So the last few days have been very eventful for me. I've known for a few years now that I am not straight. Thats the best way I can describe it. Or maybe I'm not ready to refer to myself as gay yet. Anyhow. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. She has known that i've been questioning myself for a few years. She was quite possibly the most supportive person I have ever known. Thing is I think I knew in the back of my head that I needed to break up with her. To get to know myself and not to hold her back from moving on with her own life. It was the most brutal conversation I have ever had and have never felt so depressed since. I miss her so much but have to use all my strength not to go back to her because it isn't fair and most likely I'd be back to square one within a week. So I packed a bag and left the flat for my parents while she figures out if she wants to stay in the flat until the lease is up in 3 months. When I got to my parents I felt like total shit and told them I had broke up with her. Also figured that while I was feeling so incredibly shit there wasn't much that could make me feel worse. So ever being the opportunist I told my parents I was bisexual. As I am still figuring myself out I intend on dating both genders. But as I already had a great girl I did not break up with her to date other women. Not to say that I wont if I do meet someone. I did it to date men as I couldn't experiment with other guys while I was with her. She said she could handle it but It's not fair to ask that of someone. So now I am back at my parents, feeling like I have stepped back in time 5 years and also like I just got punched in the stomach by clubber lang. Unable to really focus in work as I am so depressed I don't really care about the work I am doing. Or anything for that matter really. I have been on anti depressants before and they did their job but I don't need them get through this and I don't want to go near them again. Didn't really know what to do with myself. So thought the most productive thing was to vent abit. If you've lasted up to this point, thanks for reading. :icon_bigg
Eventful indeed. I think congratulations are in order - what you did took a lot of guts. And kudos to you for not crumbling once it felt really bad and going back to your girlfriend. I'm not any degree of bisexual, so maybe my opinion means less, but the way I see it is just because you now have the opportunity to date guys doesn't mean you have to date guys. Now that you're single, whenever you decide to go out and date again, perhaps it would be more fruitful to just be open to dating either gender. Even if you broke up with your girlfriend and end up meeting another girl, that's not "wrong" or "bad", because you needed some time and you took it. Just do what feels right.
Thanks Budder. I think your right. The main thing I think Ifor me to learn is to go with the flow abit. I haven't any intention of getting back out there for a while. Getting over the break up is priority one. Feels like I lost my best friend not just a girlfriend.
