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Attraction isn't supposed to be upsetting, is it?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Parsley, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. Parsley

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    As I've come more out to myself and those around me, and as I've stopped actively trying to prevent people from assuming I'm gay by dressing more feminine, I've begun to be attracted to women in general more frequently than ever before.

    But here's the thing, I find the act of being attracted quite upsetting while it is happening. Part of me likes it, and part of me is upset, and then part of me just wants to run away so it stops. Why? Isn't being attracted to someone supposed to be a pleasant experience? It makes me profoundly uncomfortable, and produces anxiety.
     
  2. gravechild

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    Attraction just is... our reactions might be negative, but the attraction itself should feel immediate and natural. I suppose what you're dealing with is fear? It's definitely not denial, since you freely admit to experiencing them, and the problem seems to be *accepting* these attractions first.
     
  3. alwaysdreaming

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    I feel almost exactly the same way sometimes. I guess eventually you get used to your attraction to other girls and the feelings of anger and negativity towards it start to go away.
     
  4. evora

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    It's the same with me too. It sounds terrible but I'm sort of glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. I've no idea why it is though, or how to stop it.
     
  5. Parsley

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    Definitely not denial. I'm aware that what I'm feeling is attraction. There was blushing and goosebumps and everything. I suppose it could be fear. There is definitely an overlay of negative emotion on top of my attraction to women. And when I was attracted to this girl all I wanted to do was run away so I would stop feeling it.

    This may indicate that I'm not fully at the acceptance stage.
     
  6. gravechild

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    No, but you're getting there, and wasn't your status 'questioning' before? I think it's normal for a lot of us to have some negative associations when coming out, especially if raised in repressive, homophobic environments. Now, if you had little to no desire to overcome these emotions, I would think you should be very concerned.
     
  7. Parsley

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    Yes, I did just change my status. Before it was "more likely than not a lesbian." But I have little to no doubt left that I'm gay, so I just went ahead and switched it. I'm gay. I'm very gay.

    I wasn't really raised in a homophobic environment, nor necessarily an accepting one. It just wasn't ever spoken of. When it was mentioned, mostly in school by peers, it was always "don't do that people will think you're gay" or some version of it. It seemed like having people think you were gay was this terrible thing to have assumed. But actually BEING gay, well no one actually talked about that.