What Are You Thinking?

I leave work in 20 minutes and I am dreading how bad traffic is going to be. Oh and I have to pee. :/

 

So proud that my youngest sister who is 11 knows about the band Queen. <3

 

Lawl. I went to college yesterday, and realised I had condoms in my pocket that I obtained from a sexual health talk at my trans group last night. *sigh*.

 

Hey, it's college. Got to be prepared.

 

I am so glad you feel better now. Hopefully you won't need a hospital for awhile. <3

 

I miss so many of my old friends who are now gone off this site. One of them is a boy from Ireland who's still not back after a month.

 

I'm hiding from my friends in a disgusting pub bathroom, and I have to be honest that I'm genuinely considering just trying to slip out and go home without having to make a ridiculous excuse to them. Not that they'd even notice I'd gone if I didn't say goodbye. I think I might do it, if I can get out without anybody seeing.

Only thing is... I'm in a worse mood tonight than I've been for a while and I'm really scared that when I go home I might slip back into some bad habits...

 

Well I was found out. Stupid and left computer tracks. They kicked me out and told me I couldn't be part of their lives. Then They tracked me down and told me they had been praying for me. God had told them that I'm crazy and need serious help. If I didn't come back home they would recommend that my son be placed with his father and completely disassociate from me. They had me by the balls basically and I'm finishing my associates in December so I will be able to get a better job then. Until then I will go to the counseling quietly and pretend to be straight and converted while i prepare myself to get out on my own. Kind of in shock. I didn't think this is what would happen and had no idea I could be such a coward.

 

That's awful they couldn't really do that could they? Xxx

---------- Post added 26th Sep 2013 at 08:15 PM ----------

Tonight, I feel content with being gay

 

I've been hiding here for like ten minutes. Pathetic. I'm still trying to decide whether or not to go home without telling them. Only thing is that I'm a bit concerned about how the conversation would go when I see them later on. Although from the fact that nobody's texted yet to ask where I am, I think it's pretty obvious that they don't really care.

Okay. I'm gonna do it.

---------- Post added 26th Sep 2013 at 08:15 PM ----------

(*hug*)

---------- Post added 26th Sep 2013 at 08:35 PM ----------

I cannot believe I just did that. How petty, immature and downright pathetic. I don't even recognise the person I've become.

 

I'm sorry to hear that Link. Stay strong, we're here for you if you need us.

 

So tired of seeing people on tumblr saying they think trans*men are so hot. I get finding someone attractive, but if its soley just because they're trans, then get the hell out of my face. I'm tired of being a fetish for people. -_-

 

I just relapsed and self harmed. There are so many amazing people on this site who've been an endless source of support for me, directly and indirectly, and I now feel as though I've let all of them down. .

 

(hugs)

 

Its ok i hate that you did it but i know you can stop you are an amazing person and i don't want you to ever forget that no amount of scars is going to change that so please don't do it again talk to someone, sing ,take a walk ,run until your chest feels like its going to explode just don't hurt yourself

 

(*hug*)

Really wish I knew what to say but I'm not much better and whatever I say, feel like I'd be a hypocrite. So this'll have to suffice (*hug*) (*hug*)

I find lately when the urges return, helps to hold ice against my arm or do something to mentally distance myself from the trigger (for instance, going out if it's shit family says or finding a way to masculinize my presentation if it's dysphoria)

 

(*hug*)


I had to take my sister to work about a half hour ago, and on the way back, I saw a shirtless guy riding his bike down in my lane above me. I was talking/ranting to myself, and the conversation went like this, verbatim: "Oh my FUCKING GOD, why the HELL are you biking on the highway aren't you aware of DANGEROUS THIS IS oh my God you're probably some pre-pubescent little bo-*gets a better look* Oh, well, helLO THERE! AREN'T YOU JUST FUCKING HOT AS HELL?"

*car swerves*


:rolle: Bryan, Bryan, Bryan...

 

I hope not. Thank you for being there for me. <3

 

Right now I am thinking that I don't like the term genderqueer as a label for me but I can't think of anything better to discribe me. *pouts*
It's complicated afterall.

 

Have you ever seen or met someone that was just so adorable and cute that you just wanted to wrap them up tight in your arms and watch them fall asleep and feel/hear them breathe as they slumber peacefully in your loving arms...? (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿)

(No, I am not talking about shirtless biker in the above post.)