Idk what to do and im overwhelmed w/ absolutely everything. Im a teenage girl who has a bf and im almost positive im not completely straight, im trying so hard to be a good gf and to like him but im always thinking about being w/ girls. I dnt want to break up w/ him cuz i do like him...but im trying to figure out who i am. But how am i suppose to do that when idk any other girls around my age who are gay? I know for a fact if my parents found out thyd freak cuz thy recently found out my bro was gay and there are no other siblings...plus one of my best friends had already admitted in the past tht she probably cldnt be friends with a lesbian cuz shed b uncomfortable tht thy wld start to hit on her or some bs like tht. I honestly dnt know what to do or who to talk to, im tired of lying to myself and being ashamed of who i probably am so how do i figure it out?
*hugs!* Trust me on this, you can try to be as good a GF as you possibly can, but at some point, if you aren`t straight, it will ruin the relationship. People aren`t happy pretending to be someone they really aren`t, and when people aren`t happy it affects those around them. You deserve better than having to hide away, and you deserve good friends who won`t run away from who you really are. Worst case, you lose this friend, and get a chance to make new and better friends who`ll know and accept you for you. Those are the only kind of friends worth having, they`re the kind that will make us feel better and happier, not worse. Thing is, it`s easier to see what`s below the surface, when we`ve dived under. If you are closeted, or at least in a straight relationship, it will be harder for you to find other lesbian/bisexual girls. What you could do is join a local organization/ youth club, maybe your school has one? You could always venture in as a straight supporter, if you don`t want to run the risk of outing yourself. You could also do so as straight, but curious. However, if you do present yourself as straight, then any potential romantic interest will see you as such. It sounds to me like you are pretty clear on what you want, and who you are, considering you write "lying to myself" and "being ashamed", so maybe it`s time to take a few steps in the right direction? We don`t get anything by waiting, sometimes we have to reach a bit to get what we want, take a few chances, be a little brave. In any case, you are not alone! I get that this is a tough situation for you, I really do. But hang on in there, and remember that you deserve to be true to who you are, and at least get the chance to figure out who you are and what you need from life. *Big hug*
