What Are You Thinking?

I wish I wasn't trans*. Wish I was normal. Wish these thoughts would go away.

 

That's a feeling I know all too well. At times I wish I could just crawl back into my transgender closet and convince myself I'm cis. But I think we have to remember one thing, normal is bland, and if being normal means living as female, I'd surely be miserable.

Remember that a person has the right to alter their body as they desire, and a person has a right to be happy and if that means living as male, then anyone who disagrees can go seclude themselves in their little cissexist box and go fuck themselves.

I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I can relate and I'm sure all of us trans* folk can relate one way or another. You're not alone at all. (*hug*)

 

Me too!

I am most similar to:
Abby Sciuto
Joey Tribianni
Phoebe Buffay
Abraham Lincoln
Daenerys Targaryen

I am least similar to:
Darth Vader
Dr. Alex Karev
Betty Draper
Pete Campbell
Peter Griffin

I just learned who this Daenerys character is, I don't watch GoT. She seems way cool though.

 

These past few weeks have been the worst weeks for me this year. Trembling, throbbing headache, lonely, depressed, burning eyes, this persistent lump in my throat...

 

I might finally get to see this guy in person after talking to him online for 6 months, kinda excited and nervous for tomorrow.

 

I get the feeling it's going to be a boring week. :/

 

Thanks. Think it's just a matter of working through years of denial at this point, trying to get my identity sorted out. Feeling better about it all at the moment.

Spent too long trying to be normal. Look where it got me after all these years.

--

So, been a shitty day for me overall. But nonetheless, decided to write a song. Or, to be more apt, a parody of the Kink's "Lola" (the irony of which, I now understand).

You wake up in the morning and you're lookin in the mirror
Don't recognize the bitch starin' back it's-
Dysphoria- duh-duh dysphoria
Tits poking out underneath your shirt
You bind your chest down until it starts to hurt
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria

Well, you think me crazy but I'll have you believe
I'd break every mirror if it meant liking me
Dysphoria- duh-duh-duh dysphoria
Well I'm not stupid but I can't understand
Why the hell wasn't I born a man?
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria

Well I bind my chest and I've changed my name
Cut my hair, wearing thrift shop clothes
Chose a new name, researching surgery
Finding all the ways to make me a man
Well, I'm not the world's most masculine guy
But when it comes to dresses I've just gotta say
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria

I look in the mirror
I fall to my knees
Cursing my biology
I stand right up, dust myself off.
Spit in the mirror and then I'm on my way

Well you've got to admit, a lot to compensate
Lot to learn, a lot to forget, lot of nights of-
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria
Lot I don't have, lot I do
I'd take a cleaver straight to my boobs because of-
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria

Well, sorry mother but I admit, I tried
Tried to be your daughter but as you can see
I'm a man, I admit it and I won't turn back
Call it a mistake but it's my life

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know who I am and I'm going to be
The kind of man I want to see
Despite dysphoria
Dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria
Duh-duh dysphoria, duh-duh dysphoria

 

Always look on the bright side of life

 

Blargh, he's just so perfect, and nice, and smart, and cute... But I shouldn't be crushing on him, but I am... Darn it feelings.

 

:icon_sad: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.

 

Leaving for vacationnnnnnnn in wisconson dells tomorrow. Last night was sad and weird and today can't possibly go by fast enough. So ready to get out of here and exchange my boring life for a magical adventure filled with good restaraunts, awesome water rides and most importantly cute wet shirtless boys in sexy trunks~ ^_^

 

my thought of the day

 

Why does my life suck so much

 

Today will be great and anyone that gets in the way will simply be cut off at the knees. Yup.

 

I want Outlast. Right now. That game looks incredible.

 

More bad dreams, every night bad dreams. There's always someone yelling at me and I'm doing everything wrong. Why don't I ever have nice dreams?

 

Two days later and still no birthday wishes on FB. Man, I swear I don't get why I bother with them, I need friends not these fluffs.

On the bright side I got quite a few birthday wishes in person and got to go to a Blue Jays game, so the positive definitely outweigh that negative.

 

Why can't there be one nice Sunday in this household? My step-dad is a narcissistic jerk who swears up and down that no one can survive without him, but in reality we'd be better off without his constant yelling and all his talk about how his business is doing so well when in reality if he doesn't just go and get a job we're going to lose everything. He absolutely WILL NOT work. He talks and gossips all the time with the rest of the elderly men around here and brags about owning his own business, but he doesn't put any effort into it. :tantrum: :bang:

But anyway, it's cool and pretty outside today, and nobody wants to do anything but sit inside the house because we all get yelled at for never doing a thing, when all we do is work every day of the week. I got attacked by our dog trying to untangle her from a brush pile and I had to go inside and get him to do it so he immediately goes off about how I "gave up" and how "he has to do everything." In my hurry to get back inside I forget the dog food bag outside and he came in and started yelling at me for leaving it outside. So when I told him I left it on accident because I was attacked he says "Oh bullshit! Grow a pair!" He is the only person on the earth that I'm not afraid to yell and swear at when he does it to me because he can't do a thing about it. I mean honestly what's he gonna do, hit me? I will fucking cut him if he comes at me. :tantrum: