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Heath - Aging - Dating?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Am I shallow?

    I have found a new twist in dating at 55+ HEALTH!

    At 25 most everybody is fit, not so much at 55. One guy I met had survived colon/rectal cancer twice, cadaver aorta bypass, pacemaker, hearing loss.

    I feel shallow but I never called him back, nor plan to.

    Health has NEVER been part of my dating screening. I feel odd about it.

    Am I shallow? I want to be active now that I finally have my life back.
     
  2. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    No -your not shallow- You just want healthy -not eye candy boy toy right?!
    It's about attitude too if a woman had a health issue but was positive and just loved life don't think it would matter to me.
     
  3. phoenixverde

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    I don't think you're shallow.

    When you are considering someone as a partner, you have to look honestly at every aspect of that person. Health issues are important to consider. That is why I probably won't consider anyone over 7 years older than me.
     
  4. biggayguy

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    Being healthy enough to actually have sex is a good qualifier. You don't want someone keeling over from a little fun. You could still offer friendship with the person. If you want. Sometimes a person just wants companionship.
     
  5. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi Biguy50,

    He wanted more than friendship, trust me.

    He was looking for a hookup.

    You ever had the small of your back rubbed as a relative stranger told you about his colostomy bag? Totally new experience for me. He was honest, I will give him that.
     
  6. EddyG

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    Skiff I think you did the right thing. Health is a huge thing, and can have major impacts on a relationship. And if you're looking for a LTR, at our age it's really important.
     
  7. biggayguy

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    There are people that find an ostomy bag sexy. Maybe you could send him my way. :icon_wink OTOH that's not your cup of tea. I don't think you're being shallow... just honest.
     
  8. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi Biguy50,

    He is married with no plans of divorce.

    That was the total turn off for me prior to his health report.

    I am not wired for that.

    Tom
     
    #8 skiff, Jun 24, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2013
  9. Cool Bananas

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    The old bit doesn't bother me, the married bit concern me but that last bit urgh, they are making life hard for themselves, maybe they will find another person who doesn't want any long term commitment.
     
  10. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi CoolBananas,

    I got some mileage on you and luckily they were not hard miles.

    Age does not concern me. Twice in my life guys half my age fell in love with me. I reciprocated to neither due to my perception of it being wrong in general not their age alone.

    But if I turn that around and ask myself would I allow myself to fall in love with somebody 65-70+... I don't know... Totally different stage of life for somebody retired. I realize not everyone is retired or frail in their 70's but...

    If I haven't been in a LTR for 10 years by the time I am 70 I will totally lose hope.
     
  11. biggayguy

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    That's a deal-breaker for me. I don't mess with married people.
     
  12. Lexington

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    Just keep searching. If there's no sparks, there's no sparks, and move on to the next one. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  13. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Lex,

    Your profile shows your age...

    If there were sparks would you date a 63 year old?

    Same question only the age is 25?

    If too personal no rely expected.

    Thanks.
     
  14. passivepassion

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    It gets worse the older you get. My 80 yo grandmother discussed her boy friend with me. She was saying that he was good because he had a car. Also he did not fall asleep, like the young guys (less then 80). Problems were that the guy could not do anything with his hands, like all the men in the family did. But since she had breathing problems, she would settle with him.

    We older people often joke about this type of thing. I am 52, and when someone my age sees me reading without glasses, they are surprised.
     
  15. Lexington

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    Short answer to both: yes.

    Longer answer to both: yes, but in each case, I'd need to weigh things beyond the sparks, if you will. The biggest mistake I see in age-differing relationships is dismissing the age gap out-of-hand. I don't think the age gap is a recipe for disaster, but the age gap needs to be addressed. I'm in a different spot in my life than a 65-year-old or a 25-year-old. It's something I'll need to keep in mind at all steps of the relationship. If I feel the guy is cognizant of the potential pitfalls, and is willing to put in a bit of extra work to make it work, I'm totally on board with getting into such a relationship. If he blithely states "Age ain't nothing but a number", then I'd be very wary of moving forward with him.

    Lex
     
  16. BMC77

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    The part about "married" would have stopped me dead cold long before anything else. But that's just me.

    In general, I'm not sure that health would be a total deal breaker. It would depend on the problem, how it's being managed, and the person.

    A part of would rather have a short, very meaningful relationship even if it ended in the sad loss of a partner VS a long term, not very meaningful relationship. Another part, though, would just as soon avoid this heartache.

    The one health issue that would probably be a deal breaker would be HIV. I can't say that for 100% certain, but given my fear of HIV, it would take a lot to get me to consider a relationship with a guy with HIV.

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2013 at 02:38 PM ----------

    I'd have to agree with what Lex says.

    But even if one only dates people in one's general age bracket there are no guarantees that the other guy will in the same place in life. I think looking at the whole picture is critical.

    Of course, this idea is coming from someone who's never had a relationship, and may never have one...
     
  17. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi BMC77,

    It is era we grew up in.regarding HIV. It was a terrifying time for gays and left scars of fear on many of us.

    HIV is still very bad but the knowledge of today does not form fear scars and phobias.

    I have the HIV phobia too.
     
  18. Cool Bananas

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    One of your comments has me thinking, actually a lot of what is said on this website has me thinking. :icon_sad:

    You have said twice in your life, was this recent or ages ago where you were unsure of yourself, do you think the spark wasn't there or you just weren't sure of yourself so you were best to hide your true feelings.

    The fear of the great unknown probably scares all of us here, there is no road maps to follow and you have to work your own way through the maze.