I need your help! I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible for you all, so please try to bare with me. I'm a 27 year old arab american muslim male. I'm closeted about my sexuality. I have very traditional muslim parents who believe I'm straight. I believe in God and Islam but don't consider myself to be crazy devout at all. My friends: mostly arab americans as well who also believe I'm straight; most of them are also homophobes. Ok, so I am gay. I know I am. I've always known I am. I had denied it to myself up until about a year ago. Before that point, I had convinced myself that being gay was a "choice," and so I suppressed any homosexual thoughts/feelings I had, never participated in any physical acts with another man, never watched any gay porn, and only dated women. Then, last year, after having spent almost a year in Boston, MA (moved from the midwest), I watched my first gay porn. For the first time in my life, I was living in a city all by myself, with no immediate connection to my midwest roots or relationships. I think that allowed (or helped?) me to be OK with watching my first gay porn. Needless to say, i loved it. I continued to watch this kind of porn and still do (and have yet to have any sort of relationship with another man). Then, I moved back to the midwest. I've been extremely unhappy ever since. I didn't know what to do. Finally, the other week, I decided to see a therapist, and for the first time I admitted not only to myself but also to another person that I was gay (out loud - it was awesome, liberating, a relief). That was step 1. This now is step 2 for me. I'm reaching out for help. I'd love to hear other "coming out" stories. I'd love to hear suggestions on what to do from here. I'd love to hear how people started learning more about the gay community (I literally know nothing). I'd love to hear how people started building gay relationships (friendship relationships, emotional relationships such as boyfriends, sexual relationships, etc). I'd love to hear anything you think I should know or be aware of; again, I'm a 27 closeted male 1) terrified of coming out to my parents and friends (who all think I'm straight) and 2) unfamiliar with anything related to the gay community (but dying to learn more). I would appreciate any feedback guys. Thank you!
I don't have much helpful advice, but doing some searching in the forums is sure to help you find some of the stories you are looking for. Try the Coming Out Stories sub forum, Family Friends, And Relationships forum, and the Coming Out Advice forum. All I can say is to be confident in yourself. You know who you are and that is all that matters. Also, congratulations on coming to terms and being able to say that out loud for the first time. I know how liberating it can be! (*hug*) Good luck as you continue to discover yourself.
How did you know you are gay? Did you had any childhood crushes? Did you had any sexual/romantic feelings towards men of women?
