What was your "final straw?"

Mine was lying to a very good friend about where I was headed one Saturday evening. Once I hung that phone up, I cried. Here I was a 49 year old man, still after 36 years lying to people about it. It had to stop. So by the next Friday I was coming out to people.

I feel shame I lied/covered it up all these years. I lied to people I love. Over and over. When I came out, I apologized to them for lying.

no more lies.

 

Sometimes I think I have extraordinary, but self-defeating, willpower. SaleGayGuy's anecdote is something I experienced like 10 million times, and did NOTHING!!!
How was that possible! I think the frustration has been unbearable and has taken it's toll on my soul.

I was thinking about the final straw. The final straw was becoming increasingly anxious about sex with my wife. Somehow, I managed to perform but I dreaded it. It was our anniversary, and sex was probably expected, and I just broke down and told my wife the truth (that is, the semi truth at that time).

Thinking back, I wish had used all the energy I put into lying, deceiving, and pretending into being the authentic me.

 

My turning point was after I had a dream. It wasn't sexual. I was dating a woman and I was so happy. I remember feeling so alive with the smallest touch from her.

I woke up and it hit me. I am sexually attracted to women. Few days later I told my husband I think I could be bi. A few weeks after that I realized that I am actually a lesbian.

 

VERY well said Skiff.

 

My situation was more of a perfect storm, rather than a final straw. I was in the middle of a five month recovery from a traumatic injury. I was mid 40's, re evaluating my life, and my husband told me that he was miserable and wanted a divorce. He had been telling me for the last eight years that he had been lonely and wanted a divorce, but all of a sudden a lightbulb went off, and I wondered why I was fighting to keep this marriage alive. Then I started to think about my future, and was finally truthful with myself. Also adding to the mix was that my child was getting older and more independent, and I had also developed a close friendship with another lesbian, which brought questions that had been swirling deep below for many, many years to the surface.

 

My final straw was me sitting at a friends house thinking about how I wish I could be happy but because of certain situations that I can not come out... I have known since I was 13 that I was a lesbian but have lied for almost ten years now in order to keep the peace.. all I was actually doing was hiding behind a mask... that night after me and my best guy friend left the house I couldn't hold it in anymore so I told him... he took it very well and we are closer friends now... I am slowly but surely starting to come out... since that night I have told a few other people and only one of them reacted badly.. I am ready to start dating but im sure it will come in time.

 

There were also large sections of my life I couldn't share with my parents. For example, going to the gay club, being involved with the gay and lesbian alliance at school, marching in the pride parade, my boyfriend that I said was "just a friend". I was constantly worried that they would ask questions that I couldn't answer.

---------- Post added 7th Jun 2013 at 05:30 AM ----------

Of course you're right. It was an illusion. When the fear of coming out was less than the fear of being discovered, that's when I came out, (!) It was the most freeing thing I've ever done. (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)