What does gay really mean?

Not quite the same, but similar. I was friendly with a high school jock in college. He was ruggedly handsome and not a jerk in any manner. He sat next to me in a freshman psychology class. We had to do a 10 page paper on any psychological concern of our choosing. Mine was not that related to sex. I asked him what his paper was going to deal with. He said "Homosexuality." I was stunned, to see this big, regular guy type opt for that. That's cool. Funny thing is that one time I had eaten, and had some food or crumbs near my lip, and he cleaned it off with his hand. Via Facebook, I was able to see that he is married, has kids, and lives in the suburbs.

 

@arturoenrico -shirt lifter is used over here, though is a bit old fashioned now and is pejorative. There's worse names, but I won't go into them!

I don't know what "gay" means on a more philosophical level. I am gay by straight people defining me as not like them. I have been attracted to men, only mildly, but enough to make me think I couldn't be gay. That type of attraction must be how it is with straight people. Never got to the "really can't help myself ripping someones clothes off" with a man though, and I really didn't understand why people wrote poetry about sex until I was with a woman fully. I am deeply attracted to women, I fall in love with women. This seems completely natural and normal to me, so part of me doesn't really having to define myself for other peoples benefit at all. Sometimes I revel in it though, particularly describing myself as a "dyke" to shock people. I don't know if that's childish or some pride in myself for not giving in to my depression.

Anyway. ride:

 

I'm completely with DrWhoFan.

Perhaps I'm unusual in always having experienced my same-sex attraction as completely natural and normal for me, something which developed organically and unequivocally. And something which is completely 'right'. I think thats why I have always had a bit of a problem with 'gay' because it implies - to me, at least - a definition of something different. Its like an assumed identity, if you will, or one imposed by social conditioning. And it is therefore always in opposition to how I feel about same-sex attraction (i.e. that it is normal, natural and organic for some of us). Like DrWhoFan I really feel I am gay because straight people define me as different.

To answer mnguy's question: "when you heard those terms was it used to describe two guys who were a couple or guys who were feminine, stylish, or flamboyant?"

I only heard terms like gay and more unpleasant slang terms for homosexuals like 'poof' and 'bum boy' in the context of insult. They were describing something which was very hidden but monstrous, something to be feared.

 

to answer your question MNGuy about the kid who gave the speech on 'Homosexuality' and how he was treated in school after -- I don't recall him having any problems per se. He was part of a crowd of "fast kids" who hung with older college kids - it was the beginning of his own acceptance and education - but he was never completely 'out' while in high school, but those close to him knew - He and I kept our thing on the total down low - that is until the day my catholic mother was going through my wastebasket and discovered a graphic letter from him. I arrived home to a mother in tears - freaking out because her baby boy was going to hell. I assured her [lied] I had done nothing - that it was just his words of a crush - and after that I backed off of the friendship because it all just scared me too much. I ran into him at a high school reunion years later and we gave each other a huge, spontaneous hug - bridging time and memory. I think others noticed our "extra" familiarity and perhaps wondered. Ah, fond memories, but then unfortunately with that crappy overlay of "going to hell." Fear of Hell was woven through all of my early sexual experiences - with both male and female. Fucking eternal damnation! What a cruelty to put upon a healthy young man full of life! But we all have our obstacles to climb past -- catholicism was one of my biggest ones blocking happiness. Fortunately, I kicked that to the curb in my early 20's by marrying a jewish girl - guess I coulda kicked it further with a nice jewish boy - but I was always one to keep my activities w/guys on the down low - hidden in the shadows. Uh, closeted would be the word I guess. hahaha -

I gotta say - it really is something just to open up and talk about this stuff - a big part of me that rarely gets any airplay. Thanks for the listening - for the practice at speaking about myself -- ALL of myself - including the more hidden aspects.