Hello everyone. I am a biological female. And all my life I've strongly identified as being female. I would be very unhappy if someone referred to me as male (or anything but female), since I've never felt like a male, and I'm biologically female anyway. Obviously my gender tag over there says all you need to know about how strongly female I feel I am. So why am I confused? It could have something to do with a depersonalization disorder. Or it may really be the way I feel. It might be the way everyone feels. I'm not sure. It's just that...sometimes I feel like I don't have a gender. That I enjoy looking like a female, and I enjoy being called female, but I feel no connection to my female body. I feel like my true spirit is somewhere outside of the gender spectrum, that I am just a being that does as it wants. Sometimes I am tempted to call myself "it" because I constantly feel separated from my biological body. I don't have a problem with my biological body. I'm just -totally- separate from it in my own spiritual space. ...Does anyone else feel like this?
Yes, but as a trans* girl, and relatively dysphoric at that, I've felt disembodied because I do not identify at all with my assigned gender or biology. I feel disembodied because I feel my body contradicts who I really am, and I'm frankly disgusted by my body. So, yes in way I know how you feel, being separate from your body. Just for a different reason.
Ah, I see. We definitely have different reasons though we share being separate from our body. It's just that...I don't think my spirit HAS a gender one way or the other. I don't feel disgusted by my body, I appreciate that it is female, and I enjoy "being" female but would I bet on my spirit being female? Probably not. I wouldn't bet on it being male either. I think my curiosity is more of a....philosophical kind of question. Probably. I don't think I would enjoy being in a male body, however if my spirit were separate from my body and I were asked what gender I was, I would say: "I am not male or female...I just am." Because I don't identify with my female body enough to permanently assign myself as female. This may be a bit selfish, but I want people to call me female because I think looking female is cool...yet I will always mentally think of myself as nongender.
Agender is the term I think that is used to describe those who don't identify as either male or female. I think this is what you're talking about, although I can't say as I haven't experienced it myself.
Do you think maybe this could apply to you? Ozy Frantz: Cis by Default I know the author specifically says that "cis-by-default" people probably would be fine if they woke up with a differently sexed body, and that you said you probably wouldn't like it. How do you think you would feel if you had been raised male, living with a typical male body? I can relate to liking looking female without necessarily feeling female. I love my body and the fact that I have a nice, hourglass shape. I'm conflicted about binding because while it would make people more likely to read me as not-female (which would be great!), I actually like my breasts. Also, if given the choice between the two binary genders, 95% of the time I would go with female...though I'm increasingly of the mind that this has more to do with my romantic and social preferences than any innate gender identity (I prefer women in pretty much every area, and I would rather be one of them).
I think that if I was born cis male then I would be a completely different person right now. The female "mask" (I know it is not really a mask since I am biologically female, but what I mean is that inside this female body is an agender spirit) is important to who I am, and I like my female mask I think. I think that cis-by-default is sort of applicable in that I obviously have no problem with my female body but I don't have a gender identity...agender seems to be the most fitting of myself. I think we think alike, my friend, haha.
