hey everyone, i dont want to sound vulgar or anything discussing this, so sorry if it is.. well, since i was about 18 or so, i've masurbated almost daily, maybe like 6 to 7 days a week. anwyay, last year about this time, i admitted to myself that i was gay and wanted to try and love myself, not to repress those feelings or change. well, when i was more open with myself, my desire to masturbate decreased, and for the record i basically only watch gay porn( about 95 percent of the time). so when i was open to myself i went from like 6 to 7 times a week to like 3 to 4 times a week??? that seems odd to me.. anyways, i went back into denial for about half a year( tried to write off my feelings as my emotions getting crazy off just getting sober). well, anyways, i came out to myself again about a month ago and the same thing happened again. I haven't had the desire to masturbate as often..maybe i can get more out of each session now since i dont have the pleasure wrapped around self-hatred as much?? im not really sure, anyone else experienced this before? sorry for the sloppiness.
I don't think changes in schedule mean much. You're still doing it, and presumably enjoying it. Everybody has good days, bad days, less active days. As long as you're doing well, I don't see any reason to question your drive. Maybe you've just gotten busier with other aspects of your life and forgot, or have had less desire to play. I suppose I've been distracted before.
Maybe it's just coinciding with you coming to terms with yourself. As you get older, your sex drive decreases (From your teen years), generally speaking. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. Use the extra free time to... do other stuff, I suppose. I wouldn't worry about this =) Of course, maybe it's because now that you've accepted yourself you have no need to masturbate as much because it's not a suppressed thing anymore. ...Maybe.
I'm inclined to agree with Luthan. When you're more unsure of yourself, your sex and sexual energy might be more focused on what you are (or aren't). When you accept and love yourself... I think the energy gets focused on a healthier place. Also, your sex drive naturally goes down a bit as you move from your teens into your early 20s, so some decrease would be normal. On a separate note: Asheville should be a wonderful and accepting place to come out. I lived there for a couple years a while back and there was a surprisingly large and accepting gay community there.
thanks everyone for commenting. yeah chip, after i came out to my counselor in the rehab facility i was in in virginia, i thought i still needed to be away from my current environment,( all immediate family are on drugs, NO openly gay people), my counselor suggested a halfway house in asheville. i've been here a year, but most of the time i have been here, i kinda haven't moved forward at all, from about september till now i was kinda in denial again...well, more like i completely ignored my sexuality and focused on work and video games....wasn't a good idea...
Well, I'm not sure on this whole Asheville kick...it's a nice enough town and all..they got that big house what the Vanderbilt's owned and such...too many hippies for my taste.
Michael! Nice to see you posting again. And you know hippies aren't all bad MathMan: I'm sure you realize that it's really easy to substitute one addiction for another, as they're all forms of numbing... and for someone who's had previous issues, video games are a pretty easy one to get caught up into. But the important thing is to recognize the patterns and work to change them... which it sounds like you're doing here. A *lot* of people who have substance abuse have an underlying issue with their sexuality which, at the root, is driving the addiction. So you'll probably find that as you become more comfortable with yourself and open up about it more, not only will you move forward with your life, but you'll also find the desire to numb will diminish as well, because there will be less need to numb.