What Are You Thinking?

I foresee two possible outcomes: 1) my Tumblr will blow up with notes or 2) no one will care at all. What I want is a third option -- one or two people notice, and I will be able to discuss it with them and clarify my ideas. But that probably won't happen.

 

Unfortunately that "EW FUCK FEMS" mentality takes place in more gays than are willing to admit - it's rampant here on EC under a more 'appropriate' guise, which is a shame.

 

Fuck gender roles.

 

Well.. at least I'm not the only one. Thanks, Memphis. (*hug*)

I will try. (*hug*) Thank you

 

So after weeks of temptations and restraint, I gave in.

Fuck it.

I'm joining World of Warcraft again. May God have mercy on my soul.

 

I actually don't mind working on Saturdays....wtf is wrong with me lol

 

Dammit, homework, why do you not just get yourself done?

 

I...think I have a friend?

I ran into her as I was going to dinner and she was leaving. I mentioned something about going on a Tumblr rant, and she asked me what it was about. I gave her the basic premise but then said that she probably wasn't interested in the rest. (She's straight, and it was a very, very queer thing, in both the non-cishet and radical meanings of the term.) She told me to tell her anyways. We then had a short but good conversation about it. She even asked me to tell her about running into the girl at Pride! And we ended the meeting with saying that we need to hang out more often -- in the sincere way, not the small-talk way.

You know, I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, this year will actually be a good year.

 

Alright. So I'm shopping for clothes. Sneaking guy clothes into the femme shit. And buying femme shit, know I'll never wear it but it's a game of "What can I buy that old me would've worn?"

 

If they come home...and trash this place...again...I'm locking them inside and setting the place on fire. -_- Seriously am I their maid? Is that why they keep me around?

 

I wanna fall in love. I wanna feel that rush. Running in to my heart singing at my soul felling like ive never felt before !!!!
Ha ha I dont know why but I really do want to fall in love

 

No no no no no no no no, Bryan, stop crying. You were doing so good today, so stop crying. It hurts. You can't stop thinking about him now. You got a bigger paycheck today, so you'll get your laptopa whole week sooner than expected. After you get your laptop, you can buy yourself that cute pair of size 29 (size 29!) jeans you saw the other day. You beat Tekken Tag 2 on the hardest difficulty. That basically means that you're so good that you could compete in tournaments if you wanted! Your abs are starting to show through! Please, stop crying. Remember what you saw two days ago? All those "It Gets Better" videos? Remember how you really liked the Apple IGB video so much that you started crying because you felt hopeful and encouraged? Please, stop crying. Things will get better for me. I'll get married one day and have a cat or two (an orange tabby named Jasper and a shiny black cat named Homura!). I'll be in my 60's and hopefully, I'll be able to look my husband in the eye and say "Happy 30/40 years of happiness!" I'll get my dream job. I'll write tons of beautiful baroque music pieces. I'll play in a baroque orchestra eventually. I'll laugh and hang out with friends and go to the movies and go hiking and just do whatever. My future husband and I will spend every Christmas and Valentine's and birthday together. We'll have our little lovers' spats and we'll make up and make love. We'll have a nice little house or apartment to call our own. We'll share our meals together. Laugh, cry, go on vacations, lay in bed all day and marathon movies while eating ice cream. My dreams will come true one day. I'll have lots of bad days before things turn around...but it'll get better. It gets better, Bryan. You aren't alone.

 

I kind of had my first, second, and third kiss tonight. :icon_redf

 

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow.

 

Oh, oh! Some-one's been busy! How was it?

 

The anon let someone know thread is so sad

 

I'm thinking with portals.

I'm pretty happy. My sister and her friends are going bowling, and they invited me to come along. She has this cute friend that I've been trying to ask her to introduce me to; hopefully he'll be there.

 

What am I thinking? I don't know what to do with my life.

I can't go to school.
I can't get a job because nobody wants somebody with no experience and just a diploma. (Yes I've tried McDonalds, they never called back which is really...sad)
I can't join the military since my physical problems keep me from intense physical workouts.
I got no special skills that help me anywhere. Oh I'm good at video games! Wanna hire me now?
My savings are down to 100$, probably less by now.

My only option right now is to go work the fields and make, oh maybe 600$ in about 3 or 4 months time? These days, you have to know somebody to get a job, and I don't know anybody

Sorry. I just had to vent. Maybe an angel will come down from heaven and give me a job or money.

 

In less cheerful news, my roommate has stopped talking to me entirely and doesn't even respond when I say hi. >.> I'm sorry? What did I do? Oh well. She's religious enough that I don't really care for a friendship anyways.

 

Hell. Didn't think clothes shopping for shit I can actually wear would be so depressing. Just a big ass reminder of all the things I don't have and everything I'm stuck with.