress may) make him re-evaluate his whole opinion on the topic. I think when people with half a brain actually know someone they like and find out they're gay, it's a real education for them. I can remember some people I knew saying things that really hurt me before I told them, and now they are totally supportive of gays simply because they know me.

For me, you don't have much to lose by telling him (unless you're still wanting to keep it private and you think he may tell others). If you really want to preserve the relationship, it may be worth it. If he reacts badly, then he's not a real friend anyway, is he? Friends stick by you, that's the whole point.

I guess it's up to you - please don't feel bad whatever the outcome though, none of this is your fault. You can't control what others think!

 

What I've seen is this: those who think it's a "choice" are more likely to be homophobic than those who think it's basic nature and/or nurture. You will not convince group 1, and the friendship might end, but group 2 is generally more enlightened, though they still can be homophobic/biphobic. Here's what a lot of people seemingly have done. The friendships with group 1 (religious and it's a "choice" crowd) generally sputter and get replace with friendships with people from group 2. It kind of makes sense. In some cases, it's time to move on.

 

the same exact thing happend to me. it sucks really bad, but you just have to get over it. make some REAL friends who won't hate you for such a stupid reason. people like that are usually not that fun to be around anyway.

i just have to ask, is he exceptionally stupid? i'm just wondering, because i've noticed most homophobes aren't very smart