Greetings folks! Just saw an excellent TED talk by Esther Perel on what sustains an erotic long-term relationship: Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship - YouTube For those of us who have been in an LTR, as well as for those of us on the edge of one, I think this hits the nail on the head. Esther Perel asked: how can we reconcile the need for security, predictability and care with the conflicting elements of desire, which touch upon some less-than-politically-correct attitudes about adventure, mystery, selfishness and transcendence. As it seems likely that my BF and I are on the road to an LTR, this is some really important stuff! I'd definitely like your opinions or experiences on this topic.
Thanks GW, I'll have to check it out, we're on the road to ltr as well... will get back after I get a chance to watch.
great vid! So much of what she said really resonated... It's funny but in the part on things that provoke desire, these are things I've actually told my BF that turn me on. Likewise the need for each of us to have space beyond the relationship, which we've also discussed -- in my past relationship that was also important, and I think one problem (though not the main one...) was the expectation on her part that we are one, she never didn't let me have space at all, but it was a bit claustrophobic at times. I've got to watch this again tomorrow, it's such a rich and full talk.
Hi GW Some interesting insights in Esther Perel's Ted Talk . The dialogue and conflict between security and desire are everpresent. I wonder what it is like for someone with a more "linear" kind of sexual identity. Do people like that exist? I have never really known what to call myself......therefore it always call into question who "calls" to me. After foggy years of late adolescence and early adulthood, i can remember attracted to the image of guys, that lost the desire as i got to know them. Tphen i shared as honestly as I could who i was with a woman who was attracted to me. Perhaps this was the danger! Anyway, we were married for 15 years. My disclosure before getting involved helped make the ending of the relationship less difficult for each, but no less a crisis perhaps of security.... I then lived as a gay man, and did find that the desire and love stayed alive in one relation for some time, but alas long distance and other pressures ened it. Now i have married a woman who had been my best friend through those years. she had been in lesbian relations for the previous decade and a half. Our passions are strong. She seems more or less content in our pretty rich relationship..... But for me the war is still on. I think though my sexuality is something that she states is attractive, i beleive it threatens her, just as i feel it as a threat to stability and underlying values of love and compassion. Perhaps it is an element of that tenuous fragility. What is the challenge, is i am not talking about desire for someone else of the same gender, the desire is between genders. I don't feel a desire for other women, though i am attracted to my wife..... Are these challenges unique to bisexual people or does it resonate no matter what ones orientation is.....?
