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Out to my first...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by drs, Jul 6, 2013.

  1. drs

    drs
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    Well, I'm not sure that this really counts, but...

    When I was in junior high and high school, I had a friend who was my first experience at being with another guy. We kinda went our separate ways in high school, and our lives took completely different paths. Anyway, yesterday I found him on Facebook; found out that he's married (well, same sex marriage isn't recognized in the state he's living in, but they call themselves married) and seems to have an awesome life. We talked a bit, never really mentioning our past "history" together.

    Over 20 years has gone by since I talked to him last... And I ended up sending him an email coming out, explaining my current life. He was very supportive and offered some different insights as to where I'm at, and where I am going. If nothing else, it's nice to have someone else to be able to talk to.
     
  2. Zoe

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    Congratulations! I know what a huge step that is for you. I'm so proud of you, and I think you'll find it gets easier from here on in, even if it's in teensy increments.

    I don't usually do this, but this calls for--you guessed it--dancing banans.


    (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
     
  3. drs

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    Thanks, Zoe... I definitely appreciate the encouragement!
     
  4. rjrh20

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    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! I also just came out to my first person, it was my mom. It still feels great now I can be me infont of someone atleast. Getting support feels amazing.
     
  5. sagebrush

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    Congratulations, and best wishes for whatever your next steps may be...
     
  6. Cool Bananas

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    Congrats, coming out to your first person is a big step, it will get easier but not easy as you tell more people but I am sure it feels like a big weight has been lifted off your mind.
     
  7. EddyG

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    congrats! that's great, it's important to have at least one person that you can talk to about this, and all the better it's someone you have a history with, and who is himself out. First step is important!
     
  8. greatwhale

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    Congratulations to you! Awesome news!

    Only if you feel comfortable, would you like to share with us the insights that he shared with you?
     
  9. Tightrope

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    That's great. The good about Facebook: reconnecting with people with whom it would have been harder to do. The bad about Facebook: everything else.

    Do you think you will ever reconnect, meaning on a platonic level, as in visiting?
     
  10. drs

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    If I were visiting the area for other reasons, I might. Wouldn't have said that 6 months ago. In fact, he had sent me a friend request a year or so ago, and I rejected it. I wasn't ready to be reconnected with that part of my past.

    Not going to start a new thread, but my "out count" is now at two! Many people have recommended counseling and/or therapy... So I made an appointment this morning to go see a Chaplain. Almost backed out, but I kept the appointment; we had a good discussion. I was a little surprised that he hadn't encountered my situation before.

    It was really tough. He was literally the first person I've spoken the words I'M GAY to. But after the initial awkwardness, the conversation went very well. A very different perspective on things. Not really a religious view; I don't think he mentioned religion once. But we did talk about the promises that I made to my wife (and have broken) and such.

    I still haven't told anyone that I actually know... Really, 2 almost complete strangers. But it's a start!
     
  11. drs

    drs
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    Another thought I had while I was talking with the Chaplain... Not sure if this is original or if I heard it somewhere else. Anyway...

    I'm blonde. I can't change that. I can dye my hair, but it's a temporary change; cosmetic at best. My hair is still blonde. I can't change that. My eyes are green. I can't change that. I can wear colored contacts; but again, it's cosmetic at best. My eyes are still green. I can't change that. Just as I can't change the fact that my hair is blonde or my eyes are green, I can't change the fact that I'm Gay. No amount of cosmetics is going to change that. Cover it? Maybe. Change? No.

    Or to quote a popular song; I can't change. Even if I wanted to. Even if I tried.
     
  12. skiff

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    Hi,

    What "promises" did you make to your wife?

    You either gave lies to your wife or lied due to ignorance regarding your sexuality.

    Suppose a doctor makes a diagnosis and he later learns he was wrong in interpreting the data earlier, is that doctor breaking a promise or exposing his lie? Neither.

    It was simply darn human error based on incomplete data or lack of experience.

    Personally speaking some religious types work with a politically correct hidden agenda.

    The Chaplan spoke of promises what about lies?

    Did he speak about lies to your wife?

    Mistakes are not broken promises. Mistakes are not lies either if you admit to them.

    I am not upset with you, just irritated by hidden agendas and half truths and it is showing. Sorry in advance. Just part of my journey.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2013 at 05:44 AM ----------

    Choose your councillors carefully.
     
    #12 skiff, Jul 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2013