What Are You Thinking?

Try being an MtF that's closeted. There is zero chance of passing even in private... It suuuuuuuucks...

There are so many little things for both sides though... I'll trade hands and lips with you. When I came out to my ex she said I had a good chance of passing except for my hands and lips... Oh man I'm ugly...

 

I was thinking about you this week, I'm glad it went well! I wish you a speedy and relatively pain-free recovery!

 

My sister just got engaged. o.o Woah.

 

i feel like im slowly disappearing... everyday it feels more and more like i belong nowhere and i feel myself becoming more and more untouchable... and i just keep doing these things and listening to these songs to try to bring myself back but really it all just makes me ache for everything i am not and can never be but should have been or could have been...

i hate being this way.. i hate being lost and having no idea where to turn..

 

So tired but I know I won't be able to get to sleep because of nerves about starting counselling. Maybe I'll watch one more TV show then try to get some rest...

 

This is why I can't have guy friends!

They always do this! I hope he realizes he's sexually harassing me. I mean, he doesn't know my sexuality but that doesn't matter. No means no! I have told him to think of me as a guy friend, that I don't want to lead him on because he's still in love with that other girl and I'm still in love with someone else too. I told him I'm CELIBATE for a REASON!

I finally laid down the law with him when he told me that me getting him hard should be taken as a compliment.

NO! I'm celibate! How can my body be a temple of God when he is jerking off to the image of it!?!

Dammit I feel so damn violated... AGAIN! Why does this always happen!?!?!?! :tantrum:

 

Don't know if you'd want the lips- they're thin. But hands. Fucking god, yes. I have damn doll hands. They're another thing I've learned to avoid looking at...

Hands though... Would it be possible to invest in gloves? I mean, I think horomones help soften up the hands (but I don't know exactly what estrogen does...).

I must be crazy because I'd kill for an Adam's apple.

 

Take mine, I'm quite comfortable being a guy but I hate this horrible little lump of cartilage that sits around in my neck.

That said, a lesbian once told me that my deep voice turned her on so I suppose my vocal system has its strengths...

 

I don't even know why I want one so much. Surely there must be better parts of the male body to fixate on... Gladly would take it.

 

Blogging takes so much out of you when you don't know how to type in coherent sentences.

 

Every time I run I know I think of how much you used to like to run, and wish you could again.

 

Well. Went and did a slight bit of shaving on my face to see how the hair looks when it comes back in. If it's not too noticeable, I might just start shaving to get rid of the damn peach fuzz.

 

Mine isn't pronounced at all so it would do much to give you mine. :/ My hands just have short, stubby fingers on them is all.God how I wish there was a way to lengthen fingers... T^T

 

I think the world is pathetic tbh, frustrating and stupid...

 

It's definitely better than this or than killing myself. Some days are just so hopeless

 

That's how my hands are. From the bottom of my palm to the tip of my middle finger is roughly 6 1/2 inches. My middle finger is just shy of three inches.

 

I should hear today whether I got the home loan or not...

 

Good Luck Best Wishes!

---------- Post added 8th Aug 2013 at 09:30 PM ----------

I pretty much pass and im pre T. but some days I dont like the way my voice sounds or my chest..

 

Wow... So this writing is going way longer than I expected it to be fairly short, but it's several pages at this point.

 

Its nice to have a friend that is as screwed up as you are to make you feel better