hello everyone, I am 33 years old and am going through a difficult patch with my sexual identity. I have been in a hetrosexual relationships since 18 and recently ended a relationship with a woman after being 8 years together. Just before entering into that relationship I started to have some attractions to guys but dismissed any sexuality issues as pure curiosity. However over the last number of years my sex life became non existent with my girlfriend and was increasingly spending more and more time on the internet looking at gay porn and cruising gay dating sites. I am not proud to say so but had my first real life encounter while still with my girlfried. I did enjoy the experiences very much and accepted during that time that I must be bisexual. After ending my relationship now I feel free to finally try to determine my true sexuality. I know for sure i am attracted to men. I know for sure i am attracted to women. I wish it was one or the other. The confusion is really stressing me. I am not sure which way to go, how to explore properely, how to come to some kind of conclusion, how to meet others in similar situations. I am not scared to come out as bi or gay, but am scared of - for want of a much better expression - making the wrong decision. I read that for most people things are very clear from an early age but in my case I have only started to have real attraction to men in the last few years and while i enjoyed having sex with men i do not fully feel it is me. So am hear to see if there is anyone around in the same boat....
Welcome! You'll find so many of us here are on similar journeys... A lot of questioning, depression, uncertainty. And a bit of excitement. Proud of you for ending your long term relationship -- puts you in a place to question and explore (without making things even more difficult for your girlfriend). Based on my experience, I can say that finding a great therapist who deals in sexual identity issue is worth seeking out and working with. And finding Coming Out, LGBT support groups as well. I can tell you that in my bi/gay Dads group there are quite a number of men who are in the same place as you. and when you're ready, build your support group - a couple of best friends/family members/ etc. so that when you dive in to the next chapter of your life, you'll have some folks to be there for you. Pete
The fact of being attracted to both men and women can be very confusing. I feel that the term "bisexual" sometimes adds to the confusion because it implies that there is some clear balance. In fact, sexuality is never so clear cut. I quit trying to pinpoint my own, to decide if I was "gay" or "bi." It's not easy to let go of that wish to be in control of your own desires or to know everything about yourself. You won't make the "wrong decision." If you focus on your homosexual desires for a time, you may or may not come to feel that that is your "true" sexual identity. You may or may not feel that there is something missing that you can find only in women. Don't worry so much about the outcome in advance. Good luck!
