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Great... and sad

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by PeteNJ, Jun 13, 2013.

  1. PeteNJ

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    Well, yes, my life really is great. Looking back 8 months its unrecognizable! And I am really, truly happy.

    Been working with my shrink on mindfulness and no judgments... very freeing.

    In the last couple of days I've felt a lot of sadness and grief. Wishing I would have come out long ago, and grief over the lost years. Sad that I put so much effort into building what seemed like a great happy hetero life. Sad that I couldn't build a perfect hetero life for my kids after my marriage ended.

    The old Pete would have seen his life as black or white. He would have gone into a funk/depression.

    Its a real breakthrough for me to be able to say "I'm sad" and in the same breath to say "I'm great!!"

    Friends, we're all on a journey with ups and downs to it. Remember that from the moment you first posted here, first began to look at your sexuality, first began to admit you might be gay/etc., you have moved forward. And yesterday is done. Period. Tomorrow is all we have -- make the most of it.

    HUGS!
     
  2. TimTomC

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    Don't regret taking so long to come out, just move forward. Like you said tomorrow is a new day, and yesterday is done. “Today is a new day. Don't let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life!”
    ― Steve Maraboli
     
  3. merlin

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    thanks for this message of hope, Pete! We need those on our road to happiness (or whatever comes close to that)! (*hug*)
     
  4. greatwhale

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    Thanks Pete!

    Today was challenging emotionally for me too. Can't pay my divorce lawyer right away, so he's threatening to quit in a week...I may have to go it alone in court...not wise but what choice do I have? But whatever, I don't think I can give her any more than I have.

    I'm so glad my BF is there for me right now...it's a good thing to be able to have someone understand and just be there. Of course I would survive without him but having him around just makes it bearable.

    None of the above would have taken place without accepting what I am, none of it, and it's a great feeling, Pete, to be free at last to enjoy it!
     
  5. BMC77

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    Actually...we may not have tomorrow. Tomorrow is an IOU. Yesterday is a canceled check. Now is the only time we have. It is cash in our hand.

    That said, I have a fair amount of grief over the "lost past." And not just the issue of sexual orientation, although there is plenty of grief there. Somehow I need to be able to let the past go completely, and move on. Easier said than done, I'm afraid.
     
    beagle likes this.
  6. Zoe

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    Thank you for your message, Pete. I'm in the process of ending my marriage now, and there is sadness mixed in with the joy I feel at finally being able to be myself.

    Your post was a lovely reminder of how to stay present and accept ourselves and our feelings in the moment.

    --Zoe
     
  7. tomthumb2

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    This might be a new thread but has anyone had this experience: I was asked out by a guy back in the 80s wen I was in my 20s and single. I was actually told by company security to stay away from him because he was gay and shortly after he was fired. I often wonder how different my life would have been if I had found out I was gay then instead of meeting a woman and getting married. Cant cry over spilt milk but still, what an opportunity missed. That sure wouldnt happen these days I hope!
     
  8. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Folks

    I have repeatedly looked back on my life at some very specific incidents when I interacted with guys who I thought were gay including 2 of my best friends. I had the opportunity 30 years ago to start a gay life but I now realise that my internalised homophobia prevented me.

    In some ways I bitterly regret this and all the fun I could have had and the life I could have built with a BF but then I am brought back down to earth with a thump. My best friend in the late 70s, with whom I would certainly have had unprotected sex with because the safe sex message was not out then, died from AIDS, so whilst I feel sad at missing out on being gay in my late teens/early 20s I am also fortunate to be alive now to make the best of the remainder of my life.

    Sale Gay Guy
     
  9. sagebrush

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    Thank you, Pete, for the "one step forward at a time" reminder. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Good message Pete.

    I used to feel the same way about my childhood. I decided to accept the sad and recognize it, but to move right into being happy that I have the chance do what I want now.

    Thank you for the reminder. I was bummed all day too.
     
  11. skiff

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    caos è bella.

    Can't get to this moment without the chaos.
     
  12. EddyG

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    what you said Pete. I do sometimes think about that and wonder and regret, but on the other hand we are in the here and now, I came out now and will now be able to be me for the rest of my life.

    And if I hadn't waited until now I wouldn't have met my wonderful BF... though I do have fantasies of how we might have met anyway if I'd come out earlier at different ages -- from 23 to 45...